Call the police and call the press, but please, dear God, don't tell my friends...

In Literary Criticism, we recently read some Dante, and he mentioned a greeting used by scholars of the time:

I wish you a tragic beginning and a comic ending.

A tragedy is a work with a wonderful beginning and a sorrowful conclusion. A comedy is a work with a disaterous beginning and a happy conclusion. And so this strange greeting works. And this is what I wish you for, Reader.