I'm perfectly wrought. Given the circumstances, I'm even a little underwrought!

Well, well, the semester is almost over, and I think I might have done okay this semester. I think.

I hate big projects, and I despise deadlines.

I love my friends, and my family, and Harris and William.

Sunday night Chris hosted a mini Will and Grace marathon, and we had fondu again, and it was pretty great; better than last time, I think. Yay for having experience! Jessica was in town, and other guests included Jonathan, Catlin, Luke, and Adam, not to mention Chris and Jeff. All in all, it was a fun night.

I've been meeting lots of lovely people recently; today I met Cody, a friend of Jonathan's (and Justin's, I was told) and West (who I actually saw yesterday at Brewsters, and I met him there today). Speaking of... I went to Brewsters today and yesterday! Today with the boys mentioned above, and yesterday with my little sister Jessica. Jessica and I also went to Diebert to walk for a bit, and we saw about 10 turtles. All in all, pretty great.

Tonight I'm headed to Tuscaloosa, and I will leave from there with the UA caravan (and my beloved Lindsey!) to Atlanta for the Invisible Children event Displace Me. I'm very very excited to be a part of something so fantastic! Speaking of fantastic, and randomly jumping backwards, Saturday found me in the presence of Lauren, Chris, and Kelly as they made a spontaneous trip to Florence! Sadly, I got off work much later than anticipated, so they were forced to wander the streets of downtown without a guide for a bit, but from what I understand they had a good time, and they made me flower jewelry in the process, so everybody wins! The next day we went to Diebert to picnic and flight some exciting kites (GI Joe and Madam Butterfly); we were joined by O'Brian and Jeff. It was beautiful.

I'm still stressed about school, but things are finally winding down. I don't know when I'll find time to do all the things I must do, but I will find the time, because that's what you do, isn't it? You make things work.

Be loud, let your colors show!

...try to keep the madness low...

This is the kind of comedy where no one's laughing, 'cause it's hard to.

Did I ever tell you about the time Shareese, O'Brian, and I explored a terribly old graveyard in Birmingham? If I forgot to mention it before, let me say this: it was beautiful and spontaneous and novel-worthy.

And have I mentioned, lately, that I have the loveliest friends? I'm sure I've said so before, but I wanted to remind you.

Last night Graham, Jonathan, Jeff, and I (and Chris joined us later) ate at Legends, over on Seminary Street), and I must say, it was quite nice. I really enjoyed it. Walking out the door we saw Catlin and Chase and their cohorts, and later we ran into Grace Alverson and I met several new people (Adam (who works at Subway and is just about the prettiest thing I ever did see), Breeanna (who didn't talk much), and Aaron (who I would love to put in a snow globe and carry around to show off to my friends- he's just that cute)). We walked to the corner, and I felt like a pimp (and why shouldn't I, with such pretty young men around me?). It was crowded and exciting and I love Florence. I really do.

Later Jeff and I watched Cursed, which we both thought was a new one for us, but it turned out that the movie was familiar to both of us. Anyway, it was pretty good for a cheesy horrorish flick. The other not we watched Hellbent, by the by, and it was surprisingly good. This morning we made steak and eggs with sauteed green peppers and onions, and I must say, it was fantastic. Then we watched Underworld, then Jeff went to work and I went to have my car washed by Chris and his Old Navy Crew, who were raising money for muscular dystrophy, then I grabbed some Subway and went to eat with Jeff, then I visited with my momma for a bit, then I picked up the boys, then we went to Spring Park, where Jetson met us for a bit, then we came here, then then became now, and now the boys are asleep and I'm updating you, dear Journal!

Anyone wanna play tonight? [Hint: The Answer is Me]

Really, I'm tired tired, but I just feel so embraced right now. I mean, things are really stressful, what with school and whatnot, and leaving and all the stuff going on, but then I look at how many good good people are all around me, and things are okay, ya know?

Anyway, if I buy a 47 person bed, will you all join me in a big cuddle?

Suppose I never ever saw you? Suppose we never fell in love?

I've been meaning to post for a bit about personality profiles. I've taken the test before, and I am an ENFP- the Inspirer:

Enthusiastic, idealistic, and creative. Able to do almost anything that interests them. Great people skills. Need to live life in accordance with their inner values. Excited by new ideas, but bored with details. Open-minded and flexible, with a broad range of interests and abilities.

Now, I may be way off with these, but I've tried to guess most of your personality types based on the descriptions. Lance helped me with some, and I've already talked to a couple of you about them... anyway, if you get the chance, take the test and let me know if I was close (or just read the descriptions)! Also, it'd be neat even if I'm just close ... like, Lindsey and I guessed Graham to be an ESFJ, and he took the test and he's an ISFJ... we were close... just pegged him as more extraverted... interesting. Some of you I know a lot better than others, and I'm more confident in my guesses for you; not so much on some others, but I tried to peg you anway. Some of you I don't know well enough to really guess, but I'm still interested... If I'm wrong about the ones I tried, I'll edit this so that it's accurate... just let me know!

Dad and Jeff are ENTP - the Visionary:
Creative, resourceful, and intellectually quick. Good at a broad range of things. Enjoy debating issues, and may be into "one-up-manship". They get very excited about new ideas and projects, but may neglect the more routine aspects of life. Generally outspoken and assertive. They enjoy people and are stimulating company. Excellent ability to understand concepts and apply logic to find solutions.

Mom, Meaghan, and Britni are ISTJ - the Duty-Fulfiller:
Serious and quiet, interested in security and peaceful living. Extremely thorough, responsible, and dependable. Well-developed powers of concentration. Usually interested in supporting and promoting traditions and establishments. Well-organized and hard working, they work steadily towards identified goals. They can usually accomplish any task once they have set their mind to it.

Jennifer is an ESTJ- the Guardian:
Practical, traditional, and organized. Likely to be athletic. Not interested in theory or abstraction unless they see the practical application. Have clear visions of the way things should be. Loyal and hard-working. Like to be in charge. Exceptionally capable in organizing and running activities. "Good citizens" who value security and peaceful living.

Lindsey INFJ - the Protector
Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.

Graham and O'Brian are ISFJ - the Nurturer
Quiet, kind, and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other's feelings. Interested in serving others.

Meagan and Mark are ESFP - the Performer
People-oriented and fun-loving, they make things more fun for others by their enjoyment. Living for the moment, they love new experiences. They dislike theory and impersonal analysis. Interested in serving others. Likely to be the center of attention in social situations. Well-developed common sense and practical ability.

Tyler and Jessica are ESTP - the Doer
Friendly, adaptable, action-oriented. "Doers" who are focused on immediate results. Living in the here-and-now, they're risk-takers who live fast-paced lifestyles. Impatient with long explanations. Extremely loyal to their peers, but not usually respectful of laws and rules if they get in the way of getting things done. Great people skills.

Lance is an INFP - the Idealist
Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Thomas and Karen are INTJ - the Scientist
Independent, original, analytical, and determined. Have an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action. Highly value knowledge, competence, and structure. Driven to derive meaning from their visions. Long-range thinkers. Have very high standards for their performance, and the performance of others. Natural leaders, but will follow if they trust existing leaders.

Shareese and Jess are ENFJ - the Giver
Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle, and dislike impersonal analysis. Very effective at managing people issues, and leading group discussions. Interested in serving others, and probably place the needs of others over their own needs.

T.J. is an ISFP - the Artist
Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind. Do not like conflict, and not likely to do things which may generate conflict. Loyal and faithful. Extremely well-developed senses, and aesthetic appreciation for beauty. Not interested in leading or controlling others. Flexible and open-minded. Likely to be original and creative. Enjoy the present moment.

Jonathan is an ESFJ - the Caregiver
Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.

But I... I'll kiss your head...

Well well, I had a bitchy and morose blog all planned out, but alas, a few simple words of praise from a rather intimdating teacher, and I'm much too happy to really sink in my teeth and do that sad blog justice.

As it is, I'm going to tell you some of the goings on inside me, but from views of contemplation as opposed to depression.

I keep bouncing from cloud to cloud, some thunderous and scary and others light and lovely and each one more intense than the last. I feel like I'm not doing what I need to do to make people happy, and I'm not sure if I don't know how to fix things or I'm just not willing to know how to fix things, and either one is rather diappointing. I'm digging into several relationships right now, some new and others not new, but not yet fully explored, I think, and I want to know these best friends better. In doing that, though, I believe I'm pushing people out. It's not a tossed out the back door kind of push, but a slow pressure, like when you're slowly shoved to the back of a crowd in a concert and you're not sure how you ended up so far from the stage. I think I'm being pushed a little my self, actually, and I'm not sure why.

I'm scared about everything right now. I'm worried about this summer, I'm worried about next semester, I'm worried about graduating, I'm worried about my friends graduating, I'm worried about... lots. I'm terrified to leave William and Harris, but I do know it's the right thing to do for me now, and there's some (though not much) comfort in that. I'm incredibly anxious about working at Camp this summer, but I'm also feeling rather selfish, and I'm not sure that I'm ready to open my heart to anyone else when I can't even hang on to the people I've got.

I'm also elated about this summer, of course, and excited about next semester and graduation. Don't you even for a second think that I am not a happy girl, Reader, because I am I am I am. I have so much! And I don't mean I have so much like "I counted my blessings and I realize I have more than I deserve" (which is true, but I did not employ list making in this evaluation). Not a day goes past that I don't have a moment or two (or three or four, some days) where I feel like my heart will finally give a loud burp of contentment and give out, having exhausted itself with all the loving and being loved. I'm even in a good mood now, but I need these things out of me lest they continue to fester. Fester. What an ugly word.

Le sigh.

There's a lot to tell you about since my last entry, but I need to go cash a check and then head to the gym for a bit. I will tell you that Lynn Butler told me after class today that I was one of her stars, that I had really shown this semester and impressed her. She said I had a wonderful grasp of language and an good eye for observation. I beamed. I still smile to think about it. I'll have a portolio soon. How exciting is that?

But right now, everything is turning blue.

And right now, the sun is trying to kill the moon.

I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky!

So much so much so much! It's one of those days, folks... my heart may very well explode if I don't take the proper precautions.

I need an hour to babble about the goings on of the couple weeks. Alas, I don't have an hour. I have 40 minutes, and several of those will be spent walking to class, and another 10 will be needed to review the reading for Lit. Crit.

I just publicized an entry I started before we left (a couple Saturdays ago), so feel free to scroll down and give it a read (and a comment, if you feel the spirit move you to do so). I'm going to make a quick list of high points of things I keep meaning to tell you and haven't had the chance to talk about... perhaps later I will elaborate, but for now I need this out of my buzzing system:

~ Jeff and I saw a deer at Wildwood last week
~ we got to Fort Walton at 7:30ish Sunday morning
~ we were both surprised by the reflection of the truck in a store window
~ Jessica made us a wonderful breakfast
~ bridal Expo (fun dresses, a gay boy, and I'm Too Sexy)
~ Panama City with the foreign kids
~ drinking on the beach under the bridge (kites, burying Jessica, shotgunning beer)
~ Team America, Closer, Nine Dead Gay Guys, Office Space
~ sunrise
~ arriving in Cullman at 2ish Thursday morning (using a map, not mapquest, and with only one short detour!)
~ 300 again with Jeff's parents
~ lunch in Birmingham with Lance, Britni, Tyler, Britney, Ricky, Josh, Justin, David, Jess
~ coffee with Catlin and Meagan (and Rasberry Beret)
~ coffee with Jeff, Eric, Catlin, O'Brian (after dinner at CiCi's)
~ coffee with Graham and Jeff and Mom
~ spent yesterday with Shareese (watched Shortbus) after eating with her and Meaghan at Outback (O'Brian working)
~ dinner at the house
~ sitting in the floor of the men's clothing department at Wal*mart for over half an hour at 11ish last night talking to Lindsey

I have the best friends and family in the world.

Spring Break was amazing. My life is amazing. YOU, reader, are amazing.

To the left, to the left...

What the hell is up with this song? I love it. I don't love the new Shakira and Beyonce song. Or the video. You'd think with two people as sexy and talented as Beyonce and Shakira, they could come up with something better.

Harris and William now know several words to Regina Spektor's Fidelity, and Harris actually sings to a couple parts of it now without my encouraging. It just may be the cutest thing he's ever done, and Harris is one adorable little boy. He and William had their birthday party today; things went swimmingly. All the kids there were well-behaved and adorable, and Lacey came with Asa which made the party a lot more fun for me- I'm really glad you two came, and I love you more every time I see you!

Afterwards we (me and the boys) played in the park, and they were both in really good spirits, and we had a great time. We left around 6:30 and went to Jeff's apartment for half an hour to pick up some laundry (but really to make him feel loved), then grabbed some dirty clothes from my place and came back here. They ate a small supper with no fuss and then went to bed easy-peasy at 8. I've been washing clothes here, and I just hope that I get this next load out before Rosario and Stephen get home; they said they'd be here around 10, so that's what I'm counting on. Keep your fingers crossed!

This morning Jeff and I cleaned my car! It's amazing! It actually wasn't as disasterous as I had feared (Jeff, you may not believe that, but it's true.) We even vacuumed her out and ran her through the wash. Then I headed to Sheffield and Dad offered to let us take the truck, which is very exciting (I was really worried about my engine making it to the beach).

Oh, yes- the beach. That's right folks, I'm headed that way! Jeff and I are leaving tonight, I think. We actually have several options. We can sleep a few hours then leave at threeish (I'm in favor of this, while Jeff is completley opposed), drive all the way through when I get off work in half an hour, drive to Cullman and sleep some, then drive the rest (Jeff seems to like this option, while it is my least favorite), or (and this is a recently discovered avenue) we could stop in Birmingham to sleep and then travel the rest of the way. Decisions, decisions!

I'ma have to buy a new bathing suit once we get there. And some new clothes. I'm excited about that. Outlet malls! Hurray! I just remember that those would be there! I'm a little more excited about shopping now than I was.

Above all else, I'm ready to see Jessica and the ocean (in that order... I guess... ;)
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An update! I totally didn't finish this entry, because the Tomlinsons got home... here it is, now, in full technicolor! Or... you know, just a public entry now.