Listen to the music of the moment; people dance and sing...

You know, I've got so so much to tell you, every live long day. I want to tell you what I think about the songs I'm listening to, the stories I'm reading, the people I meet.

I want to make a will, a living will that tells each of you just exactly how important you are to me, and why, and how we met. I remember how we met, you know.

I want to be infinite, to live in each of you, to be in your every thought and breath, to be godlike, omipotent, powerful and quiet.

What is my perfect crime?

I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say ‘no’. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. – This is where the story gets interesting. – I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadéro. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stash the chandelier.

It's been too long since somebody whispered...

Oh dear, I've certainly slacked. Now I have two weekends to record, and how will I ever do my memories justice if I constantly compress them? Despite the dropped details, I will do my best to recall the goings-on of my life, both for you, Reader, and for future me.

Laasssst weekend, we totally camped out in my parents backyard. We gathered our assorted friends around the campfire, despite the freezing temperatures and the all-to-close comforts of home. Jeff, Darren, O'Brian and I went to the lake to gather firewood, and while I was gone a surprise showed up at the house! When we got back home, Michael was chasing Landon around the yard and April was inside with baby Eli! It was so great to see the family; aside from facebook stalking the growing boys, I hadn't seen them in forever (and I had never met the baby). We played with bubbles and ran around the yard and whatnots, and Jessica came and my parents hung out and we made fire!

Meaghan came there at the end, right before the Clemmons left; shortly after that T.J. and Katie showed up. Mom made a big pot of chili and a batch of cookies and Meaghan brought apple strudel, which we ate in the kitchen before being chased back outside, where we did the campfire thing (and Jonathan came to play!) Eventually we made s'mores and at some point we took a walk around the Boulevard, singing and shivering the Elephant love medley, then launching a super-secret mission back to the campfire. Eventually we made our pallets and curled up, trying to conserve heat as the temperature dropped. I had scrounged around inside earlier for something entertaining, producing only a frisbee and a deck of sixth grade quiz cards (which we read for at least an hour).

In the early morning hours T.J. and Katie brought mugs of hot chocolate out to warm our numb fingers, and finally we all semi-dozed (me, T.J., Darren), kinda slept (Meaghan, O'Brian, Jessica), went home (Jonathan), stayed awake (Katie), or slept like baby in a cradle (Jeff). We dispersed in the morning, each to his or her bed, showered off the smoke and dirt, and voilà! A new day.

I've spent the morning listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter and other assorted classic country artists. Oh, Jeff and I have internet (obviously), as of yesterday. I think I will save my tales of this past weekend at Camp McDowell for another time. My fingers grow tired and I have class in an hour. Until then...

What are you good at? I said

& she said, Mainly life. I work best with stuff that has a high tolerance for mistakes.

Oh, in five years time I might not know you...

I spent last weekend in Tuscaloosa, and oh, what a weekend it was! I got there Friday evening and met Lindsey and some of her friends, then Graham and I went to shoot pool. We came back and sat around the hookah and played mafia and went to bed, snug as a bug, with Lindsey, Maks, and Botswana.

Saturday morning we waded through the homecoming crowds, visiting different booths of which Lindsey was a part before retiring to her home. Alex and I walked to Publix and he got me lunch at Quik Grill. It was a beautiful day, a walking day. That night Lindsey dressed like Pocahontas and I was Julian of Norwich/ Renaissance Lady. We got to see Graham's frat house (by the way, Graham is a pledge... not to worry, though. It's an academic fraternity, with female members and actual personalities) and meet some of his brothers/sisters. After that we met Boyd and his friend at one of the local pubs, and from there we headed to a crazy party by the railroad tracks. They charged five dollars a cup for cheap beer but had a cooler full of free shrimp and sausage and potatoes and corn. Weird. We retired again to the house for hookah and Pete and Pete. Whoa. Sunday I got to hang out with Ryan; we gathered picnic supplies and then spread our wares on the quad with Maks and Nicole and various other passers-by. Wow, but that was fun. Lindsey came by and I jogged by her bike back to the church to meet the youth group she and Graham lead together. I had dinner with Graham and Austin and various other characters, then did some geography and dilly-dallied a bit more before finally heading home.

On the back I almost hit a deer! I had just been talking to Jessica about that very worry, when I came upon one ambling across the highway. Luckily it had just crossed out of my lane (and hadn't leapt crazy-like). A car appeared immediately in the opposite direction, though. I flashed my lights a bunch; I hope they didn't hit her, either. I listened to the first cd of Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You) on the way home; on the way down I listened to the first of On the Road by Jack Kerouac and some of Radio Lab, a new show on NPR.

Monday after class and work, Jeff and I went to Birmingham, where we celebrated Darren's birthday! I left the party after a bit to meet Austin and Chris at Oasis where we got to see Michael Goldsmith (yes, THE Michael Goldsmith) play! It was so nice to see all of them. Early the next morning (6:30 early), Jeff and I headed to my voting station, where we waited an hour and some change for me to vote before going home once again-- stopping first at Jeff's station so he could cast his ballot. We made it back in time for class, but I decided to sleep instead. I'd been fighting a cold for the better part of a week, missing things here and there and remaing tired, so I took a day to sleep and drink orange juice and feel better; I still went to Women and Politics that night.

That night I romped around with Jonathan and Megan for a bit, watching the news and the end of some speeches. I will have more to say on the election later, I think. When I was ready to leave, I couldn't find my keys (I was pretty sure they were under Megan, who was asleep on the couch... and they were :-p) so I crashed on the other couch, enjoyed coffee with Megan in the morning, and went to Atkinson's class, where we ate muffins and cupcakes and chatted it up big time.

Today we watched Sling Blade in my Southern Lit. class. I've never seen it before, but I really like it so far. I've got a geography test to work on and I might make some ravioli tonight. Jessica will be in town Saturday, and we are tottttallllly camping out. It's supposed to be insanely cold... I think 33 is the low. The low has been in the forties until Saturday; this seems to be the trend with these Logouts. Jeeeez, that sucks, but mostly, I am so very excited about this weekend!

Here is another poem I wrote. Thoughts?

On my pillow is
your earring,
black and shiny and
plastic,
and I guess if this was
true love
it would be a pearl or
a diamond or
you would still be here.
But it's a plastic earring and
you are not here and
this
is not
true love.

Winter just wasn't my season.

Hey folks.

Here are some things that are good:

Megan and Jonathan and I went to the Bird Tower last weekend and got stranded in the middle of Nowhere, USA. Jonathan painted me with tribal tattoos and sat in the flowers and the music played and the battery died and we did not.

I found pictures from over a year ago, and though I've not shown them to you yet, I have printed some of them off and I've hung them on my wall and I have been refreshed by your presence, even though you are not here.

Tentative plans to move to Destin in February are becoming more solid every day. Scary as it is, Amanda and Jessica will likely be finding the apartment/house without me, but that is okay. Hey, this is going to be fun!

Step Show at UNA-- I wish I had gone before now. I enjoy this type of show very much, and I enjoy my friends very much: Nita, Tammy, O'Brian, Jeff, and newboy Drew. Tourway afterward, trading Megan for Nita and Tammy.

I hit a small cat on the way to the restaurant. This is not a good thing, no matter how I spin it. It makes the list because I need to get it out, because it made me cry, because my friends were so good to me.

Whoa, how about I go to Fall College Conference at Camp McDowell. I've never been before, but I think I would enjoy it. Lindsey says Camp in the fall is her favorite, and I generally like things that are Lindsey's Favorite.

When you have a free moment, I suggest you visit http://www.asofterworld.com/bloody/index.php. It is by the asofterworld people, so you know it's good.

And maybe just go visit asofterworld? Come on, you know you wanna...

This is Grace, over and out.

Love your wife, love your get, keep your word, and if need arises die for what men die for.

At a cave mouth my uncle showed me crinoid stems,
And in limestone skeletons of the fishy form of some creature.
"All once under water," he said, "no saying the millions
Of years." He walked off, the old man still with me. "Grampa,"
I said, "what do you do, things being like this?" "All you can,"
He said, looking off through the treetops, skyward. "Love
Your wife, love your get, keep your word, and
If need arises die for what men die for. There aren't
Many choices.
And remember that truth doesn't always live in the number of voices."

Life is ever changing but I will always have a constant and comfort in your love...

Hey, I just spent some time on stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Go. Enjoy. Report back to me (O'Brian, I'm talking to you ;).

I'm here at Megan's, chilling with her and Jonathan and Jonathan and Jeff (and Spencer, of course).

I worked tonight.

We're watching Little Monsters, which I did not watch when I was little.

Hey, campout. Saturday, November 8th. In my parents' backyard. Classic.

I'm kinda lonely right now.

Clever trick...

Hey. I just wanted you to know that while I was watching the Vice Presidential debate, my brother was watching the Goonies.

I'm not sure why this makes me so happy, but it does.

I think I will watch The Goonies this weekend.

Tell me, where is evil bred? In the heart or in the head?

Jeff has recently really gotten into A Softer World, which makes me very happy. It's kinda like when you read a book with someone.

Speaking of books... I finished Life of Pi and Twilight this week. Pi was good, although a bit bouncy. Twilight was good, too. I mean, it's a vampire romance for teens, so it's as cheesy as all get out, but overall I enjoyed it and will be starting the sequel this week. Also been reading for Chaucer, Southern Literature, and British Literature.

So... since last we spoke, I saw B.B. King in Huntsville with Mr. Joiner. Wow oh wow. I actually think this was the first concert I've been to this year, which is strange. It was easily one of the best. We were in the second row, semi-isolated (the two seats to our right and the two to our left were vacant, strangely enough), not ten feet from the man, the myth, the legend. Live music is just so... powerful. Watching a group of people who are so obviously glad to be doing what they're doing, who fit together like puzzle pieces, is an experience to remember. To be in a packed auditorium, to feel the giddyness and the awe radiating off people who have been listening to this man perform for over 50 years is to be gladly suffocated. He was so humble, and grateful, and beautiful. Watching it with T.J. made the experience all the more memorable, as he is one of my best friends and his excitement was contagious.

On Sunday I picked muskedines with one of my clients at her mother's house. It was so much fun, and it made me feel very real.

I have tentative plans to visit Jessica this weekend. Meagan's going to Pensecola Friday evening and my parents are going to Perdido. I've not been asked to work, soo... well, why not? I mean, I won't be able to spend any money there, but that's okay. Mom, Meagan, and I will come back Sunday evening, and Dad will be back a couple days later when his conference is over.

I watched the movie Volver the other night; it was pretty good. Pratik reccomended it. Umm... oh, the poetry slam was Friday. It was pretty good, if a little long. Afterwards Pratik and O'Brian came to the apartment and we watched some L Word and ate stirfry and fixed my hair. It was really nice to just sit. Megan Williams came to the slam, which was good. I've hung out with her more in the last couple weeks. I hung out with Jonathan a couple weekends ago, too, and finally got to see his new house and meet his roommate. I also hung out with Nick last week.

Oh, that's right! We had a picnic last Thursday! Well, kinda. I got one of my clients and we met Jeff and O'Brian and Nick at the park, and Megan came with Spencer, and then the park ranger kicked us out so we hung out at Megan's for a bit before going home. :)

Did you tell her you like her fingernails?

"Lemon, I'm impressed. You're beginning to think like a businessman."

"A business woman."

"I don't think that's a word."

Keep it up, little engine...

Well, here:

Now, I enjoyed this video very much. I enjoyed it because it supports the same candidate I support, of course, but I enjoyed it more the second time that I watched it for the words that were spoken, the words that were sung. I hope that our next president embraces this energy, this message. I hope.

Well, the wind and the trees are gaining up on me; they sing my funeral song in harmony...

You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.

A couple things:

1. The Office: Why is it so funny, and why isn't Jim my boyfriend? On that note, why isn't Jim a real guy? Jeez.

B. Politics! Jeeeesus, what is wrong with people? I watched some of both conventions. Did you know that McCain was a POW? I bet you didn't, but he was. He was a POW. In the war. The war for AMERICA.

III. I have made an observation recently, and I would like your opinions as to whether or not I am correct. It's gonna take a little backstory, but I would really appreciate some responses.

I've been thinking about Thanksgiving a lot recently, and how (in my family, at least) the men and women awake equally early: the men to go shoot targets and bond and what not, and the women to cook and set the table and prepare for dinner. After the meal, the men retire to the living room while the women clean up all the of the dishes they spent so much time making.

Of course, it's not as one-sided as all that- I'll be more than one of you gentlemen has been chased from the kitchen for offering to help. This led me on another train of thought, one that is not neccessarily holiday-related. It has to do with the way men and women typically think of work.

I think that men hold "work" and "not work" very separately. When men are at work--whether this be a job or a project they've undertaken-- they work and they work hard, liking few interuptions. When they are not at work, they do not want to do work of any sort. Think of the stereotypical man coming home, propping his feet up on the coffee table with a beer and the remote.

I don't believe women form so defined a line for "work" and "not work." When they are together, cleaning up after the family, this is also bonding time with their friends and relatives. Think women doing laundry as they watch television, read books as they nurse babies, listen to radio shows as they cook dinner.

Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you tend to pattern your thoughts this way? Do other people you know? I know sometimes it's a bit hard assign yourself to a stereotype (I know how much you guys hate that), especially if you've never really thought about it before. It's like if someone asks you whether you put your right or left shoe on first... I mean, who pays attention to that? Looking forward to some responses...

Hellllooooo, hydration.

"The pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue states-- red states for Republicans and blue states for Democrats-- but I've got news for them. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states. We coach Little League in the blue states, and yes, we've got some gay friends in the red states. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq, and their are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging our allegiance to the Stars and Stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."

That's a quote from our boy Obama several years ago. He's so easy to fall in love with. I watched the speeches given by him and Biden yesterday. I think the good cop/bad cop image they've got going on is interesting; also notable are the political analyst that immediately dissect every speech. I wonder what effects these men and women have on voters. We watch the speeches together, and then they tell us what tricks were used. They point out the repetition of "working class" and the pot shots at McCain, and they let us know in no uncertain terms what buttons were pressed to cause what reactions. Does that change the effectiveness of political speeches?

I'm not sure. I, for one, found myself still enthralled. I hope I'm not being duped.

Reader's Digest just had some interesting interviews with both candidates. I like Obama a lot, although I worry about being caught up in the charismatic tornado and not the issues. I like to read about their stances instead of watching them speak because I think it helps me focus. Even so, I find my views to be more aligned with Obama than McCain. I think his lack of experience is certainly something to consider, although part of me actually finds that to be a positive; I would like the country to be shaken up. I think the most damaging thing to McCain for me is his patriotism. I consider myself a patriotic person; I do not consider the USA the greatest country in the history of man. I think that's a ridiculous claim, and one that we casually throw around. Now, if we wanna shout that from the rooftops, maybe also don't be assholes all the time? Just a thought.

Hmm, it's apparent from the end of that paragraph that I've run out political mojo. Bill Engvall just came on the television; this may have had a negative effect on my ability to care about the presidential situation for the next half hour. Sometimes it's nice to laugh at silly silly things.

Remember that time when I only ate boxes of tangerines?

So, this one time we had a night off at Camp McDowell, and a lot of the staff were going to Birmingham, and some were going to Hanceville, and Lindsey was back from Africa and we were doing one or the other or both and then all of a sudden we weren't doing either, we were staying at camp and getting dinner at the Goldsmith's and drinking a glass of muskedine wine and talking about Uncle Wade and our family and our friends and our lives and going to bed.

And the next morning we woke up early and jumped off the bridge and Lindsey got a nose bleed and we got covered in mud trying to climb out of the creek. We trekked back to main camp and rinsed off and then swam in the pool, and at the end we really swam in the pool, and then we took showers and went to the thrift store and came back with matching blue shirts and brown and orange dresses and twenty-three cent vases.

And then we went to arts and crafts, painting and repainting our vases and not talking as much this time, and then we scrambled barefoot up to the car because the top was off and the rain was coming, and we made it, only just. Barefoot back down, and then we were soaking wet and not complaining, and then we made a candle out of a candle, and slowly the staff came wandering home and the bell rang, and the meeting began. The meeting was good, and dinner was good, and arts and crafts was still there, but this time it wasn't quiet, but it wasn't loud. And there was painting and dancing and singing, soft singing and loud singing, and the whole placed smelled of strawberry-kiwi bubbles and rooibos tea.

I know you are strong; may your journey be long; I wish you the best of luck...

Here is a list of people I want to be like when I grow up:

Kee Sloan
Michael Goldsmith
Susanna Whitsett
Lindsey Mullen
Grampa
Lydia Atkins
Anna Lott
Chris Cook
Morgan Mullen

Just jottin' this down.

Haley Bauer had lived for seven years without green peas or her father. She was introduced to both a week after her seventh birthday, and showed them equal disdain, making her mother very happy. Her father won't appear again in her life (or this story) until she is seventeen, and this time instead of trying to impress the daughter he doesn't know by make a dinner that includes green peas, he will introduce her to marijuana, with far better results.

Please, remember me, finally, and all my up-hill clawing...

Well, friends, it turns out that Lindsey and I are infected with salmonella. We found this out only because of my sister's persistence; she called the hospital this morning. We're both still exhibiting symptoms and suffering mild to moderate and occasionally severe pain, so she wanted to know if there was anything the doctor could give us to at least ease things until the "virus" had run its course. They told us they weren't allowed to dispense medical advice over the phone, then called back 15 minutes later to say that our cultures showed we had salmonella and they'd call in an antibiotic. Great.

So now, finally, we may be on the road to recovery. Now, many people actually do go through this without antibiotics (and in fact, salmonella can be resistant to the medicine), but when things continue without improvement as long as our condition has, I think it's safe to say that antibiotics are a safe choice. Weakened immune systems often allow for the illness to take hold like this. I guess coming home from camp is a pretty vulnerable time, then, with all systems shot and us ready for a break. I gotta be honest, though... I wish I'd just gone to the beach. Then I could have avoided this whole mess.

Right now I'm left in a lethargic self-deprecating mood, lazy and tired and sore. There are so many things I need to be doing, from unpacking to school preparations. And I am so so tired of sitting around, but at the same time I don't have the energy or desire to do anything. Throw in some clouds, maybe some noontime rain for good measure, and it's looking like an all around depressing day.

Chin up, though, lass, it's not all bad! It's been neat to have all six of us living in the same house again, however briefly/unorganizedly/diseasedly. And the porch door is open, and a cool breeze is blowing off the Tennessee, August though it is, and I have you, all of you, so many of you!!!

I can't explain what it was like walking into my apartment after my stay at camp! I'm on the emotional high, this emotional loss, this twirling of emotions as I process another summer gone, trying to etch each memory, each person, in my limited memory, already thinking about the moments I was to late to save, and there, there on my wall in my tiny two-bedroom, pictures of everyone here, of my friends smiling and laughing a hugging and dancing and WOW! Wow to going from place to place and Wow to the smiling people greeting me and Wow to the friendships we've formed together and WOW for all the memories I've yet to form and yet to forget.