Can't you just see the sunshine? Can't you just feel the moonshine?

Self-analyzation time!

Two things.

One:

I've realized that I identify myself as a virgin a lot. It is something about me, yes, but I've never considered it a defining characteristic of my being. I have not taken any vow, I don't wear a promise ring, and while Jesus may have been the root of my abstinence, He certainly plays no part in my decision to wait now; I have no problems with others who choose to have pre-marital relations, and I have not resigned myself to waiting, either. However, I find that I consistently bring it up in conversations with new people. I don't necessarily go on a tirad or a tangent. It just comes out, not inappropriately, during the conversation at some point. Why? That is the question. The only answer I have thusfar is that perhaps I do value that particular characteristic subconsciously.

Two:

Now, this one is tricky, because I risk de-valuing my friendships by making this observation. That is not the case, though. It is possible for these ulterior motives to work together and not against my friendships. Anyway. I've also begun in the last month or two to identify myself with having a myriad of gay friends. My friend base hasn't actually shifted that greatly, but I've become more vocal about it, almost to the point of annoyance. What bothers me is not that. What bothers me is I think I may be developing an aversion to straight men. That sounds ridiculous. Let me explain. By only embracing or pursuing friendships with gay males or straight women, I am still able to be socially progressive without actually having to engage in any relationship that may develop further. It's like a safety net. Not only will these relationships not progress past intimate friendships, but there will be no one to blame for the "failed" romance; namely, I will not have to hold myself responsible for the lack of attraction, because it is due to a biological factor.

Does that make sense? And this doesn't negate the friendships I have, so please don't think that. I believe I would have pursued the friendships I have regardless... it's just that, perhaps, there are other relationships that I should have pursued as well, but I didn't.

There's always the chance, of course, that I'm simply being over-analytical.

Thoughts?