Please, remember me, happily, by the rosebush laughing.

My photo
Florence, Alabama, United States
Dancing in both directions at once so everyone won't notice that she's never heard this song before.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

And when the bridegroom comes, there will be noise. There will be glad.

It's 151 am, CST, and I am awake.

Fancy adjectives and colorful prepositional phrases have become an addiction, but the buck stops here.

The buck stops here? What does that even mean?

While I'm avoiding this journal because I feel some neurotic need to impress you with my verbage, the days are flying by and my life is going going going.

So. How's about I just give you a run down of some fun times that have been had in the very recent past? I will promsie you, as I have so many times before, Dear Readers-- most especially you, Future Self-- that I will elaborate more at a later date.

~Special Session: one of the best years ever
~Funtimes with S.S. group in Birmingham
~Luau to celebrate one Miss Chelsea's birthday
~Possible new job opportunity
~Bachelorette party
~Tuscaloosa!
~Atlanta: Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp, Bob Dylan

After many hours and many miles, I am now in Birmingham for Britni and Mark's wedding. Oh happy day! Jessica and I got in to town late late, slept late late, and went to the mall to meet Jennifer and Lance. Afterward we went to get my shoes and then enjoy a very relaxing manicure and pedicure. Jessica and I took one wrong turn ended up spending an hour in rush hour traffic, leading to a hasty change of plans and an even hastier change of clothes in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen.

Have I mentioned how much I love curly hair? It makes for an easy fix.

We did a little practicing at the wedding location then skidaddled over to the rehearsal dinner, where we toasted our dear dear friends and shared a glass or three of wine.

We ended up at the Quest for dancing and drag. Now you tell me that is not a fun group of people!

Everyone is good and asleep, and I am headed that direction myself.

Tomorrow is probably going to involve a lot of tears. Good tears. WOW.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hello, lamppost, whatcha knowin'?

Got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy.

Monday, July 13, 2009

And when you write a poem, I know the words, I know the sounds, before you write it down...

The other day I had a conversation with Henry, who is from El Salvador and speaks very very little English. We stumbled through an exchange of information, swapping between broken Spanish and even more broken English. He told me about his wife and kids who are still in Central America, and I told him that I would miss my family too much that far away.

"Miss?"

"Miss... ermm... uhhhmm... miss..."

"Girl?"

"No, miss... to... hm... to miss... to.... hmm."

So I looked up "miss" in a Spanish/English dictionary, but it only had definitions for "miss = missus" and "miss," like you miss a train and "miss," like you miss a target.

Among its nine entries, Webster offers these two definitions:

1.) to notice the absence or loss of
2.) to regret the absence or loss of

What a strange and terrible feeling! What a difficult concept to explain! What a sad sad word!

Ultimately, I looked up "to long for" for in the dictionary, and a light went off in Henry's eyes, and even though it wasn't quite the same, he knew what I was talking about.

"To notice the absence or loss of." "To regret the absence or loss of." Well stated, Webster.

How odd it is to feel happy, to be content, to know that the world is right, while still this feeling lies buried in the pit of my stomach, not a pain or a bother, but a presence, a slow creeping pressure that nudges my organs from time to time. Even as I celebrate my life as it is with my friends who are here, there is absence and there is loss, and I both notice and regret these things.

I began to wonder why there wasn't a more suitable title for this important emotional state, but I suppose it would be a redundant adjective when it came to describing the people we love. We would be better served with a word that describes that change of life, that point at which we begin to permanently miss someone or something.

There is no burning pain, no searing hotness that calls out at your absence, friends. Not usually, anyway. Instead, it is the gentle pulling that I feel on my heart strings, the permanent knowledge that you are there, and I am here. I notice this. I regret this. I cherish this, too.

These daily tugs, these subtle reminders, they are evidence of your presence in my life. However transient our actual time together has been, you have made a indelible mark on me, and I thank you for that.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

This is where I forget to breathe, and all the things I scripted, they sound unfounded...

Today someone missed the toilet at work, and, as the discoverer of said accident, I decided to clean up. I'm snapping on my rubber gloves and taking a few deep breaths outside the bathroom door, steeling myself for the ugly odors and the messy chore before me, and in my head thoughts about Special Session are chasing each other like Wile E. Coyote after the Road Runner, buzzing and frantic and mad with power. It was an absolute take-over, sparked by something mundane and unpleasant, a welcome and forced escape from the reality of 40-hours-a-week and bedtime without milk and cookies.

These moments will come less frequently as the year passes, but still they will come, unexpectedly, caused by other mundane tasks on other mundane days.

It's amazing for me to look back on my years there, to observe the evolution of my role at camp and of camp's role on my life. This summer, like last summer (like next summer like next summer like next summer), I spent a week with God's chosen people, a race of misfits and lost gigglers, working and playing and love love loving.

For an all too brief moment, I was thrown back into cabin life on the first night, in the very cabin that started my Special Sessions, with a camper from my very first year. Sockets were shot and tantrums were thrown and pajamas were missing and holy hell, what a nightmare! It's beautiful, though, don't you see?

Do me a favor. Go grab a couple iron rods. I'd check local junkyards first, maybe a neighbor's backyard. I'll wait here until you return, or you're welcome to take the metaphor by the horns and play along with pencils and paperclips. Make them stick together. Go ahead.

If you've really embraced this exercise, you may have spent a good minute and a half clanking those rods together, making loud noises but failing rather miserably at adhesion. Those of you who are more persistent (or at least more inclined toward following directions) may stack your bars and apply pressure, or you may even attempt to bring outside forces to bare: tape, glue, string, an unused tie or perhaps a hair clip. Alas, the effort is in vain, but you knew that from the beginning, stubborn though you are. Even if you have managed a temporary union of the two cold rods, you aren't so cocky as to think it will last.

You see, to make metal stick to metal-- to make iron stick to iron- you must heat those heavy rods to a crispy 2750°F. Now, quickly, while you're wearing those bulky gloves and you've got that space age mask on, you can jam those red hot balls of melted metal together, however crudely or poetically you desire. Give it some time, let the metal cool. Then try to pull them apart. Go ahead. Task number two. Try your damndest.

I wash my hands of this metaphor. You get the picture. You were ten steps ahead of me the whole time, weren't you? You knew all along, but you humored me, and I appreciate it.

Those chaotic first nights have left me with a few scars and a lot of stories and some bonds that won't be breaking. Unmade beds and late showers and impatient blind women have upped my temperature, and I'm smack dab in the middle of an iron web. Thank you and thank you and thank you, goodnight.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Smile when you feel the sunlight...

While you are upstairs sharpening your number two pencils and
doodling in your notebook about how you
hate
this small town

I

am listening to a song that follows the beat of my gum
pops and flip
flops and I'm
sharing it with the dandelions on the roadside

While you plot a secret escape to India

I

am constructing a tiny Taj Mahal out of
rotten pecan shells and I've got
plans to
expand

While you stare bleary eyed at your window trying to figure out what is wrong with the world

I

feel what's right falling like
moth tears
and my skin undulates with every ramshackle
dance move that finds my feet and

I

wear a honeysuckle perfume that drives the bees
wild and

I

rummage through the leaves
like a child in grandma's attic so
happy
to re-awaken her old treasures and

you

might
find me
on your doorstep one day wiping the gravel from my
knees

because while

you

were comparing
flight prices

I

(chased a lion)
(wrote a novel)
(planted a tree)
(planted a forest)
(kissed a whale)

traveled.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Why don't I read more Jack?

Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Something good this way comes...

So, since I started working at the Goodwill, I've been flirting mightily with this guy named Daniel. Daniel is from El Salvador, as are several of my co-workers. He knows a handful of English words, mostly work related-- "sweep," "lunch," "time to clock out and go home"-- although this has not stopped us from flirting on and off as he pieces together bits of broken furniture and I price my tattered books. My Spanish is a combination of over-cheer and misplaced accents, so this has mostly been an adventure in body language.

He bought me lunch last week. Chinese food. How very cultural.

So we stumble through our conversations, and I realize how very many Spanish words I am able to slaughter, and how useless my limited vocabulary is. I point to things, to the shoes on the shelves or the covers of my books, and I struggle with the foreign syllables-- "libros!" "caballo!" "zapatos!"

I made it my goal to touch him this week. I didn't realize how few times we make physical contact with co-workers until I made a conscious effort to nudge his shoulder or brush his hand. There aren't near enough excuses to touch one another these days.

This afternoon, my hands were so cold, all day, despite high temperatures outside. Fantastic, cold hands, what a perfect avenue to engage in some casual contact. The thought crosses my mind and I start to smile and heat washes over me and my fingers are no longer cold. Damn! Now what?

The freezer! Aha!

And unguarded moment in the staff kitchen...

"Daniel! My hands! Muy frío!..."

Mission accomplished.

Monday, June 01, 2009

I just want your kiss, boy...

She sat alone, watching the fireworks, giant blue and green orgasms that left spiderweb stains on the black velvet sky. Happiness puddled in her stomach, leaked from beneath her fingertips, oozed out of her pores. A tangy breeze tiptoed off the water to ruffle her hair and send tiny goosebumps racing down her spine. Her eardrums reverberated as the rockets shot up and out, and she couldn't stop smiling, and she couldn't stop crying, and she couldn't remember a better night.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

And we can pop bottles all night...

Oh my dear sweet baby James! It's been a while... I still love this song!

I still love YOU!

You know, sometimes I don't know what the hello is going on. Other times, I'm sitting at a bar with Amanda and Jessica, drinking margaritas, and I'm thinking, hey, this is right where I need to be right now.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ya need never ever gotta go in your wallet, long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket...

So, I'm still not writing every day, although I'm getting better. I hope that it is at least somewhat apparent that I am using this journal as a means to hone my writing skills, in addition to its uses as a memory keeper and friend link. Granted, I rarely re-read the entries nowadays-- not before posting, that is-- so I'm sure there are misspelled words and grammatical faux pas terrorizing my fragile sentences, but that aside, I hope that you find some enjoyment in the reading aside from merely satisfying that aching hunger for news of my life.

Jessica and I went home late late Tuesday night, sneaking up to the old bedroom a bit before five Wednesday morning and sleeping a few hours before she went to her house. The absence of Meagan (and Abby) did not go unnoticed; they left for California Tuesday morning. (She is there safely now, in case you were curious, and she already has a part time job and a cute little apartment!) I got to spend some really good time with Gramma, and later Jessica came back over and we (along with Lindsey) headed out on some Africa errands. Jessica and I grabbed some cute skirts at the Salvation Army and I picked up a little set of flower speakers for my iPod at T.J. Max, then home again home again to visit with the parents and siblings. Thursday afternoon we said goodbye to Graham, who was off to Tuscaloosa, then Lindsey, Gramma, and I met Mom for a pedicure (which was oh-so-relaxing). Mom and I went to a doctor's appointment for moi, then I ran by the farmer's market to pick up a few veggies and some blackberry jalapeño jelly (delicious!). I met Jessica at Jonathan's apartment, where we got to see his loveliness and a few of his friends. We ducked in at Jeff's to say hello, then I headed to Outback to meet the fam for Dad's birthday celebration (with the parents, the grandmothers, the sibling, and the uncle).

We finished dinner, then had some cake at the house, then I packed up, Jessica arrived, and away we went!

The ride home was rather uneventful, aside from the considerable number of animals we saw on the way home. Mostly these animals were red splatters on the highway, although we did get to see a few deer and even a fox in the wee hours of the morning!

Here I spent the first paragraph babbling about my writing, practically begging for compliments, and what did I do? I spent the whole post listing, sentence after sentence summing up the day to day goings on of a very brief time in my recent life. Alas, it is necessary, for my memory already experiences daily failures, and I imagine the condition will only worsen as I age. So what's going on in your life? I'm dying to know, you know...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Why, why, why, oh, why are you quick to kiss?

I thought of some other song obsessions: You're My Flame by Zero 7, Be Still My Heart by the Postal Service, Umbrella by Rhianna, and Souls Like the Wheels by the Avett Brothers. Right now I cannot stop listening to Snails by The Format.

Lindsey's graduation was oh so much fun. I left several hours after work on Friday, called Graham upon my arrival in the wee hours of the morning, and grabbed a quick nap in the Gribbin House living room. I awoke with cheerful hellos to Lindsey and Lydia and Genevieve, then off to breakfast with the siblings and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jim. Back at the house we read some stories out of Pretty Little Things, which was appropriately entertaining.

Later I battled traffic to meet the Aunt and Uncle at Wal-mart/Sam's for some grocery fun, then a quick trip back to campus for the actual New College ceremony. There in a great long row were Aunt Dana, David, Grandmomma, Nancy, Katie, Morgan, Mom, Meagan, Gramma, Uncle Keith, Dad, and Graham! My oh my, but it was a beautiful sight. The event was short and sweet; the speakers were interesting and the graduates glowing. We ambushed Lindsey with celebratory confetti poppers in the lobby afterward, shared a few awkward minutes snapping pictures and not quite mixing with the crowd, then re-convened in the Canterbury for some delicious fun and exciting food.

Little things made that day so nice... Uncle Jim cutting limes for the Corona, Nancy turning cartwheels in the yard, Dad strumming his guitar... family is good. I wish Everyone could have stayed longer, although the night that followed was fun as well. The family trickled away, with an especially tearful goodbye to Meagan, who left for California on Tuesday. Those of us left- if my memory serves me, that was me, Lindsey, Graham, Alex (whose mother I was able to meet; she made a mean batch of turnip greens!), Lydia (whose family I got to see (including the elusive Henry!), although I didn't get to spend near enough time with them (can you ever spend enough time with Velma Atkins?)), Genevieve (after a brief hiatus in which she joined adventured out with her family), Drew (a new friend we (kinda) made that day) and... hmm. I think that was it at the time, although please forgive (and promptly correct) me if I've left anyone out. I've compiled that silly list just to say that we mostly scattered and took naps! Eventually we awoke to scavenge for left over beer and potato salad, began a game of Trivial Pursuit, and enjoyed the company of Ryan and Ben and Max and Nicole and various other kindred spirits.

Graham and Lindsey and Ryan and I late went to the Bear Trap to see Chris (who had also been at the afternoon's festivities) play and drink a few beers... that is to say, we drank beer and Chris played guitar. We did not go to watch Chris drink beer. ANYway, I played a lonesome game of quarters for the first part of the night, much to the annoyance of my companions, until Brock showed his smiling face and upped the stakes by... well, by playing, so it was an actual game and not just me throwing quarters at a cup of beer. Lindsey joined, and by the end of the night we were really very good, to the delight of the barkeep, I'm sure, as our intended one round became two and three and four. There toward the end the bar really filled up, and we visited with another friend, Boone, for a bit, and then it was home again for more scavenging, and perhaps a little bit of dancing amidst the glow of a light-switch rave.

Sunday morning, I eventually breakfasted with Ryan and Lydia and Lindsey at Sonic before Ryan and Lydia parted for the day. The afternoon involved another nap, if I'm not mistaken, some light reading and light showers. Graham and I had dinner at a Chinese place downtown, where we were served cripy fried "chips" and what appeared to be a bowl of warm ketchup before our meal. As we left I had a brief conversation with a young woman at an outdoor table, who was down on her luck and vomited in the middle of our conversation (although she continued talking immediately following said spewage without any acknowledgment of the abrupt eruption) and then I packed up the car and headed for home.

It was hard to leave, though. That is a fun group there. I think I will miss Lindsey's college experience as much as she will.

Not to far away from Montgomery I almost hit a deer, which led to the scariest incident in recent memory. She appeared very suddenly on 82, dark and beautiful and terrifying. I swerved left, missed her by inches I'm sure (although at the time the violent jerking of my car convinced me that she had, indeed, been hit), and fishtailed on the grass and gravel alongside the highway. Seconds later-- days, really, but time gets funny situations like these-- the back end of my car took a final swerve, sending me back on the road, perched in the same lane, facing north this time, and all I could think about was an episode of the Gilmore Girls where Rory gets hit by a deer and how I didn't die and how I should call my parents (which I did).

Once in the city a black jeep pulled up behind me a cut off his lights for a spell before exiting, and at the well-lit gas station I was approached by a man asking for gas money. My dear frazzled nerves went on strike at that point, and remained in hiding for the better part of a week. As you can see though, dear sweet Reader, I made it home safe and sound, and I'm already so behind in my updates that this long rambly entry does does even begin to cover my most recent tales of joy and sorrow.

It is late. And I tire.

Until next time...

Thursday, May 07, 2009

But me, myself, I got nothing to prove...

Jessica and I celebrated cinco de mayo in style-o. READ: We sat on the porch and drank beer until odd hours, then went to bed. It was really nice, though.

I think I have a crush on a guy at work, but it's not really a justified crush. He doesn't speak English, and my Spanish is terrible. He is very attractive. His name is Daniel. I don't think it is his real name.

Tomorrow after work I'm headed to Tuscaloosa. I'm not looking forward to the drive or the gas bill, but I am very much looking forward to hanging out with my family and friends on Saturday. It's going to be fantastic.

Speaking of money... I gotta find another job. I haven't been looking in earnest, yet, so no complaints in that department. I did go ahead and move to part time at Goodwill so I have a set schedule there and some free time to actually look.

I don't think I wrote about the wine festival. It was really nice! I had to work Saturday when Amanda and Jessica and Chelsea went, and then I volunteered with Jessica and Chelsea Sunday. We handed out wine glasses, and then at the end we got to do a little wine tasting. Since they had been yesterday, they had some excellent recommendations. The weather was really nice.

We also celebrated dos de mayo! Amanda and Chelsea went out to the celebration and had a hook-up at the margarita stand; I met them later, and Jessica came once she got off work. There's a big fountain in the park area that just shoots up from the sidewalk, and Jessica and I ran through it toward the end. It was very perfect.

Not so perfect? I then lost my keys... I'm still not sure how it happened, although we think that I may have set them down when I was getting my tickets and then the ladies at the table turned them in to Cantina Loredo (where I finally tracked them down the next day). That day ended up being really good, actually, because I went to see Amanda at work, and they had puppies and I played with them. I also went grocery shopping, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

You don't have to be naked for this.

I don't have to not be naked for it, either, ahaa!

Saturday, May 02, 2009

You still ain't got a job, and I work in a market as a check-out girl...

I've watched some movies recently. Here is what I think about what I have seen:

1. American History X - I watched this over Easter weekend at Jonathan's with him and a few of his friends. It was good, although violent. I remember Micah and his friends talking about it a lot in high school. I guess it lived up to expectations, though. I like Edward Norton.

2. High School Musical (I, II, and III)- Zac Efron? More like Zac, what the EF is wRONg with you?! But seriously... I would watch them again.

3. Seven Pounds- I really liked this one, although it was sad. Will Smith continues to impress. I did not know he was actually that talented. Well... he is.

4. Twilight- I thought the movie was worse than the books, which is surprising, considering how terrible the books are. I read them all, so I can say that. I thought the movie was going to be good. I was wrong.

5. Bride Wars- Cute, funny, nothing bad, nothing special.

6. Slumdog Millionaire- Another violent flick, but still very good. I can see why the movie won so many awards. The little boys were adorable. The acting was great. The story was interesting. I just watched this one a few minutes ago. I'm still not sure what feeling one is supposed to be left feeling.

So, there are some movies I have been watching. I have also been listening to a lot of This American Life and a few episodes of Radio Lab.

Sometimes I will want to just listen to one song over and over and over and over. Most recently, this song has been Fast Car. Some other songs that I remember becoming obsessive over include, but are not limited to: We Both Go Down Together by the Decemberists; Fluresent Adolescent by Kate Nash; The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson; Paper Planes by M.I.A.; Though Shall Always Kill by Scroobius Pip vs. Dan le Sac; Irreplaceable by Beyonce; Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens; Foundations by Kate Nash; Walcott by Vampire Weekend; The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine; Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie; Oxford Comma by Vampire Weekend; and Whatever You Like by T.I. These songs have been listed in no particular order. They are just the ones that I can remember at the moment. I just listen to them over and over...

Friday, May 01, 2009

I've seen those English dramas, too... they're cruel...

Every day I come to this site, and every day I stare at the blinking cursor, punch the space bar a few times, refresh the page, and close the browser. Perhaps not at poetic as the shutting of a blank journal, but significant nonetheless. I am deciding, right now, to write more. Lots and lots of people recommend writing every day, although I can't recall the famous author who advised such, even if it's just to write what you had for breakfast this morning.

This morning, I had an apple for breakfast. And last Tuesday, Jesse Hill was killed in a dirt biking accident. The last time I saw Jesse was on Easter Sunday; the last actual conversation I had with him was probably when I was 13 and he was 10. He was one of Graham's closest friends from middle school. I talked to my mom about the service last night; all these names kept coming up, little boys who are not little boys any more, boy scouts who are college-age men, doing college-age things, not thinking about the pinewood derby or working on homework while my mom teaches a bunch of 8 year-old kids how to tie knots.

Wednesday I went to a banquet in Tuscaloosa, where I got to see my family and many friends. I got there late and enjoyed the dinner and the speakers and the South African Ballet troupe. I missed the drummers. I showed everyone my quilt and drank a Red Stripe and stayed up really late talking about scotch tape and smart cars and I ate Taco Bell with Ryan Spain.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

...and I'm thinking about what to think about.

Last night I had a dream where "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson came on the radio. This song is the alarm on my phone, and I awoke with a start.

I've been re-reading The Hound of the Baskervilles on my breaks at work, when I'm not working on my quilt. Two days ago I was hit on by a man with crazy eyes who is building a time machine.

I have found copies of The Little Prince in Spanish (which I gave to Jonathan), French, and English.

I think I made a new friend at work today. She is a college student around here who loves old books and old movies.

Jessica and Amanda and I went out tonight and talked about people who died for a long time. It was very sad but also very cathartic in a lot of ways. Then we started Steel Magnolias. Now we are all asleep.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

You can deny the Holocaust all you want, but you can’t deny that there’s something between us...

Friday evening I was mighty tired, so I decided to just sleep and sleep and wake up and drive, which I did, around 4 Saturday morning. I actually got on the road around five, and the drive took longer than planned because I missed a turn a couple hours into the journey. I had planned to grab some lunch with Lance, but I misjudged my Birmingham route and missed him, unfortunately. I ended up stopping in Dodge City to have lunch with Jeff.

That afternoon I got home and saw the fam (sans Graham, who didn't arrive until later that night). Lindsey, Meagan, and I went out looking at dresses and bought some scraps for Lindsey's potential quilt. We dyed some really beautiful/experimental eggs later. Sunday morning everyone got dressed up and headed to church for a really nice service, despite the babbling babies. Francis and Audrey sang "Roll Away the Stone," which is a bit of an Easter tradition at St. Joe's, I suppose. The song is always beautiful, and this year was no exception. They didn't begin with the usual haunting two part that they usually use, but they kicked it up by the end. The build up was totally worth it. It never fails to bring tears. It's beautiful, and it reminds me why the Jesus story has continued to thrive. What a wonderful hopeful ending!!!

Mom really put together an outstanding Easter dinner for that afternoon. Grandmomma and Uncle Keith came, as well as Jill and Hunter and Hope. We took a few pictures and attempted to fly kites. After the egg battle (which Mom totally won, as usual (although Moonie had her beat last year, I believe)) we played a long lovely round of bacci ball! My grandmother playing bacci is the cutest thing in the world.

I was supposed to leave Sunday night, but the skies were unfriendly and I decided to not drive through the tornadoes and call in to work. Lindsey and Graham had crazy damage in Tuscaloosa. I ended up spending a few hours with Jonathan; I worked on my quilt and got to meet some of his friends and we watched some Summer Heights High, Pete and Pete, and then American History X. Monday was a very lazy day, in which I mostly slept, did a little laundry and packing, and spent some time with Meagan. I left around 7 that evening, hitting a little rain in Muscle Shoals and otherwise enjoying clear-ish skies and no rainfall. I made it home in six hours and with limited commercial interruption.

Pre-Easter:

Amanda and Jessica are very silly, and we had a lovely night filled with full wine glasses and nineties hits. We dance and we sang and we did not throw up on this.

Kite flying the first: more successful. Jessica and I took Magenta and Riff Raff to the park for some high flying adventures. We also played with some puppies earlier that day. It was the first sunny day in at least a week, and we definitely enjoyed it.

Sometime soon I need to tell you about some thoughts about Lent and the Easter Season and about church and about me.

Right now though? Right now, I'm going to bed.

Maybe next year.

What I'd really like to see you do in the coming weeks is party harder and party smarter than usual. In my astrological opinion, you're most likely to attract life's maximum generosity by shedding some of your social inhibitions and cultivating the pleasures of free-form networking. Believe me, I know how important it is for you to maintain the kind of strict boundaries that protect you from being overly influenced by other people. It's what keeps you in close touch with your intuition. But for the foreseeable future, I think you'll thrive on the unexpected blessings that come from giving yourself to the intelligence of the crowd.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

But we'll stay...

Goddamn, my life is good.

FACT: I am so lonely.

I love everything about you that hurts

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I will stay here, with you, my love...

The rain has slowed to a quiet drizzle, but it was storming something fierce earlier. The thunder shook us so hard that my car alarm went off.

The Second Gleam is always a satisfying listen.

Check out the Felice Brothers next time you're bored.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Sometimes I dream I'm driving down an old dirt road...

Last week Jonathan scared the bejesus out of me in the Dollar General. I knew that he was down South, but I thought he was in Gulf Shores. Apparently, this was part of a fiendish plan crafted weeks ago by one Miss Jessica Hyde.

"She knows I'm at the beach! What do I do?!"
"...tell her you're at a different beach."

He was actually staying in Destin with his mother and sister! He and Jessica were text messaging, and they orchestrated a brilliant maneuver in which Jonathan stood creepily close to me and I just about ran over him. We hung out that day and drank a little a saw his hotel room and played Trivial Pursuit! I think that was Wednesday.

Friday afternoon (I think), Chelsea and Noreese got in town. They (and Amanda) went to eat while Jessica and I visited the Red Door (the Barn Door? Something like that...) for a few free drinks and met up with Jonathan. The girls joined us later, and we chatted it up on the porch for a while before heading home. Chelsea and Noreese were in Amanda's room, Amanda was in my room, Jonathan fell asleep on the couch, and Jessica and I went to bed in her room.

When I fell asleep, Jessica was in the bed. When I woke, Jeff was in the bed! This may have been one of the most surreal moments in my entire life. I kinda freaked out a little inside and couldn't quite make everything fit in my head the way should have. I walked to living room, seeing a pallet with what I assumed was Jessica and Jonathan, but it turned out to be Jessica and Lance! Apparently, Jonathan was only phase one of Operation Best Surprise Ever.

Noreese made pancakes and sausage for everyone, and then we all headed to the beach in Seaside. I must say, we make a hot crowd. Jonathan and Noreese and I even ventured into the ocean! I took a walk with the boys and later we took some silly pictures before heading to Publix and then home. for dinner. Jessica and Amanda made up the hamburgers while I fired up the grill. We did burgers and hot dogs and made up a ghetto game of beer pong in the backyard. Later... many beers later... we went inside and played some Captain Dickhead and later Pick-up Lines.

Sunday everyone went home. While I was sad to see them leave, it was kinda nice to have the house quiet again. I think we all three spent ungodly amounts of time in our own rooms just enjoying having three people in the house instead of eight.

Let's see... other stuff happened this week, I'm sure, but let's jump to today...

Jessica and I went to the beach to fly a kite, but we were wildly unsuccessful. All Raphael wanted to do was spin in ridiculous circles and occasional dive bomb one of us. Later we drove around, exploring a little, and then we went to Winn Dixie to get stuff for dinner!

Tonight we grilled kabobs (chicken, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, bacon, squash, zucchini) and had a cake with whipped cream! If you're thinking that we are the coolest three people in the world right about now, then you are correct.

Jessica and I played a little frisbee in the backyard, then we all three came in to eat and watch the telly. Amanda headed to bed and Jessica and I played a round of Trivial Pursuit (which seems to have become somewhat of a nighttime ritual) and then we went to bed, too. And by went to bed, I mean here I am, Reader, with you.

I like driving backwards in the fog...

Things That Make Me Feel Like a Grown-up, In a Good Way
~ a well-stocked medicine cabinet
~ feeding people on short notice
~ having guests spend the night
~ lighting candles
~ parking decks
~ calling my grandmothers

Things That Make Me Feel Like a Kid, In a Good Way
~ cheese and mustard sandwiches
~ playing with kids
~ having my hair done
~ lighting matches
~ diving boards
~ drinking out of funny straws

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Updateyness.

Have I ever told you that I'm a little in love with Michael Landon?

Well, it's time you knew. Bonanza, Little House, even Highway to Heaven... all of them are worth watching. Bonanza's my favorite show overall, although Pa in Little House is my favorite character. I've never actually watched Highway to Heaven, but I still highly recommend it.

Hey, I'm in Florifreakinda. Saturday my parentals followed me down with a truck load o' my stuff. We unloaded that evening and then went to grocery shopping, then off to P.F. Chang's (along with Jessica). Dinner was nice. They like the new house and played with the animals a lot. Sunday morning we went to Fort Walton to look for a mattress, then ate at the Crab Trap. They left that afternoon, which was really sad. I miss them a lot already. I guess I miss them, but I also miss their nearness, and having the option of going to see them whenever I wanted. The same goes for my friends... I miss you a lot already.

On the bright side, I love my new house! It's bright and happy and yellow inside. My roommates are great. Duh. I'm still jobless, but I've gotten some applications to turn in tomorrow and a few people who have suggested sending in my resume in case they start hiring soon. Tomorrow Jessica and I are going to explore the city and check out the local museums to see if they're hiring. Friday Amanda and I are going to get some sun! I can't wait!

I'm almost all unpacked. We were unsuccessful in our mattress search, so that's something I've still got to get. For now I've got a single mattress chilling on my queen frame, so it's like sleeping with a moat around me. I like that.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Our little pony-tailed girl, grown up to be a woman, and she's gone in the blink of an eye...

I took my car in to the shop. (Directions from Dad: Go to Columbia, by the railroad tracks. Go half a block, turn between the big brown garages. There's no sign. Go to the back door. Ask for Ronnie.) We got repairs done to the body, which, having survived the sixteenth birthdays of four children, was a bit banged up. It's lookin' pretty chic now, although the inside smells like turpentine. Yum.

My hair is blue; the day of dying was a really fantastic day. Jessica came over that morning, and throughout the day different people were in and out of the apartment (like O'Brian, Jeff, Jonathan, and Meagan (and Abby)) while we bleached and blued me. That night, Jessica, Meagan, Rachel, Erin, Melody, and I went to Tuscaloosa for Blue Two! We started the night with Candyland and ended it on mushy couches. Meagan and I played some serious beer pong, and I think I got to second base with Jessica. Lindsey was a glitter princess, which isn't to much different than Lindsey on a regular basis. I spent some quality time with Ryan, got to see Elizabeth and Nathan and Melissa, and even got to hang out with Boyd there at the end (long past when I should have been around people).

This is really one of those posts where I'm just saying things as they pop into my mind.

Vagina!

No, seriously. Vagina Monologues is over! The show went well; the cast was fantastic! I'm bummed we didn't get a cast picture. The first night we had some technical difficulties, but they were all fixed by Thursday. Difficulties or not, everyone performed well and we had a good audience both nights. O'Brian did Vagina Security Wednesday, and my parents came to the show. Thursday Jeff, Meagan, and Brittany (super exciting!) came to see it, as well as Kari.

Last weekend I went to a memorial service for Grammer at Britni's house. I got there really late, coming in to hear a family friend singing Amazing Grace. I stood with Mark and Lance and Britni in the back, listening to the music and the kind words people had to say. There was food and sweet talk and nice memories. Later I got to watch a video with just the family, which made me feel very special. She was a really important person, and I don't think I'll ever be able to remember the college years without her coming to mind.

From there I traveled down to Santa Rosa to unpack a carload of (mostly) clothing! I spent Sunday doing laundry and putting it away, as well as spending some quality time with the animals. Monday morning Jessica and I went out and about, getting keys made and picking up a few things. I finished up laundry, hung out with Amanda some, then headed home. I think it was a very good thing to be there over the weekend; it helped me become more excited about the move, instead of just sad and anxious.

The last couple days have all been spend packing and cleaning and doing laundry. I may have been bitten by a brown recluse a few minutes ago. 90% sure it was a recluse. Only 10% worried that it bit me. I'll keep you updated.

And now, I must say goodbye, at least temporarily. I'm headed to Birmingham tonight, and I'll complete the journey tomorrow morning. I don't know how long before we'll have internet, but I will try to remember each adventure. I love you so much.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

You ain't gotta downgrade; you can get what I get...

"You Can Have Whatever You Like"

I love this song.

The end.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dark and lonely is the ride, the devil always by my side...

Today was such a good day!

Jeff woke me up crazy early to have breakfast... maybe that wasn't so amusing at the time, but it's funny in retrospect, right? Right. He left for work and I went back to sleep until O'Brian called to wake me around 10:30. He called four times, but instead of waking me up I just kept incorporating the theme song to the Fresh Prince-- his ring tone-- into my dreams. I was chasing the beagles, and it just kept playing over and over again on the radio. Finally I really did wake up, let him in, and began the day.

We got about halfway through an episode of The L Word before the power went off. It was pretty windy, but the rain had mostly stopped by this point. I texted Jonathan, and soon we were at his place snacking on Nutella and finishing our show. We left after a bit and came back to the apartment, where we watched a few more episodes. Jeff came home for lunch and I made spinach and mushroom alfredo pasta. Delicious!

Jeff left again and O'Biz and I went decided to go to Diebert and enjoy what had become a beautiful day! We attempted to fly a kite, with limited success. By limited, I mean the string sliced my finger open and the actual kite spent more time nose-deep in the ground than in the sky. Failing at kite flying, we walked for maybe twenty minutes and then laid in the grass and read some.

Home again, and we watched the finale episode of the season we'd been following. The series was sad today, but the weather was nice and the company excellent. Jeff had returned home, and after O'Brian left we watched the last two episodes of Avatar, a Nickelodeon series we started watching like two years ago. It was pretty great, and a nice break from the intensity of The L Word.

Other things of note: Vagina Monologues are coming up, I hung out with Christian the other day, and Jonathan and I got two a.m. Tourway a couple nights ago.

The move is coming up soon, and I'm scared out of my wits and more excited than I've been in a long time!!!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

You are beautiful and peaceful this way...

TO LEON WORTH

I ask the forebearance of the children who may
read this book for dedicating it to a grown-up.
My first and most serious reason is that he
is the best friend I have in the world.
My second reason is that this grown-up
understand everything, even books about children.
And my third reason is that he lives in France
where is is hungry and cold.
He needs cheering up.
If all these reasons are not enough,
I will dedicate the book to the little boy
from whom this grown-up grew.
All grown-ups were children once --
although few of them remember it.
And so I correct my dedication:

TO LEON WORTH
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you...

Well well well.

I move in about a month. This past weekend I went to Destin to visit Jessica and Amanda and look at a home, which we have decided to rent! It's in Santa Rosa, and it's a three bedroom in the back of neighborhood. My room has a four poster antique bed, which they are going to leave, as well as a desk with shelf space. Jessica has a dresser I can use, which cuts down my moving cost and effort a good bit. I'm excited and anxious. It's definitely getting time for a move, and I'm going to be in warmer climates and by the beach, and living with Jessica, and having pets again! I'm worried about finding work that is fulfilling, about money, about being so far from my parents and sisters and brother and friends!

Let's see... I'm not directing the Vagina Monologues, which is a pretty major bummer. It's something I've been talking about for months now, and most of you knew about it. Anyway, turns out that since I graduated I can't help direct. I think the play will still be fine, of course, but it's hard to wrap my head around being in a different role. I also think I'm a better director than I am at being on stage, and I have more experience with that (even it's still not much). The cast is fantastic, of course. I have seriously considered quitting and just going on with the move right this moment, but I don't want to give up that time with my friends here.

When I was in Destin, we (me, Jessica, Amanda, and Chelsea) went to a Civil War re-enactment. We had a very nice picnic and then watched the skirmish. It was very cool and very loud. We saw a woman making a cathedral quilt; I'm now attempting to make one myself, with limited success. I'll show you pictures when it's finished. I'll be honest, it may end up being a cathedral pillow instead.

I have my phone back, but the screen is messing up. It did this some when I was using Meagan phone, so I think it might be a problem with my sim card and not the actual phone. I can still get calls and dial out (usually), but sometimes I can't read texts or actually see to figure out who I'm calling if I don't know the number by heart.

I've done about a million loads of laundry this week, though my room still looks disasterous. It's a big part of packing, though, so hurray for being somewhat productive!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Well, good God damn and other such phrases...

I've been going through some severe musical addictions recently.

First, Dan le Sac and Scroobius Pip. They are a British hip-hop duo, I suppose. I think Pip used to be a slam poet. This is the first song I heard; these two are my other favorites.

Next is was Ingrid Michaelson, who is featured on several commercials. The jingle that ran on the telly is still the best, although I love her other stuff, too.

My current love is Kate Nash, who has escaped my computer and has blasted through my car speakers. She is bitter and beautiful.

Keep it loose, keep it tight,

Friday, January 09, 2009

Your eyes are beating rhythms way faster than the speeding bullet that took the life of your radio.

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Saturday, January 03, 2009

Come January, we're frozen inside...

Room for Squares is such a good album. I've been re-visiting it, and it still fits me like a charm, despite the holiday casseroles and gallons of eggnog. Somethings never change.

Most things do, though. Consider yourself warned.

You know, sometimes I forget why I feel things, even when I don't forget why I feel them. I forgot why I loved Christmas until I was right smack dab in the middle of it, then it hit me like a ton of bricks, or a ton of pine needles and wrapping paper, and my heart almost burst with love. I spent New Year's Eve with my family, of course. We got Mom a new kitten; his name is Moz (short for Mozart). Potato soup, I love thee with the fiery heat of a thousand suns.

We had an early brunch at my grandmother's house Christmas morning, and I worked that afternoon. I hung out with the cousins the next day. It's amazing how cool they've all turned out to be. I wish they all were my next door neighbors. I spent one night out there hanging out and playing tiddlywinks with Nancy. The next day I took Morgan and David to see Marley and Me. It was good, although you should be prepared to cry at the end (which I was). The next morning Morgan and I had brunch together, which was really special and fun.

I went to Birmingham at some point. Maybe that was late on the 26th? I went down late after playing some Scatagories with Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Moonie, and Katie. I arrived at one-ish, and when to bed shortly after, cuddled up with Jessica and Lance.

You should check your rage at the door. A little jealousy is to be expected, but that is excessive. I'm sure they will sleep with you, too, if you ask nicely.

J-money left early early that morning, and Lance, Jeff, and I went to the Browns to have breakfast with Lance's parents and Ms. Britni Marks. It was so good to see Lance's mom again; I haven't seen in her in a year or more. After that Lance and I followed Britni to her house, where we saw Mark for a hot minute before he had to leave; we also visited with Grammar and Britni's mother. We were going to go to the park, but clouds came a'rolling in while we were inside, so we decided to play in the backyard instead (with Odin and Lucky). Then Lance and I went back to his apartment, I think, and then I went to meet Jeff and James and Chris at Panera Bread.

Sitting at a table with three hot boys can be very intimidating; I felt like I was on one of those MTV dating shows. Weird. Later we were joined by Alice, Ricky, and Justin. It was a nice meal. Jeff and I left for Darren's; I stopped in to say hello and then was off again, back to Florence.

Oh, and this is when I lost my phone. By the by, it has been found again. It was in my boot in Lance's apartment. I just got it back and it is charging right this very minute.

Time time time...

Oh!

New Year's Eve. I was pretty wishy-washy about my plans. I thought I had to work on the 31st, but turns out I was scheduled for the first. I had a really wonderful dinner with my parents and Graham, and then I intended to go to Birmingham. I stopped at my apartment to grab my license (which I couldn't even find at the time, although I have found it since), locked the door, and promptly shut my keys in the trunk of my car. Unable to get into my car or apartment, and still not having a phone, I knocked upon my neighbor's door, borrowed a phone, and watched twenty minutes of the latest Superman movie while Graham brought a key.

Graham said I should probably just stay home, which I did. It was a very subdued but nice way to bring in the New Year. Meagan was an hour later in her celebration; I think this is the first time one of us has been in a different time zone at midnight. Strange. Mom crashed early, so Dad and Graham and I toasted her and called Meg and Lindsey and shot the rifle and blitzed the Boulevard with firecrackers galore.

I worked New Year's Day, and one of my clients went a little crazy. It was a stressful day, but I handled things pretty well. Hopefully it was not a harbinger of 2009.

Yesterday-- which I am sorely tempted to call today, seeing as I am still awake-- was a bit lazy, but in a nice way. I slept late, then met Jeff for lunch at Wok and Roll. We came home and played on googlemaps, later heading to my parents' house for dinner. We mostly talked to Mom and played with Abby and Moz. Now it is so late that it's early, and I'm going to catch some Z's before work this afternoon. I'll be there 2-10 tonight and I work a double tomorrow (6am-10pm). I'll be in touch.