Some days I think life would be a whole lot more fun: If I was crying in the van with my friends, it was for freedom, from myself and from the land.

I drove to New York
In a van, with my friend
We slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
In my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

One more year? I think I can graduate in one more year... let's hope so. Social work... that's my new major. I don't know what I want to do, but it's as good a major as anything else. I will be good at it, but there are lots of things I would be good at, and lots of things I would enjoy, but none of the things I want here and now require a degree, and I miss the security of feeling that the future would take care of itself.

So after college... who wants to pitch in for the van? Anybody up for parking lots and public restrooms? Save your money, kids, sell your clothes... it's not too late, is it? I didn't ask to be born after the revolution. I know it's been done, and I know the pioneers had ideals much better than mine. But surely the arbitrary date of my birth hasn't left me completely unable to pursue the bohemian ideals I romanticize?

I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want two dogs and a cat and a white picket fence and maybe a mini-van. I want a steady job with good benefits and a stable retirement fund. But not yet...

Here in the real world, things are great... I got back from Anna Maria Island Wednesday evening; it was a wonderful wonderful wonderful vacation of the kind I will not likely enjoy again. Beautiful. Finally got to see Jessica and O'Brian... I missed them bunches. I brought them souvenirs. but I left them at the house; they'll be getting here tomorrow. Woohoo! I got lots of new clothing for less than lots of money, which is a plus. This morning I went to see Graham at his Honor's Day Program... guess who was part of the Mr. and Ms. DHS court? My brother, that's who! VERY exciting; I am so very proud of him for that and for the many other awards he received... he's on the lake now with Wil and Harris, and I hope he's having a killer time. The ceremony this morning made me pretty sad... I love college. I love it. I think what makes me wish for high school is the stability... not only did I have an amazing group of friend, I had consistency... the very thing I'm so scared of now!

I just realized that. Jeez.

But there's something to be said for not having a choice. I wouldn't live my life like that, but I sometimes miss that simplicity. You get up, maybe grab some breakfast, head to school, talk with friends, walk to class, wave in the halls, talk at lunch, finish the day, head to annual staff or drama or art club or whatever you had going on, go home, eat dinner with your family, maybe go see your younger sister play ball-- you don't care about the game, but you care about your sister, so you go, even though the two of you fight on the way home-- head to bed, wake up, do it again. Then weekends and holidays and summer camps, and everything is thrown out of wack, and that's good and that's wonderful and that's fun, but you know-- you dread it but you know, August is gonna roll around and back that school and back to those halls and back to those people.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

That's not true. I do, but I'm not going to bother typing it out. You didn't even read this, did you? You just skimmed for your name. I don't feel like proof-reading, so pardon me if I rambled...