Mister with his hands on you got his hands on some damn body.

Sooo, I really like Lucille Clifton, who we studied recently in African American Women's Literature; I also love Maya Angelou, who we studied today, but I knew that already.

Class is almost over! I have two ten page papers, two finals, and a group project due next week! Yay! I, for one, am elated.

Am I the only person who isn't angry about the warm weather? Yes, I'm ready for the cold weather, BUT, I know that soon enough I'll be wishing for warm weather again... besides, it hasn't been hot or cold; it's been perfect. In closing, quit bitching, or I will cut you.

Yesterday morning I finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower again. Man, what a good book! I hadn't forgotten that I liked it, but I had forgotten why I liked it. Towards the end of the book Charlie and his friends play Secret Santa, which I had actually been thinking about anyway; that evening, Lance called me and asked if I wanted to be in on a game! How exciting is that? Very, thank you very much.

Work tomorrow here at the Tomlinson's. DInner with Jeff, perhaps. School Friday. Project work Friday. Get my new car key Friday? Work Saturday.

Life, man.

What a trip.

Homage to My Hips

these hips are big hips.

they need space to

move around in.

they don't fit into little

petty places. these hips

are free hips.

they don't like to be held back.

these hips have never been enslaved,

they go where they want to go

they do what they want to do.

these hips are mighty hips.

these hips are magic hips.

i have known them

to put a spell on a man and

spin him like a top!


~Lucille Clifton

And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.

And so passes another wonderful Thanksgiving. I had a lot of fun with my cousins; they've grown up so much. It's kinda strange being the older influential cousin... Anyway, dinner at my grandmother's, joined by her sisters and family. It was wonderful.

Earlier that week I dined at Olive Garden in celebration of Jessica's birthday with her, Meaghan, Jeff, O'Brian, and Erica; it was wonderful (except they ran out of olive oil... how does Olive Garden run out of Olive Oil?). Afterwards we headed to my place, sans Erica, to hang out for a bit and place some card games and what not; we were joined by Chris and (briefly) Jonathan. I love my friends. We should have birthdays more often.

To follow in this non-sequential path, let me tell you about yesterday: 'twas wonderful. Impromptu plans to visit the Quest were successful. Chris and I drove to Cullman, where we picked up Jeff, then we went to Tyler's to see him and Lance and Britni and Britney. Later we went to the club, and it was a lot of fun. My thighs hurt like crazy; clubbing counts as a trip to the gym. I'm pretty stoked that I was there with the four hottest guys in the whole place. We watched the sunset this morning and left at 8; Jeff and I hung out at his house for a bit and I got to meet his lovely parents before we headed home (we also lunched at Taco Bell). Before napping, I watched Invisible Children again today with Lindsey and the parents. I can't wait for you all to see it. Now, my sleep pattern is totally screwed.

Oh, I still haven't found my keys. I guess I get to shell out 50 bucks to get a new one made for the car. I'm sure they'll turn up the day after that happens. Oh, well... I guess I'll have an extra key, at least (though we have an extra somewhere anyway... just no one can find it). I'm pretty bummed now that I realize I may not find this set of keys ever, as they may have been taken out with the garbage or something. I don't get attached to things very easily, but I did have the key to my first apartment on there, and I wanted to keep that for a while.

In general, life is pretty good. I'm not so good. I mean, I am, I'm happy, mostly, but I'm spiraling right back into the slump I hit last semester. When I'm not feeling totally indifferent to school, I feel stressed and incompetant. I feel like I'm not using the talents with which I've been blessed. I wish I was doing better in school. I wish stress didn't build up like it does, and I wish I would stop repressing things whenever other people are around.

In general, life is pretty good.

You and me both, kid.

How do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground when you know that you were born to fly?

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

I'm buying this bracelet. I'm also bringing the Invisible Children documentary to Birmingham tomorrow. This is big. I want to be a part of it. I know I'll go through phases, and maybe I won't care as much next month, but I will care even more the month after that. This one isn't going to go away. I can't wait to share this with you.

An excert from one Ms. Sonia Sanchez.

i say come, wrap your feet around justice

i say come, wrap your tongues around truth

i say come, wrap your hands with deeds and prayer

you brown ones

you yellow ones

you black ones

you gay ones

you white ones

you lesbian ones



Comecomecomecomecome to this battlefield

called life, called life, called life....

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...

I'm trying to ward off the onslaught of Christmas music, but it's becoming more difficult. I love Christmas music. I do. It makes me happy. I listen to it alllll the time. But I have a strict "Christmas is after Thanksgiving" policy. The better part of November should NOT be about Christmas. Gosh.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I took the boys to Northside, where we saw my dad (always a plus) and looked at the school. After that we went to the Muscle Shoals Fire Department, where we got a grand tour of the fire station. Following that we headed to McDonalds, so we could get out some excess energy on the playground; Mom met us there (always a plus ;). Once I left their house, I met with Jeff and we headed to the gym, and I felt super duper afterwards. I went straight from the gym to Kid Safari, where I subbed for a couple hours, and that was really fun; I had the 3's and once my numbers were down, all the kids started playing with babies and it was sooooo friggin cute. Then I taking care of the baby dolls so the "parents" could go to "work." So I ran a day care within a day care. Teehee. I left Kid Safari to meet Kacy at the movies; we saw The Return, which was pretty good, though not what I'd expected. Also, I got to hang out with Kacy, so it was very fun. :) I left the movies to hit up Wal*mart.

Let me tell on myself here for a second. I have no clean clothes in the apartment. None. So my main purpose at Wal*mart was to buy something to wear today. Is that pitiful or what? I'm really excited about my new clothes, though...

Anyway, I also got some groceries and several boxes of cookies, which I took to Best Buy. There was a gaggle of guys there who had been waiting two nights for the new playstation, so I dunno... it was so cold and they'd been there two nights... Anyway, I brought them cookies. After that I headed home, where Jessica showed up on my doorstep, and we chatted and ate pomegranate and had a jolly good evening before she headed home and I headed to bed.

This morning I got up comparatively early and breakfasted with Jeff; we were supposed to work out but we didn't, and so we'll do that this afternoon. Now I'm here in the library talking to you, Reader.

Five for Fighting: amazing, or what? Unless the "what" is > "amazing," I don't wanna hear it. I love him.

Sic et Non

Today in History of Philosophy, we were studying universalism, and I think I'm in love. I'll be honest, I wasn't really paying much attention during class, as I was stealthily reading Running with Sissors, which was recommened by Jessica, and which is pretty much exactly what all the critics called it thusfar (wonderful and sickening).

Anyway. Universalism. This philosopher (whose name I have already forgotten) suggested that we are all one; we are all made of the same stuff (and it's God-like), and therefore we all have one soul. If we all have one soul, we must all retire to the same place. It does quite negate the idea of Heaven and Hell, but it does assume that we are all going to one place or the other. How wonderful is that?

I think it gives real depth to the phrase "brotherhood of man."

Today for you, tomorrow for me.

Friday after class I headed to Birmingham; the drive down was less than pleasant because of traffic and construction, but I arrived safely, so I suppose the drive wasn't to bad after all. As soon as I got there I met Tyler, Lance, Britni, Mark, Jennifer, and Melissa, and we were off to see Rent! It was amazing, as was expected, and it affected me more than I thought it would. I first started leaking during "Will I Loose My Dignity." For those of you un-interested in Rent (so you probably stopped reading this as soon as you saw the word mentioned), this song takes place during a life support meeting for the AIDS carriers. I kept thinking about Camp Kaliedescope, and my kids there. For those who don't know, that's the camp I do at McDowell for children with or affected by AIDS. A lot of our campers don't actually have the virus, but someone close to them does. I mostly thought of the mothers who come to camp with the kids, and what it must be like to slowly loose the ability to take care of your children, and what it's like to accept your future absence from their lives. So I cried. I cried again at the reprise of "I'll Cover You." I knew it was coming and I knew it was a sad part, but this wasn't a gradual tearing up... this was BAM, water everywhere! It was beautiful. Umm, also, Lance scared me shitless by leaning in from the row behind me to whisper in my ear; I was intent on the stage and jumped like 2308 feet in the air; I had the complete fight or flight response-- it's very difficult to sit through the end of a play when your adrenaline is rushing so.

The play left me feeling pretty worthless, honestly. I have so much; I am financially secure and I know I've got enough experience to keep me hirable, at least in day cares; I've got a family I love and a family who loves me; I've got friends upon friends; I can read. And there are so many with so little, and there are people dying, not growing old and dying, but just dying. I'm not saying I want to sell everything I own and start working in the slums; I am saying that I am going to make a greater effort to be an active part of the changing world. As it stands now, I do a camp for the mentally disabled and one for AIDS kids, and I do Big Brothers Big Sisters; two of those events, however important they are, are about two weeks of intensive service, but nothing the rest of the year. BBBS doesn't take up that much time, and there are plenty of organizations that I could actually get my little sister involved in with me.

Back to my Birmingham update... we got back to campus, where we parted ways with Britni and Mark and Melissa, and we met with Jennifer and Jessica (not my Jessica). We played a mixed up version of Circle of Death (or was it Ring of Fire?), which was ended early so we could play Drunk Driver... man, that was fun. Jennifer and I collaborated to make the game longer, much to the dismay of Thomas, who was the drunk driver. Poor guy. And poor Lance, who had to take care of Puking Thomas and Puking Tyler. I'm going to have to say that passing up the trip to Wendy's was a good call on my part. (Jessica was sober and drove them). I heard great stories about it all this morning.

I also lunched with Karen, which was wondeful, as one would assume. We also talked for a very long time about very random subjects. She might be making friends with Anthony, the special ed. cafeteria worker, and that makes me VERY happy. I wish all of you would make a point to just say hello to him whenever you see him. Just introduce yourself once, then give him a wave every now and again. You will make his life better, I promise.

I hope Rosario and Stephen are home soon... I'm ready to go hang out with my beautiful Meagan.

Love, and do what you will.

Go read the title of this blog again. Now think about it. Now smile. It's a beautiful thing.

So today has been GOOD. I thought today was going to be BAD, but today was not just good, it was GOOD.

I wish I could have taken a picture of the leaves cascading past the window during Literature this morning. It was beautiful. They were one hundred percent autumn and they were continuous. A million leaves fell down, all of them spinning and falling and reflecting. And the sound! It was the beautiful dry shuttery sound a rain stick makes. It was amazing.

And you loved things just because, like the sick and the dying.

This is a postsecret that was sent it... the post mark was Korea. I really like this... it's so simple. Also, this week's asofterworld was quite the tear jerker. Last night was great. My living room is finally looking like a living room. My bedroom is a disaster. New friends are a plus. Lance, Thomas, and Karen make me super amuse and super happy. I'm going to see Rent Friday. I love love love.

You crazy fool, I won't give into you.

I want to do a whole post on smiling soon, but I tried to do that just now, and it's not the right time. I do want to talk about one particular smile, though; one of my favorites. It's the shy mischievous smile of strangers. It's the smile you share at parties from across the room. It's the smile you give when someone has caught you doing something particularly and innocently sexy, and it's the smile that lets you know the other person noticed. It's the smile for when eyes meet in the grocery store, or passing on the sidewalk, or behind the teacher's back. It's the smile of pure physical wonderment. The smile that means everything but implies nothing. The smile that could lead anywhere or nowhere, and the smile that reminds us that any destination will be okay.

As for me, I'm coming to the final chapter; I read all of the pages and there's still no answer.

I am boooorred. And I hate being bored, because I always feel that it is some failure on my part. And to an extent, it is. I have options, of course. Granted, they are more limited than usual tonight. I'm at the Tomlinson's, and the boys are asleep; I'll be here until tomorrow evening. Tomorrow Jeff and I are taking them to lunch, and I am waaaaay more excited about that than I should be. It's like playing house!

I really want some babies.

Meagan dyed my hair last night, and I dyed hers. Mine is brown again, though a bit darker than natural (not intentional). Her's is a beautiful streaky red, and I must say, I'm a big fan.

I can't get on AIM, but I'm yahoo. Grace_Jacot. Message me. Someone. Anyone. I'm craving personal contact.

Argh!

Now this is the story all about how...

Friday was the official "Log-in," and what a time we had. There is something so nice about being in the comfort of long and solid friends. It's knowing something intimate and special about them: knowing part of their history. That's something you don't have with everyone. That's special.

We did fondu s'mores and drank Yager bombs and played Captain Dickhead and watched Office Space and played five degrees and the next morning, Teej and O'Bizzle and I went to Waffle House, though Jessica and Meaghan couldn't come out to play because of work.

Yesterday I saw The Prestige with Graham, and it was amazing. I'm gonna be honest: I had no idea what the movie was going to be about. Not the foggiest. I didn't know the plot or the actors, I haven't seen a single preview, and, even though I've actually had several conversations with many of you about the movie, I didn't actually know what I was talking about, and all I learned from you all was that you reccomended it. Anyway, good flick. :) Then we went to see Talledega Nights at the $2.00 theatre. What's that you say? Two? Yes, two... at least on weekends. I'm sure you can imagine the long and not actually all that bitter rant that should be here, so I'll spare you. Anyway, it was stupid and hilarious. Now off to Chaucer!

Once you knew a girl, and you named her lover...

Oh, Bright Eyes.

Why have I waited so long to post? I need these memories down while they are fresh!

Harris and William were Rocky and Bullwinkle for Halloween, and they were soooo cute. I mean, crazy adorable. Rosario did a great job.

I dressed up as a senorita, olé! It was great fun... I wore the costume first to the lovely Ms. Jennifer's house, where Jessica and I met up with her and other Jennifer and Lance and Tyler and Britni and Mark, and it was AMAZING. I met several new people, including a fireman. The costumes were fantastic, and we got some great pictures. If only Lance will get them online... gah...

Saturday morning I went out to get some Jack's for some of the guys, then later everyone went home; I donned the costume again that afternoon and took Harris to the Renaissance Faire, and my, but that was fun. He's so adorable. We got lots of compliments. :)

Tuesday an impromptu invitation by one Mr. Jeff left me with plans to attend another Halloween party (Jessica came, too), and THAT was fun. Before the party we went to the mall for a bit and saw William and Harris and their folks. The party was terrific, and I met a lot of really great people, and one very pretty lady, and just had an overall ball. Andrina and Brandon, the hosts, went all out, and the apartment was completely decked out. It was great.

Umm, other news... the apartment is coming along well... I'll be posting a list in the upcoming weeks of stuff I'm throwing out/selling/donating, so you can rescue/buy/take it if you want... maybe I'll be especially ambitious and post pictures of said items, but maybe not. Let's see... oh, Logapalooza tonight! Except... it's supposed to get to freezing tonight, kids, so I don't think that's gonna happen. I'm not sure what we're going to do. I'm not going to push my parents to let us sleep at their house on such short notice, and I just don't see us being able to stay out in this weather... yes, it's always freaking cold, but freezing? I don't know about all that, now. Umm... love my classes. I love when they overlap, and they do so often. Oh, and you. I love you.

I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!

Animal crackers and cocoa to drink.
That is the finest of suppers, I think.
When I am grown and can have what I please,
I think I shall always insist upon these.