I been in the right place, but it musta been the wrong time.

This is the third day in a row I've woken up with a headache; it's almost like a hang-over headache... nothing intense, just dull pain... no, I haven't been drinking before bed.

I have the wierdest dream. I can't even begin to describe the one I had last night , but I will tell some of the key elements: People involved were my dad, Lindsey, Meagan, Jessica, Meaghan, Andrew, Andrew's cousin Jessica (except her name was Brandi in the dream), Leon, Leon's new girlfriend, Matt Oliver, and some boy I don't know. Locations included a huge hotel, my dad's truck, a giant outdoor assembly at an all-girl's Catholic school, an after-church assembly, and an indoor football stadium. Events included Lindsey and I almost getting arrested, everyone loosing each other constantly, Dad ramsacking people's hotel rooms (a la Lockpick Pornography), a lot of running and being lost and being confused and being frustrated.

I couldn't make this kinda stuff up.

The other night I had a dream that had Bill Cosby, Whoopi Goldberg, and a huge gorrilla in the same scene... other key players included Terri, Jessica, Terri's friend (in the dream) with a crimson beard, and Johnny Depp... most of the dream took place in what was supposed to be Lacey R.'s living room, although she was never actually present.

Who needs drugs? Seriously...

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire...

I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of the weather
Left there to drown...
Left there to drown in their innocence.

They say we're young and we don't know; we won't find out until we grow.

Hi, Grace here live from Bungalow 12.

What's that?

Oh yes, I said it... Bungalow 12. We are connected.

We are connected.

I love music... that's my favorite thing about having the internet... I'ma download so much music...

In closing, IM my away message because I will actually get them.

Yay!

It took me a long time, she said, to stop confusing safety with love.

I love the story people. So much.

I get off in less than two hours! Yay! I'm ready to go home.

I'm ready for summer.

I'm ready for something. Change. Something. Fast.

Ugh... I refuse to write any more pathetic blogs.

When I read this in a few years, I want to remember happy.

You will look and you'll find what you've been missing...

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	used to be sweets... now... bacon, maybe? REAL bacon, by the by... none of that turkey mess.	Not much to explain... it's bacon! It's the most fantastic meat product there is! It's good on sandwiches or with eggs or in salads or by itself... it's good microwaved or fried or pre-packaged.
Literary:	V.C. Andrews	I really get into her books, but I also think she is pretty twisted. All her plots are pretty much the same. All her characters are pretty much the same. But still... once I pick up a book, I can't put it down.
Audiovisual:	Anything of the Will Ferrel/Ben Stiller group or the Adam Sandler group.	I know, I know, these movies are dumb. They are. Most of them; not all of them, but most of them. But come on... they are also freaking hilarious! How can you not laugh?
Musical:	Anything Pop	Yeah yeah, I find myself singing along. I don't listen to much BSB or *NSYNC, but I'll sing a Brittney tune every now and again...
Celebrity:	Bianca Beauchamp	She's not so much a celebrity as she is a really hot porn star. Look her up. I really love Vince Vaughn, John Stewart, Maggie Gyllenhal, Jake Gyllenhal... this list could go on for a good long time.

I got tagged twice, so there it is. :)

I have to go finish cleaning, now. William's out with Rosario, and Harris is asleep.

It's a nice day... I have to go by Comcast and the Court House and UNA when I get off... jeez.

The Box Children, by Sharon Wyse.

Sometimes I come to places inside where it feels like a memory should be but instead there is just a hole, a place that feelings I am having right now can fall into.

I wonder what I will remember from now when I am old...

I hope I remember the smell that always comes right before rain. I don't know what makes it. It can't be the smell of water because once the rain starts, the smell stops. It can't be dirt or trees getting wet because they don't smell like that after the rain when they are still wet. I think it's the clouds, in teh moment when they are so heavy they have to let everything go. When I smell it I get hopeful.

I hope I remember rhow tornadoes churn and boil pinkish-green, then go black and take whatever they want.

I hope I remember the nights when there are so many stars that I could never count them all even if I started now and kept going until I'm too old to remember. My brother told me that some of them are so far away that by the time their light gets to me, the stars could be dead already. I wouldn't know it until years and years later. I'd be standing out here enjoying dead stars. Will it happen that one night a star I'm looking for will be gone because it died way before I was born? Or maybe it's a slower thing, just fading away little by little. I might not even notice.




I highly recommend this book. It was pretty sad, but it left you hopeful. The main character is vaguely reminiscent of the narrators of The Perks of Being a Wallflower and even The Catcher in the Rye, to a lesser extent.

I also just finished reading The Swiss Family Robinson. I recommend that, too... it's a little harder to get through because of the language, but it's a really truly charming book. I don't know if I've ever read anything that made me think "charming" and really mean it before.

I'm on the way to the day care... my last night, I believe, for this stint of subbing...

This isn't my mom, though...

Things would be different...

If I was a spider princess, she said, I would

spin webs the color of sky & catch drops of sunlight
to give to children who watch too much TV & then

everyone would remember to come outside to play.
If I was a spider princess, she said, things would be different.

Don't go lovin' on nobody but me.

Today has been fun. I arrived at the Tomlinson's at nine so Rosario and Stephen could head over to the children's museum and prepare for the party, then I brought the kids around 10.

There were several kids there, most of them distant cousins of mine, apparently. I made balloon animals, which seemed to impress the parents more than the kids, at first anyway. They ended up being a big hit, though... William popped one and hurt his hand towards the end... it was pretty pitiful.

I think he had a great time; they did a good job with the party. I spent most of my time with Harris, which was fun... he's so precious.

I wonder if I'll show Harris and William this one day when they're my age now. When William's 20, I'll be 37. Oh man... I immediately wish I hadn't typed that. Ugh. Anyway... I hope I'm still a part of their lives then. I mean, I probably won't be, in all honesty, and I don't mean that in a depressing way, but I imagine once I stop working for them we'll lose most contact... still... it's nice to think about.

Lindsey and Meagan came over last night... very fun, I assure you. My sisters are sofa king amazing.

I won a bike! That's still pretty exciting.

In other news...

Nope, I guess that's it.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die.

Here this now: I will always come for you.

But how can you be sure?

This is true love! You think this happens every day?

I think it's fly when the girls stop by for the summer.

I'm going to finish this social work assignment tonight. I am going to finish this social work assignment tonight. I am going to start my sociology assignment tonight, too. I am. I have to.

Here's hoping I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Did I tell you I almost fell asleep on the way home the other night? I'd been at my parent's house on the computer and then I decided to go home. I had just crossed the bridge and was coming to the light where you can turn onto Veteran's Drive. I felt the car start bumping and I jerked out of a stupor. I thought I'd hit the wall. I didn't realize I hadn't until I got home and there was absolutely no damage to the car. Falling asleep... that's something I would yell at one of my friends for. I had no idea that was gonna happen though, or I would have just spent the night in Sheffield. Scary.

Jessica and Meaghan and I played Scene-It tonight, along with helpful hints from O'Brian... I won! Complete fluke of course, since I'm "movie-retarded." Still, it was really fun...

Meaghan burned me a cd which kicks all kinds of ass. You have no idea. Graham gave me the first of the Narnia books on cd today to borrow, so it's in the car... huzzah!

I subbed at the day care... it was so nice. I got jumped by the kids. Literally. It was pretty ridiculous. It was fun, though. The school-agers especially made me feel wanted. I even had a parent give me a hug. I also found out Sheila wants me back. Suckah. And also, oh hell no. :)

I have my own life, and I am stronger than you know.

I got off work early so I could catch up on some school work... so here I am, working diligently.

Yesterday was pretty blah, but last night was nice. Very cathartic, I think. Nothing beats a night of drunken depression, now does it? Seriously... after the miserable day, it was nice. Jessica and I made some fun drinks then retired to the porch to smoke and talk and sing, and then O'Brian joined us, and we laughed and talked and cried until the wee hours of the morning... erm... like 11:15. Whatever. We started drinking at 7, so it felt really late. Then we started watching Derailed, which Jessica and I had seen at the $1.50... we went to bed pretty early into it, though (except O'Brian... I think he stayed up to finish it). All in all... nice. I love Jessica and O'Brian.

Did I tell you I won a bike?!??

Well, I did... random drawing at the GUC at UNA... pretty sweet, huh?

Here. Read these.

Lovers forever, face to face.
My city or mountains- stay with me, stay.
I need you to love me.
I need you today.
Give to me your leather
Take from me my lace...

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.

Allow me to be frank at the commencement: You will not like me.

The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now, and you will like me a good deal less as we go on.

Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time.

That is not a boast or an opinion; it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round, you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it.

Don't.

It is a deal of trouble for you, and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats.

Gentlemen, do not despair... I am up for that as well.

And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag- and later you will shag- I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down- I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me. how it is for me, and ponder: 'Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining , livelong moment.'

That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty-- you were not expecting that, I hope.

I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester, and I do not want you to like me.

Surely that's not to much to ask?

Because waiting on love ain't so easy to do...

What an eventful morning... I ran out of gas on the way to school, so O'Brian had to rescue me. Now I reek of gasoline... ugh. I went up to go to my first class, but I decided to skip it because I wasn't going to pay attention anyway. I think I have some stuff due in my social work class today, but I'm not sure, and I can't find the assignment anyway. This is maddening.

A relationship away from the computer would be nice. (No offense to my online friends!) Then again, I don't know where I get off wanting Mr. Right to show up on my doorstep when Lord knows I don't have the time, energy, or even desire to some extent to pursue anything real right now. Oh gag, that sounds so pathetic... well, so be it. This is my official 15 year old sob-story blog, and you will just have to deal with that. :) Anyway, the point is, I'm tired of not having a significant other. So there.

I've realized I say "anyway" much to much in my posts. That's gonna have to stop.

I'm changing my spring break plans. Lance, if you read this on here before I call you, I'm sorry. :( Here's the thing, though... I'm not working this summer because I'm going to be gone most of it. I have a couple weeks between the first Florida trip and Honduras with nothing planned, though, so I think I'm going to visit Grandma in Virginia then. This is actually best for several reasons: 1. I'll be able to work over the break and save up the money I'm going to need for this summer's ventures. 2. I'll be able to fly back with Grandma, probably, because she'll be coming down for Graham's graduation. 3. I need to fill that space in June because the only way I'm going to be able to afford this summer o' travel is if other people feed me. I have enough in savings that I can get everywhere I need to go; I just need meals provided for once I get there. :-D

Other randomness...

I have a headache; it's most likely from the gasoline.

Vanessa gets on my damn nerves.

I think Sebastian is kinda cute.

The cop this morning was an asshole.

Don't tell anyone one or you'll be just another regret.

Because Terri tagged me, you about to become privy to six weird things about me. I'm supposed to tag six others, but I hereby tag anyone who reads my blog, and let's just hope that's at least six people, lest my fragile ego be shattered.

1. I have a few... several... a lot of obsessive compulsive habits. I don't like to have the television volume on an odd number. I hate hate hate walking on brick paths unless I'm walking in the same direction or perpendicular to them. When walking on a lined floor, I usually avoid lines and I don't even realize it. I call these things habits, not official compulsions, though, because if I'm distracted and don't notice what I'm doing, these things don't bother me... they just really really annoy me when I do realize them.

2. I dream people (especially friends and family) die alllll the time. It's never a very normal scene, although it always feels real in the dream. I think I dream someone I love dies at least once a week.

3. I personify everything. When I was little, I wouldn't throw away toys because I felt bad. I would play with toys I didn't like so they wouldn't have hurt feelings. I still personify everything. Every time I walk through the storage area of the basement at my parents house I honestly tear up. I feel so very very sad and sorry for all the dolls that aren't being played with... I think they're lonely.

4. I really believe in a sixth sense. I think it's an evolutionary trait that hasn't been fully developed in most people yet. I don't think this means some people can see into the future or the past or talk to your sad dog about his relationship issues. I don't believe this comes from God or Satan anymore than the other five senses do. Anyway, weird thing number four about me: I get these weird premonition types feelings. Almost never about anything important, which is disappointing... in fact, it's quite useless. Regardless, it's there... ask me for examples if you want; just laugh if you're rather.

5. I want a dozen kids. That's pretty weird, huh? Seriously...

6. I like to think of my life as a novel I'm reading sometimes. I look at the things I've done and the things I'm doing, and I wonder if it would make an interesting read. Most days, the answer is yes, actually. I think my life would be a pretty decent book. Other days, I feel like none of the days events could even be stretched into a short story. Some day's, that's okay... I think if I ever find that there are days on end that would bore me to read about, I'm going to sell everything and move to Mexico. No, really.

You've had a busy day today.

I forgot to mention earlier that I saw oodles of people on campus today, all in the span of 10 minutes. First I saw Melissa Green from high school, then April who also used work at Kid Safari, then Chelsea who still works at Kid Safari (and as a sidenote her fiance who used to work there, but I didn't really know him that well), then Brian our next door neighbor, then Terri, my soulmate. What's going on here? I never see ANY of these people. Anyway, it was nice; seeing Terri was especially wonderful.

We're about to make the trek to Birmingham, then tomorrow I head to Nashville... ugh... but yay for the Libertine! And YAY for seeing people in Birmingham!

I absolutely must go to the doctor soon and find out why I'm so tired all the time. It's been suggest that I need to take vitamins, that I have an iron deficiency or perhaps that illusive disease that Lindsey has that apparently runs in our family, or, most recently, a thyroid problem. Anyway... I should really get on that. I'll probably keep putting it off, though... pressure me... please? :-p

I am a golden god!

I watched Almost Famous last night. I'd seen it before, but it was several years ago. I actually didn't intend to stay up and watch it; I dunno why I bother trying to get plenty of sleep, though. I'm tired regardless. Anyway, before that Christian came over and I watched her create and detroy her sim... several times... it was amusing.

I did stay up because it was so great... that kid... he might even beat Daniel Radcliff in the Illegal Sexcapades list I keep that you don't know about. No, he DOES win. But that's not why I liked the movie... it's just a really good movie. In other news, I'm going to jack my dad's record player and start listening to records now. No, seriously. I think that would be fun. I can't wait.

I am different from all the men I have seen. If I am not better, at least I am different.

So says Jean Jacques Rousseau. I love it.

I think I'm changing majors again. English. Thought about it after talking to Lindsey, although my reasons are a little different than what she discussed. I really just wanna be out of school, and I should be able to finish up an English degree with less hassle. Also in my intro. to Social Work class we've been talking about adoption and foster care and things of that nature. I want to be a foster parent, and I know I'm always going to be involved with various programs like Special Session and the like... I think I would rather help through that than through the government... not that I dislike the g'ment or anything... but I think I'd be better at just giving where I can.

Anyway, I don't know how I'm going to make money if all my charity works are going to be donated time instead of paid profession, and there's really not any job specifically for English majors... eh... I'll go back to school eventually. I'll probably end up being a teacher. The more I find myself trying to vere away from that path, the more it appeals to me. That'll change as soon as I start working towards it, though, I'm sure.

Oh, me.

Just the claps... just the claps...

Soooo tired...

I waste way to much gas driving to my parents house to check emails that aren't there. Does this mean I need internet at home? Maybe. Mostly it just means I need to chill, yo. Thanks for the comments, by the by... you all made me very happy. :-D I do love this whole internet thing... it's kinda cool... I guess it might just stay around, although my guess it won't be so popular come 2008. Kidding, of course. Seriously... I'm so glad I have some sort of medium to keep in touch with all you fine folks.

Christian's coming over to watch a movie tonight. Huzzah! Then tomorrow night Jessica and I are going to Birmingham to watch The Libertine. Anyone wanna come? Noel? Should be exhausting fun! :-D

So when I said I was gonna update more, I guess I meant I would just update a whole bunch today. Just kidding. I will update more, I will, I will! I do believe in fairies, I do, I do! I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!

She dreams she's dancing...

I didn't realize how much I missed tears until several weeks ago. I used to cry at sad people and happy movies and hopeful songs. Then I stopped. Not intentionally... I just wasn't touched. Even when I wanted to cry, I didn't. Anyway, something I guess clicked, and the drought is over, thankfully. I know this doesn't make much sense, but that's okay... I've been meaning to write this down for a while, so this isn't some new revelation or anything.

I'm going to start blogging more... I have so much I want to say and remember, but I keep putting it off. I don't like looking back and seeing empty pages on the calender.

Gulity pleasure? Honkytonk Badonkadonk. I don't even know how to spell that.

I love the Homestarrunner. He is an okay guy.

Hi, my name is Bruce Dickinson. Yes, THE Bruce Dickinson.

I'm going through all my myspace friends... exciting? Eh... time to comment like a bandit!

What I really want to do is listen to people's profile songs... I'm going to make a list of the ones here that I like so I can download them soon... or get someone to download them for me, rather. :-/

Also changed my top 8... all people I've never met. Exciting much? Of course.

In other news, you livejournal suckahs never comment except Karen mostly. I guess just my friends on myspace love me. Are you going to take that, LJers? Oh man... I need a life.

Music!

Tilly and the Wall
Robert Earl Keen (actually been meaning to him anyway, since Auburn with Jen)
Michael Warren

I'm tired of myspace... I have to many friends on there... I actually know almost all of them, too... and some I'm going to meet soon... anyway, I'll look for more music potential later.

I'm watching the Cowbell Skit right now."Listen, guys, I put my on just like the rest of you, one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records."

I'm at the library. I returned The Catcher in the Rye and I'm bringing home The Swiss Family Robinson and The Box Children. Yay!

Can you take me where you're going...

...if you're never coming back?

I took a picture that I don't like to look at.

I have a suggestion for all of you: Next time you get the chance, pick up a baby and spin around until you're both dizzy. Then put him down, hold his hands, and enjoy the ensuing bouts of unfettered and innocent laughter.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel just before they go out on that last big job that ends up getting them all killed.

That is to say, optimistic.