It came upon me wave on wave...

...you're the reason I'm still here.

Everywhere I go- damn, there I am!

'Tis another beautiful day.

It's been an exciting week... Saturday saw us headed North... goodbye to the beach... until we meet again...

My parents dropped me off in Birmingham, where I met with Lance and Britni; we then traveled to Loco's to celebrate Thomas's birthday with him and Karen and Mark... it was very fun to just chill out, although after a good ten hours in the car and the drained feeling that often follows a good vacation, I was pretty tired. Karen, Thomas, and I spent the night with Lance, then breakfasted in the company of Kylie and then headed home again (I road with Karen back to the Shoals). A good weekend.

The next day (Monday), Jessica, Meaghan, and I headed to Tunica to celebrate my birthday! It was a lot of fun... my first legal drink order was a white Russian, and it was very good. I didn't win any money, but I didn't loose to much, either, and I had a GREAT time with two of the greatest people in the world... and also, free porn!

We came home Tuesday, and I've actually been home for three nights now! Tomorrow morning will have me traveling to Camp McDowell... oh how I miss thee! I can't wait... I am so freakin' excited. It really really really hit me when Jared called earlier this week. I gushed to Karen about it most of the way home from Birmingham; thanks for listening, by the way. :)

Jared called again later and told me that one of our favorite campers from Sumatonga is going to be at Special Session this year: Doobie! He is one crazy character... I'm sooooo excited he's going to be there!

To jump back a day: yesterday T.J. and Jetson came over to swim; we were joined later by Lacey, Asa, and Amy... it was a nice long day by the pool! After they'd gone Jessica and then O'Brian (who had been in and out most of the day) came out to sit for a while. We headed to the grocery store a little later and then home for dinner and then out again! This time we went to Sidepockets, where we had a fun (and eventful) night. I got to chug for a chance at a $20 bar tab (I lost by a second! Blast!) and then did a blowjob shot off of Jessica (Happy 21st to me!)

I'm at my parents' house now, and I've found out that Meagan has done most of my laundry... she's a peach! Back at the apartment, the leak is finally fixed, the hot water back on, and the air conditioning repaired. Our neighbors are moving out next door. O'Brian cleaned while we were away... definitely gonna try and keep it that way, because it feels so much nicer.

Life = Good

They're all different names for the same thing.

They're all different names for the same thing.
People here on vacation: Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Uncle Ernest, Aunt Tammy, Tara, Corey, Tyler, Evan, Adam, Russ, Uncle Keith, Aunt Laura, Katie, Nancy, Tommy, Gail, Cody, Alex, and me; Uncle Don and Aunt Edith are here, too.

Fourteen of us are staying in this house. I'm on Tara's computer... she and Lindsey are headed home tomorrow, so I thought I'd give you a quick update before the laptop leaves because I doubt I'm gonna make it to the library unless we come upono a rainy day between now and Saturday.

Let me hit a few points of interest (and I've already told many of you these things on the phone or via myspace):

~Evan and I saw a manatee surface no more than 30 feet from where we were floating. I could see his nostrils.

~Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Corey, Russ, and I walked 8 miles late one night to the only think open all the time on the island- a Circle K gas station, where we bought some cigarettes... none of us are regular smokers, but it was important in that moment that we get the cigarettes, and so we did.

~I road in my first cab; it was a van, luckily, as we flagged it down on the way home from the gas station... 8 miles? That's quite a walk. We weren't especially looking forward to long trek home, so the cab was quite a blessing. Cab driver's name? Dewey. I'm going to name my first child Dewey, Jr.

~After the long journey we sat on the beach and drank gin from the bottle with Mountain Dew to chase... one of my cousins thought he saw a dog, so we go to investigate, discovering a that it is, in fact, a sea turtle coming on shore to lay her eggs. She began the crawl at 2 in the morning, I think, and we watched her for the next two hours as she dug her nest went about her business. This was most certainly one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. We woke Tara and Tyler so they could watch, too.

~Tonight I went with Tara, Tyler, Cody, Russ, and Corey to see "Nacho Libre," which was pretty dumb, as was to be expected, but it was fun to spend time with the family... besides, we went to Taco Bell afterwards, which was a plus.

~I've eaten so much good food this week, including, but not limited to, lasagna, meatballs and sausage, chip beef gravy, crab cakes, salmon cakes, jalepeno poppers, crab legs, blue crab, mac and cheese, banana pudding, and pizza. Tommy and Uncle Ernest took Graham, Cody, Alex, and Evan deep sea fishing today, so we have more sea food to look forward to tomorrow.

Two more days, ladies and gents... if things go according to plans I've yet to discuss with anyone, really, I will be dropped off in Birmingham on Saturday for Thomas's birthday. Oh, and also, a suggestion up for question: I was thinking about staying in Birmingham until my birthday instead of going to Tunica. I really would like to go to the casinos, but I don't have any money right now. I also know people I asked to come were having a hard time getting off work and school and what not. Meaghan and Jessica are the only two people I know were coming... so this is to you, and also, those in Birmingham... would you like to spend Monday in a bar in Birmingham, and if we do that, can anyone in the city put us up? Questions, questions... let me know, please.

I love my family. Every single person here has a special special place, and I can't fathom their non-existance. I wish you were all here to enjoy this with me.

I've written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.

Yesterday Lindsey called from Birmingham, where she and her friend Lee had become stranded. I was on the Blvd. at the moment cleaning for Mom, so I left there with nothing but some gass money (courtesy of my beautiful mother) just in time to hit rush hour traffic. I headed to the Summit, and made it there mostly successfully, thanks to my dearest Lance... I felt afterwards that I had done pathetically direction-wise, though I realised later that I only missed one turn; the stand-still traffic just made me jittery.

We then drove on to Camp McDowell, after an afternoon meal the Waffle House. It was neat spending the night in the desserted lower camp. We hung out a bit with Lee and Mollie, another counselor, but that was it; we headed to bed fairly early. Before falling asleep I read the first of the six books that make up Steven King's The Green Mile. Oh man... it just hit me that I should have grabbed the rest of them before we came home! Blast!!! The second one is at the house, but I didn't even think about finishing them.... sad day...

This afternoon we went to the Thrift Store of America (I think that's what it was). No matter the name: this was amazing. I have never enjoyed thrift store shopping so very much. There's one in Tuscaloosa, too, apparently. Jessica, I can't wait for us to go. I got a super suitcase and some national geographics and a picnic basket and some overalls! It was great.... I'm gonna try and imitate Lindsey's amazing birthday gift and cover the luggage piece with pictures. She made me the fantastic collaged make-up case for my birthday. I'll post pictures soon, maybe. I think she should cover pieces and sell them. Thanks again, Lindsey. :)

I'm babysitting at the Tomlinson's now; the boys were great. Both of them were in really peachy moods and seemed as excited to see me as I was to see them. I love them very much. They ate well and fell asleep easily. Another major plus? Money! Which will probably just go in the bank.... ugh.

Nikki is away at camp this week. I hope she's having fun. I meant to call her Sunday before she left, but I forgot. I will try and remember to send her a postcard from Florida... remind me, if you will. Thanks!

This is awkward for the mallard because he mostly listens to Journey and Queen.

Sometimes in the morning, I am petrified, and can't move; awake, but cannot open my eyes.

I spent the night here at my parents' house... Dad's at the beach for a school conference and Lindsey and Meagan are at camp. Graham was at work, so I got to spend time with Mom, which is always wonderful. I love her so much. She's making lasagna for a work party; she also made some to freeze and then bring to Florida, so yay! Also, we're not leaving until the 17th; I was three days off. Curses! That's okay, though...

The goings-on this week, in no particular order:

Jessica and I went to see the Benchwarmers, which was very funny and cute (although knowing half the cast helped, I think).

O'Brian, Jessica, Meaghan, and I drove to Huntsville, where we found out Insomnia has become a 21 and up club, meaning I couldn't get in, so O'Bizzle and M-dawg headed in while J-money came with me. We drove up and down University once before heading to IHOP, where we had a lovely early morning meal and drank a lot of coffee; then we sat in the club parking lot for an hour. We got see a brilliant moon before it set on the way home, and as we drove the sun rose.

I met this guy named Marcus who is friends with the boys next door, and we ended up hanging out for like seven hours or so.

Lacey and Alex and Asa came over and swam with Lance and I. It was an interesting night. I said no... don't act so suprised! ; ) No really... be proud.

I devloped a hacking cough earlier this week and this morning I awoke all stuffy.

I started readinga book I borrowed from Lacey called Me Talk Pretty Someday. I really like it so far. Also, I have two books due at the library that I can't find. Eeek! And I sure as Hell don't have the money to pay the fines right now... ugh.

So there you have it... the things I can remember off the top of my head. I hope your day is beautiful, Reader. You deserve it.

You say you want a revolution? Well, you know...

...we all want to change the world.

There IS a place!

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before teh street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns cimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the pepermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Pas the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world...

I went with the Tomlinson's to a dinner party to watch the kids; I played with the other kids, too. Caroline, 4, and Allie, 8. They were wonderful. It was a fun night... they're still out. I brought the boys home; they both fell asleep in the car.

I just went out a minute ago to get the diaper bag and what-have-you, and I was only half-way paying attention to what I was doing, and when I opened the car door, I busted my lip. Yay for impaired depth-perception! I know, I know, you're laughing. It's understandable. My lip is cut and swelling.

I love Amos Lee.

I'm sure there's more to tell you, but I suppose I'll clean up the joint before Stephen and Rosario get home, just to be nice.

Thank you... my name is Jane.

Karen is home. Karen is safe. Karen is my heart.

Wednesday morning saw me at the Tomlinson's for a few hours; I got to meet Kelly, the girl whose taking care of them this summer-- low and behold, I knew her from Theatre last semester! That was pretty spiffy, and it makes me feel better (as if Rosario was going to hire someone bad for the boys?). After that I picked up Nikki and we went to the house on Park Blvd. and baked a strawberry cake for her dad's birthday. It didn't turn out to well, but I'm sure it tasted good, at least. After dropping her off I headed to BAM where I found Karen! A joyful reunion indeed; she was brought home to see Lance and Jonathan. After some visiting we headed to Ricatoni's for a wonderful supper, then we ventured to the railroad bridge! Turns out Jonathan and I are soul-mates. Who knew?

More stuff, blah blah. Lance dyed my hair that night! It's black again. I love it. Then we hung out on the porch for a bit. I should tell you, I'm disaster.

Yesterday Lance and Jonathan came over in the morning and after some N64 we headed to the pool, where O'Brian joined us later; first time in the apartment pool this summer. It was nice, although it started clouding over after a while, so we went back inside. Jonathan had to go get ready for work, so we met him later at Quiznos, which then turned into Rosie's, which was wonderful. The we ambushed Karen and stole her away; more stuff, Karen went home, and we went to SIdepockets, where T.J. met us, and we hung out with Bobby, Mitch, and Matt before they went on stage. College night, 25 cent mini-beers, so Jessica and Lance had fun with that. The boys did a great job, as to be expected, and I liked this place more than Big Ed's. We headed home, after some exciting car troubles, then out again to Krystal's, which we promptly delivered to Jonathan at the ER.

A trip to the hospital roof; I love heights.

Home again, home again, alcohol, fun times, more MarioKart. Eventually the guys showed up from the pool hall and hung out for a little bit, then they went home, and I went to bed. I'm headed back to the Tomlinson's in about half an hour; I'm glad they called. I miss the boys... I need the money. I hate money. But I love you, Reader.

Oh, Wesley.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
i took the boy who
is named christopher in
to my apartment

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
middle and there was
something else i wanted
to tell you about

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
no plans of being caught
in my room dreaming about
you if i just gave

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
opposes gun control
and the other day i had
no plans of being caught

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
call me if i just
liked it more when i was
telling jessica

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
she does with her free
time it always suprises me
to find that i want

Who is having the best week ever?

VH1 doesn't know this, but the answer is me, obviously.

I'm having a very good day. I've been in a great mood, despite this head cold which is driving me mad. I saw Bobby off this afternoon and then headed to the river to visit with family. I went tubing with Katie, which was killer. After getting my fill of sunshine, I headed home, where I met with Jessica and then we went off to Ruselville. Why would anyone go to Russellville, you ask? We went to the drive-in, where saw Over the Hedge and R.V. They were pretty dumb (I wasn't impressed at ALL with Hedge) but it was still fun. We spent the whole of the second movie playing the Kevin Bacon game; I was telling Jessica about the visit from the Mufreesboro boys and that branched into the game, except our was better, because we are awesome.

Shareese, Terri, Meaghan, and I went to their concert last night at Big Ed's, which was less sketch than I first thought-- it was still sketch, though. That was great fun, as expected. Shareese and I danced with the first official crazed fan of the Middlemen... some guy from California, Alabama.

After the concert we girls headed home, then Meaghan and Shareese left, Terri and I picked up pizzas, and Lacey and Asa came over. The guys got home a little later, then Terri went home, followed shortly by Mitch and Matt, and later Lacey.

So maybe you didn't really care about the details, but there you have them. There's another concert Thursday night... who wants to come with? I would love to see you there. It's at Sidepockets, which is, at the very very most, three minutes away from my apartment.

Karen, I pine for you. I hope you're home safe and sound and soon.

I'm drinking hot lemon and blueberry tea. It's soothing.

The sunniest day, and everybody wants to call the cops about that body we found.

Whatever, man.

To handcrafted beers made in local breweries!

Bobby, Mitch, and Matt are in town. They are all very sweet, and, as they've been told many a time, adorable. I haven't hung out with a group of straight guys in a loooooong time. It's kinda wierd.

The show in in a couple hours. Shareese, Terri, and maybe Meaghan are coming with me. Yay!

I caught whatever crud Dad had, and I feel like shit. Ugh. Grandmomma gave me some cold medicine which has helped some this afternoon. It was a beautiful day on the lake. I love my family. But you knew that.

I'm going to take a nap now before I pick up Shareese. I'm at my parents' house.

Cucumber dip is always a good thing, as is almond cake.

Graham is fellow alumni now. Good jorb, Graham.

Congratulations, Class of 2006!

If I was crying in the van with my friends, it was for freedom, from myself and from the land.

I drove to New York
In a van, with my friend
We slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
In my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

One more year? I think I can graduate in one more year... let's hope so. Social work... that's my new major. I don't know what I want to do, but it's as good a major as anything else. I will be good at it, but there are lots of things I would be good at, and lots of things I would enjoy, but none of the things I want here and now require a degree, and I miss the security of feeling that the future would take care of itself.

So after college... who wants to pitch in for the van? Anybody up for parking lots and public restrooms? Save your money, kids, sell your clothes... it's not too late, is it? I didn't ask to be born after the revolution. I know it's been done, and I know the pioneers had ideals much better than mine. But surely the arbitrary date of my birth hasn't left me completely unable to pursue the bohemian ideals I romanticize?

I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want two dogs and a cat and a white picket fence and maybe a mini-van. I want a steady job with good benefits and a stable retirement fund. But not yet...

Here in the real world, things are great... I got back from Anna Maria Island Wednesday evening; it was a wonderful wonderful wonderful vacation of the kind I will not likely enjoy again. Beautiful. Finally got to see Jessica and O'Brian... I missed them bunches. I brought them souvenirs. but I left them at the house; they'll be getting here tomorrow. Woohoo! I got lots of new clothing for less than lots of money, which is a plus. This morning I went to see Graham at his Honor's Day Program... guess who was part of the Mr. and Ms. DHS court? My brother, that's who! VERY exciting; I am so very proud of him for that and for the many other awards he received... he's on the lake now with Wil and Harris, and I hope he's having a killer time. The ceremony this morning made me pretty sad... I love college. I love it. I think what makes me wish for high school is the stability... not only did I have an amazing group of friend, I had consistency... the very thing I'm so scared of now!

I just realized that. Jeez.

But there's something to be said for not having a choice. I wouldn't live my life like that, but I sometimes miss that simplicity. You get up, maybe grab some breakfast, head to school, talk with friends, walk to class, wave in the halls, talk at lunch, finish the day, head to annual staff or drama or art club or whatever you had going on, go home, eat dinner with your family, maybe go see your younger sister play ball-- you don't care about the game, but you care about your sister, so you go, even though the two of you fight on the way home-- head to bed, wake up, do it again. Then weekends and holidays and summer camps, and everything is thrown out of wack, and that's good and that's wonderful and that's fun, but you know-- you dread it but you know, August is gonna roll around and back that school and back to those halls and back to those people.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

That's not true. I do, but I'm not going to bother typing it out. You didn't even read this, did you? You just skimmed for your name. I don't feel like proof-reading, so pardon me if I rambled...

Tonight is going to be fun. Tonight, tonight, there's only you tonight...

I watched West Side Story in Florida... it's so fantastic...

:)

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you...

I guess we have some time to kill...

Some things I did not post about that I don't want to forget, in no order:

~ Panapoly
~ Rosemary
~ Slurred Sign
~ Weddings
~ Kevin Bacon
~ Damn Hensley People
~ Summer Plans

But those I will attend to later... I'm posting from Hot 'Lanta right now... at the lovely home of Uncle Keith and Aunt Laura and Katie and Nancy, and we just finished a late late supper and I'm about to head to bed. I probably will not be posting in the next two weeks; because I hope to live simply and fully. :)

In other words, I'm going to be on the beach, and I plan to avoid computers and televisions and cell phones. Except call me. I would like that... even if I can't answer at the moment, I will call back. Leave me messages on here and myspace and blogspot and email and help me feel loved when I return home. Call me if you need me. I will love you long distance.

A new lease you are, my love...

As long as the sun shall rise goes the

old lovers vow. But we are children of a scientific age &

have no time for poetry. Still, I offer a

quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight

each time I see your face.

A fallacy in your head...

To days of inspiration To playing hookey To making something out of nothing To the need to express, to communicate To going against the grain To going insane, going mad To loving tension To no pension To more than one dimension To starving for attention To hating convention To hating pretention To riding your bike midday past three-piece suits To fruits To no absolutes To Absolut To choice To the village voice To any passing fad To being an us, for once, instead of a them To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries To yoga To yogurt To rice and beans and cheese To leather To dildos To curry vidaloo To huevos ranchero To Maya Angelou To emotion To devotion To causing a commotion To creation To vacation To mucho masturbation To compasion To fashion To passion, when it's new To Sontag To Sondheim To anything taboo To Ginsberg To Dylan To Cunningham and Cage To Lenny Bruce To Langston Hughes To the stage To Uta To Budda To Pablo Neruda To bisexuals To trisexuals To homo sapiens To carcinogens To hallucninogens To men To Pee Wee Herman To German wine To Turpentine To Gertrude Stein To Antonioni To Bertolucci To Kurosawa To Carmina Burana To apathy To entropy To empathy To ecstasy To Vaclav Havel To the Sex Pistols To 8BC To no shame To never playing the fame game To marijuana To sodomy To S&M To dance To no way to make a living To masochism To pain To perfection To muscle spasms To chiropractors To short careers To eating disorders To film To adventure To tedium To no family To boring locations To dark rooms To perfect faces To egos To money To Hollywood and sleaze To music To food of love To emotion To mathematics To isolation To rhythm To feeling To power To harmony To heavy competion To anarchy To revolution To justice To screaming for solutions To forcing changes To risk and danger To making noise and making please To faggots To lezzies To dykes To cross dressers To me To you To people living with, not dying, from disease

Pooh, you haven't any brains.

I have so much I want to tell you about, dear Reader, but I will have to prolong day-to-day activities post for a little bit longer, as I desperately need to write about the last hour of my life and perhaps rid myself of this stress and discontent.

I worked from 9 until 4 here at the Tomlinsons, and I planned to go Wal-mart after I got off. I went home first, where I found a little vagabond loitering on my front step. There was a three year old boy, half-naked, just standing there. I asked about his parents, and he said he was with his Nana, so I followed him to the apartment two doors down; the door was open and there was a woman asleep on the couch. I took the boy, who is named Christopher, in to my apartment and tried to figure out what to do. Before anything else, I dug out some old shorts with a drawstring. I think naked children are beautiful and innocent, but I had no plans of being caught in my house with an unclothed child I didn't know and who didn't know me. The shorts were green; he loves, he loves green, he told me. They looked baggy and ridiculous and sweet. Next I got him some chocolate milk and some Captain Crunch. I made him a few balloon animals and put on Fraggle Rock. I watched him for about an hour before I heard his Nana talking on the phone in the open apartment.
"Excuse me? Does Christopher belong to you?"

She had forgotten to put the chain on the door when she decided to take a nap, apparently. That is a Big Deal. He had no fear of the road or anything; after she came out to get him he ran around. He could have been hit by a car or he could have run very far away in the time he was out there (and I don't know how long he was out before I arrived). We don't live in a bad neighborhood by any means, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad people out and about. What if some creep had found him?

His grandmother seemed nice enough... I'm doing my best not to think bad thoughts about her, I really really and truly am. Should I have called someone? Leave me comments and make me feel better... everything is okay, but I have this residual panic that I can't seem to shake...

Me and my delayed emotional reactions...