That's cool with me- it's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you.

I found another song about Grace by the Bacon Brothers... thanks for the overwhelming response to that post, by the way... and by overwhelming, I mean virtually non-existent. You'd think that having a livejournal, myspace, blogspot, and facebook would keep me connected, wouldn't you? Apparently not.

The boys are asleep and the parents should be back in an hour. After that I might go to Kid Safari and get the check that's sujpposed to come for me today, though I may wait until tomorrow. We shall see. I should probably go get it when I visit Shareese (which will be soon, I promise! Sorry for being out of touch...) because I have no money and no gas.

In a rather depressing turn of events, I've lost all the pictures I had on my computer. That includes some I can retrieve (some that Lance gave me and my high school pictures) but I lost all the web cam pics I had of Stephen, which means the pictures of the kittens I had and of Richie and most importantly, all the pics from my dorm room. This makes me want to cry, and it's been like three days since it happened, and it won't go away. I guess it will. Eventually. :(

Last night I ate dinner over here (as a guest, not as the nanny!) and it was really great. I love this family. We didn't say a blessing before the meal, and that was perhaps the most awkward I've ever felt before supper. I said my own silent prayer, but it was still ridiculously weird.

Tomorrow I work from 8-4 and then I'm off, woohoo! I think they want me to split my day Friday, but I'm not really down with that, so hopefully I won't end up saying yes if they ask me to. I don't like split days.

And now, because Kyle tagged me, six wierd things! Six more weird things, rather, as you can read the first six here... or here... or here. :) Seeing as I am one very odd duck, though, I will give you some new and original oddities:

1. Sometimes I go through phases where things don't make me cry, and then I miss the tears. For a while, I couldn't even tear up without conjuring up every sad moment in my life, and even then it didn't always work. Now I'm back to normal, and a good song at the right moment can set off the sprinklers. Not sobs, mind you, just trickles, and I like that.

2. I don't locked doors. I used to think that I just never thought to lock them, but I've realized over the course of this past year that it's not that. I just don't like them. It's like locking the doors means that I'm admitting that people can't be trusted, and I don't like that thought. (I do still lock them most of the time, of course, because I don't want to feel stupid one day if I get robbed ;)

3. I love the smell of rubbing alcohol. I absolutely love it.

4. I saw this on a postsecret the other day, and I realized it could be a confession of my own... anyway, when there's a group of people together, I wonder which one of us will die first. Not really in a morbid sort of way, just a curious sort of way. And I don't do this all the time, so if we're ever hanging out and you see me zone, don't assume I'm contemplating your future non-existance.

5. When I listen to a new cd, I'm absolutely enthralled by the knowledge that one day soon, I will be obsessive about several of the songs (assuming it's by a band I like, of course). I like knowing that a song that seems foreign and usually ends up as background music upon first listening will soon be stuck in my head for days on end. I feel the same way about new places... I like knowing that streets that unfamiliar will soon be fixed into my head and landmarks will seem unnecessary (as in the move to Florence).

6. When I want to concentrate on a song or what someone's saying, I often start signing what they're saying (spelling it out with one hand, only, not all out sign). This isn't so I can pay more attention; it give my hands something to do so I don't get fidgety and my mind doesn't drift, but it doesn't occupy all of my mind.

That was the end, but I forgot that I was going to mention my trip Tuscumbia with April last week... I took her to the doc, and Landon is BEAUTIFUL and April is radiant, of course. After I dropped her off, I drove by Micah's old house. I almost drove past it. It was so weird. Years ago I could have found that place in the dark. It was still beautiful, and it made me kind of sad in a strange sort of way; I have a lot of memories from that house. Good memories, most all of them. It just got me to thinking about him and about Stephen and about various other relationships I had or almost had or wish I could have or am happy I don't have.

What a long blog! Oh my!

Fantastic French Toast!

I made some fantastic French toast... banana stuffed on raisin bread... hit me up for the recipe. ::

I should have started posting earlier... the Tomlinson's will probably be back any minute. I have so much to tell you, reader... thoughts on life... tales of my recent expereinces... I can't start them now, though, because I will surely get to caught up in them. Maybe later this evening; I think I'm gonna spend the night at my parents' house. My sister is back, hurray! I have a dentist appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning in Muscle Shoals; I'm going to try and schedule an eye exam tomorrow, too.

Get this: I haven't seen my UNA id in months... I remember not really caring that much after I lost it because we were supposed to get new ones anyway (which I never did) and the old one doesn't work for anything. So, when I went to get my pink eye checked out, they said I'd need my id if I wanted to be recognized on my dad's insurance or some mess like that... I'm thinking this means I'ma have to wait until school starts before I can get some glasses (which I'm wanting more and more... I'm tired of not being able to see anything). Yesterday, William hands me my id while we're playing in the livng room. I guess I lost it among the toys here.

Karma, anyone? I hope so.

As if I need any more proof that there is a God and that's he's looking out for me... one little miracle after another. :)

I thought the Tomlinsons would be home by now. If they're here by 11, that will mean I've worked 12 hours today. Dag, yo... that's awesome. I need the money. 8 hours yesterday, 8 tomorrow and Thursday and Friday... at 7 an hour... $308 bucks. Good deal.

I just need 250 for an apartment deposit and 150 for utility deposit, oh, and let's not forget driving school...

and I don't want to be alone.

The double entendre that is my name.

Any additions? It's hard to search for lyrics about a person named Grace because the searches turn up about 203938 hits for Amazing Grace, plus a thousand more religious songs about grace... then there are the bands Three Days Grace and Moments in Grace... anyway, here's what I've found so far (and I've only actually heard a couple of these... yes, Gracie would be wonderful, too):

Gracie-girl - Ben Folds
Grace - U2
Grace - Robbie Williams
Grace - Jethro Tull*
Grace - Jeff Buckley
Saving Grace - The Cranberries*
Baby Grace (A Horrid Cassette) - David Bowie*
Princess Grace - Ben Graves (I can't find these lyrics to save my life)
Grace's Hands - Dave Barnes

* - indicate songs that could be about a person or the attribute... and also songs I can't decide if I like based on the lyrics

In other news, I'm at the Tomlinson's, and I'll be here tomorrow night, and I'll be working here until school starts!!! Lemme tell you, God definitely provides. Everytime I've been at my wits end this summer, struggling with money, specifically, something just seems to come up... Kelly (who has been working for them this summer) broke up with her boyfriend this week and has decided to move to Oklahoma with her parents, so I got a call this morning. Amazing.

It will be so nice to not worry about money so much. I'll still be broke, at least until I get my bank account balanced and driving school out of the way and get moved into the new apartment (still don't know where that will be), but I'll have a steady income... hurray!

I wonder where these dreams go when the world gets in your way...

Where I have been:

~Special Session
~On the Pier
~Atlanta
~AIDS Camp
~Junior High II
~Tomlinson's

Then I got pink eye, then I spent this weekend on the river, and now? Now I have nothing to do for the moment, and perhaps this isn't such a bad thing...

:)

It came upon me wave on wave...

...you're the reason I'm still here.

Everywhere I go- damn, there I am!

'Tis another beautiful day.

It's been an exciting week... Saturday saw us headed North... goodbye to the beach... until we meet again...

My parents dropped me off in Birmingham, where I met with Lance and Britni; we then traveled to Loco's to celebrate Thomas's birthday with him and Karen and Mark... it was very fun to just chill out, although after a good ten hours in the car and the drained feeling that often follows a good vacation, I was pretty tired. Karen, Thomas, and I spent the night with Lance, then breakfasted in the company of Kylie and then headed home again (I road with Karen back to the Shoals). A good weekend.

The next day (Monday), Jessica, Meaghan, and I headed to Tunica to celebrate my birthday! It was a lot of fun... my first legal drink order was a white Russian, and it was very good. I didn't win any money, but I didn't loose to much, either, and I had a GREAT time with two of the greatest people in the world... and also, free porn!

We came home Tuesday, and I've actually been home for three nights now! Tomorrow morning will have me traveling to Camp McDowell... oh how I miss thee! I can't wait... I am so freakin' excited. It really really really hit me when Jared called earlier this week. I gushed to Karen about it most of the way home from Birmingham; thanks for listening, by the way. :)

Jared called again later and told me that one of our favorite campers from Sumatonga is going to be at Special Session this year: Doobie! He is one crazy character... I'm sooooo excited he's going to be there!

To jump back a day: yesterday T.J. and Jetson came over to swim; we were joined later by Lacey, Asa, and Amy... it was a nice long day by the pool! After they'd gone Jessica and then O'Brian (who had been in and out most of the day) came out to sit for a while. We headed to the grocery store a little later and then home for dinner and then out again! This time we went to Sidepockets, where we had a fun (and eventful) night. I got to chug for a chance at a $20 bar tab (I lost by a second! Blast!) and then did a blowjob shot off of Jessica (Happy 21st to me!)

I'm at my parents' house now, and I've found out that Meagan has done most of my laundry... she's a peach! Back at the apartment, the leak is finally fixed, the hot water back on, and the air conditioning repaired. Our neighbors are moving out next door. O'Brian cleaned while we were away... definitely gonna try and keep it that way, because it feels so much nicer.

Life = Good

They're all different names for the same thing.

They're all different names for the same thing.
People here on vacation: Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Uncle Ernest, Aunt Tammy, Tara, Corey, Tyler, Evan, Adam, Russ, Uncle Keith, Aunt Laura, Katie, Nancy, Tommy, Gail, Cody, Alex, and me; Uncle Don and Aunt Edith are here, too.

Fourteen of us are staying in this house. I'm on Tara's computer... she and Lindsey are headed home tomorrow, so I thought I'd give you a quick update before the laptop leaves because I doubt I'm gonna make it to the library unless we come upono a rainy day between now and Saturday.

Let me hit a few points of interest (and I've already told many of you these things on the phone or via myspace):

~Evan and I saw a manatee surface no more than 30 feet from where we were floating. I could see his nostrils.

~Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Corey, Russ, and I walked 8 miles late one night to the only think open all the time on the island- a Circle K gas station, where we bought some cigarettes... none of us are regular smokers, but it was important in that moment that we get the cigarettes, and so we did.

~I road in my first cab; it was a van, luckily, as we flagged it down on the way home from the gas station... 8 miles? That's quite a walk. We weren't especially looking forward to long trek home, so the cab was quite a blessing. Cab driver's name? Dewey. I'm going to name my first child Dewey, Jr.

~After the long journey we sat on the beach and drank gin from the bottle with Mountain Dew to chase... one of my cousins thought he saw a dog, so we go to investigate, discovering a that it is, in fact, a sea turtle coming on shore to lay her eggs. She began the crawl at 2 in the morning, I think, and we watched her for the next two hours as she dug her nest went about her business. This was most certainly one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. We woke Tara and Tyler so they could watch, too.

~Tonight I went with Tara, Tyler, Cody, Russ, and Corey to see "Nacho Libre," which was pretty dumb, as was to be expected, but it was fun to spend time with the family... besides, we went to Taco Bell afterwards, which was a plus.

~I've eaten so much good food this week, including, but not limited to, lasagna, meatballs and sausage, chip beef gravy, crab cakes, salmon cakes, jalepeno poppers, crab legs, blue crab, mac and cheese, banana pudding, and pizza. Tommy and Uncle Ernest took Graham, Cody, Alex, and Evan deep sea fishing today, so we have more sea food to look forward to tomorrow.

Two more days, ladies and gents... if things go according to plans I've yet to discuss with anyone, really, I will be dropped off in Birmingham on Saturday for Thomas's birthday. Oh, and also, a suggestion up for question: I was thinking about staying in Birmingham until my birthday instead of going to Tunica. I really would like to go to the casinos, but I don't have any money right now. I also know people I asked to come were having a hard time getting off work and school and what not. Meaghan and Jessica are the only two people I know were coming... so this is to you, and also, those in Birmingham... would you like to spend Monday in a bar in Birmingham, and if we do that, can anyone in the city put us up? Questions, questions... let me know, please.

I love my family. Every single person here has a special special place, and I can't fathom their non-existance. I wish you were all here to enjoy this with me.

I've written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.

Yesterday Lindsey called from Birmingham, where she and her friend Lee had become stranded. I was on the Blvd. at the moment cleaning for Mom, so I left there with nothing but some gass money (courtesy of my beautiful mother) just in time to hit rush hour traffic. I headed to the Summit, and made it there mostly successfully, thanks to my dearest Lance... I felt afterwards that I had done pathetically direction-wise, though I realised later that I only missed one turn; the stand-still traffic just made me jittery.

We then drove on to Camp McDowell, after an afternoon meal the Waffle House. It was neat spending the night in the desserted lower camp. We hung out a bit with Lee and Mollie, another counselor, but that was it; we headed to bed fairly early. Before falling asleep I read the first of the six books that make up Steven King's The Green Mile. Oh man... it just hit me that I should have grabbed the rest of them before we came home! Blast!!! The second one is at the house, but I didn't even think about finishing them.... sad day...

This afternoon we went to the Thrift Store of America (I think that's what it was). No matter the name: this was amazing. I have never enjoyed thrift store shopping so very much. There's one in Tuscaloosa, too, apparently. Jessica, I can't wait for us to go. I got a super suitcase and some national geographics and a picnic basket and some overalls! It was great.... I'm gonna try and imitate Lindsey's amazing birthday gift and cover the luggage piece with pictures. She made me the fantastic collaged make-up case for my birthday. I'll post pictures soon, maybe. I think she should cover pieces and sell them. Thanks again, Lindsey. :)

I'm babysitting at the Tomlinson's now; the boys were great. Both of them were in really peachy moods and seemed as excited to see me as I was to see them. I love them very much. They ate well and fell asleep easily. Another major plus? Money! Which will probably just go in the bank.... ugh.

Nikki is away at camp this week. I hope she's having fun. I meant to call her Sunday before she left, but I forgot. I will try and remember to send her a postcard from Florida... remind me, if you will. Thanks!

This is awkward for the mallard because he mostly listens to Journey and Queen.

Sometimes in the morning, I am petrified, and can't move; awake, but cannot open my eyes.

I spent the night here at my parents' house... Dad's at the beach for a school conference and Lindsey and Meagan are at camp. Graham was at work, so I got to spend time with Mom, which is always wonderful. I love her so much. She's making lasagna for a work party; she also made some to freeze and then bring to Florida, so yay! Also, we're not leaving until the 17th; I was three days off. Curses! That's okay, though...

The goings-on this week, in no particular order:

Jessica and I went to see the Benchwarmers, which was very funny and cute (although knowing half the cast helped, I think).

O'Brian, Jessica, Meaghan, and I drove to Huntsville, where we found out Insomnia has become a 21 and up club, meaning I couldn't get in, so O'Bizzle and M-dawg headed in while J-money came with me. We drove up and down University once before heading to IHOP, where we had a lovely early morning meal and drank a lot of coffee; then we sat in the club parking lot for an hour. We got see a brilliant moon before it set on the way home, and as we drove the sun rose.

I met this guy named Marcus who is friends with the boys next door, and we ended up hanging out for like seven hours or so.

Lacey and Alex and Asa came over and swam with Lance and I. It was an interesting night. I said no... don't act so suprised! ; ) No really... be proud.

I devloped a hacking cough earlier this week and this morning I awoke all stuffy.

I started readinga book I borrowed from Lacey called Me Talk Pretty Someday. I really like it so far. Also, I have two books due at the library that I can't find. Eeek! And I sure as Hell don't have the money to pay the fines right now... ugh.

So there you have it... the things I can remember off the top of my head. I hope your day is beautiful, Reader. You deserve it.

You say you want a revolution? Well, you know...

...we all want to change the world.

There IS a place!

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before teh street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns cimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the pepermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Pas the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world...

I went with the Tomlinson's to a dinner party to watch the kids; I played with the other kids, too. Caroline, 4, and Allie, 8. They were wonderful. It was a fun night... they're still out. I brought the boys home; they both fell asleep in the car.

I just went out a minute ago to get the diaper bag and what-have-you, and I was only half-way paying attention to what I was doing, and when I opened the car door, I busted my lip. Yay for impaired depth-perception! I know, I know, you're laughing. It's understandable. My lip is cut and swelling.

I love Amos Lee.

I'm sure there's more to tell you, but I suppose I'll clean up the joint before Stephen and Rosario get home, just to be nice.

Thank you... my name is Jane.

Karen is home. Karen is safe. Karen is my heart.

Wednesday morning saw me at the Tomlinson's for a few hours; I got to meet Kelly, the girl whose taking care of them this summer-- low and behold, I knew her from Theatre last semester! That was pretty spiffy, and it makes me feel better (as if Rosario was going to hire someone bad for the boys?). After that I picked up Nikki and we went to the house on Park Blvd. and baked a strawberry cake for her dad's birthday. It didn't turn out to well, but I'm sure it tasted good, at least. After dropping her off I headed to BAM where I found Karen! A joyful reunion indeed; she was brought home to see Lance and Jonathan. After some visiting we headed to Ricatoni's for a wonderful supper, then we ventured to the railroad bridge! Turns out Jonathan and I are soul-mates. Who knew?

More stuff, blah blah. Lance dyed my hair that night! It's black again. I love it. Then we hung out on the porch for a bit. I should tell you, I'm disaster.

Yesterday Lance and Jonathan came over in the morning and after some N64 we headed to the pool, where O'Brian joined us later; first time in the apartment pool this summer. It was nice, although it started clouding over after a while, so we went back inside. Jonathan had to go get ready for work, so we met him later at Quiznos, which then turned into Rosie's, which was wonderful. The we ambushed Karen and stole her away; more stuff, Karen went home, and we went to SIdepockets, where T.J. met us, and we hung out with Bobby, Mitch, and Matt before they went on stage. College night, 25 cent mini-beers, so Jessica and Lance had fun with that. The boys did a great job, as to be expected, and I liked this place more than Big Ed's. We headed home, after some exciting car troubles, then out again to Krystal's, which we promptly delivered to Jonathan at the ER.

A trip to the hospital roof; I love heights.

Home again, home again, alcohol, fun times, more MarioKart. Eventually the guys showed up from the pool hall and hung out for a little bit, then they went home, and I went to bed. I'm headed back to the Tomlinson's in about half an hour; I'm glad they called. I miss the boys... I need the money. I hate money. But I love you, Reader.

Oh, Wesley.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
i took the boy who
is named christopher in
to my apartment

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
middle and there was
something else i wanted
to tell you about

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
no plans of being caught
in my room dreaming about
you if i just gave

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
opposes gun control
and the other day i had
no plans of being caught

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
call me if i just
liked it more when i was
telling jessica

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: YourSavingGrace
Your haiku:
she does with her free
time it always suprises me
to find that i want

Who is having the best week ever?

VH1 doesn't know this, but the answer is me, obviously.

I'm having a very good day. I've been in a great mood, despite this head cold which is driving me mad. I saw Bobby off this afternoon and then headed to the river to visit with family. I went tubing with Katie, which was killer. After getting my fill of sunshine, I headed home, where I met with Jessica and then we went off to Ruselville. Why would anyone go to Russellville, you ask? We went to the drive-in, where saw Over the Hedge and R.V. They were pretty dumb (I wasn't impressed at ALL with Hedge) but it was still fun. We spent the whole of the second movie playing the Kevin Bacon game; I was telling Jessica about the visit from the Mufreesboro boys and that branched into the game, except our was better, because we are awesome.

Shareese, Terri, Meaghan, and I went to their concert last night at Big Ed's, which was less sketch than I first thought-- it was still sketch, though. That was great fun, as expected. Shareese and I danced with the first official crazed fan of the Middlemen... some guy from California, Alabama.

After the concert we girls headed home, then Meaghan and Shareese left, Terri and I picked up pizzas, and Lacey and Asa came over. The guys got home a little later, then Terri went home, followed shortly by Mitch and Matt, and later Lacey.

So maybe you didn't really care about the details, but there you have them. There's another concert Thursday night... who wants to come with? I would love to see you there. It's at Sidepockets, which is, at the very very most, three minutes away from my apartment.

Karen, I pine for you. I hope you're home safe and sound and soon.

I'm drinking hot lemon and blueberry tea. It's soothing.

The sunniest day, and everybody wants to call the cops about that body we found.

Whatever, man.

To handcrafted beers made in local breweries!

Bobby, Mitch, and Matt are in town. They are all very sweet, and, as they've been told many a time, adorable. I haven't hung out with a group of straight guys in a loooooong time. It's kinda wierd.

The show in in a couple hours. Shareese, Terri, and maybe Meaghan are coming with me. Yay!

I caught whatever crud Dad had, and I feel like shit. Ugh. Grandmomma gave me some cold medicine which has helped some this afternoon. It was a beautiful day on the lake. I love my family. But you knew that.

I'm going to take a nap now before I pick up Shareese. I'm at my parents' house.

Cucumber dip is always a good thing, as is almond cake.

Graham is fellow alumni now. Good jorb, Graham.

Congratulations, Class of 2006!

If I was crying in the van with my friends, it was for freedom, from myself and from the land.

I drove to New York
In a van, with my friend
We slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
In my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

One more year? I think I can graduate in one more year... let's hope so. Social work... that's my new major. I don't know what I want to do, but it's as good a major as anything else. I will be good at it, but there are lots of things I would be good at, and lots of things I would enjoy, but none of the things I want here and now require a degree, and I miss the security of feeling that the future would take care of itself.

So after college... who wants to pitch in for the van? Anybody up for parking lots and public restrooms? Save your money, kids, sell your clothes... it's not too late, is it? I didn't ask to be born after the revolution. I know it's been done, and I know the pioneers had ideals much better than mine. But surely the arbitrary date of my birth hasn't left me completely unable to pursue the bohemian ideals I romanticize?

I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want two dogs and a cat and a white picket fence and maybe a mini-van. I want a steady job with good benefits and a stable retirement fund. But not yet...

Here in the real world, things are great... I got back from Anna Maria Island Wednesday evening; it was a wonderful wonderful wonderful vacation of the kind I will not likely enjoy again. Beautiful. Finally got to see Jessica and O'Brian... I missed them bunches. I brought them souvenirs. but I left them at the house; they'll be getting here tomorrow. Woohoo! I got lots of new clothing for less than lots of money, which is a plus. This morning I went to see Graham at his Honor's Day Program... guess who was part of the Mr. and Ms. DHS court? My brother, that's who! VERY exciting; I am so very proud of him for that and for the many other awards he received... he's on the lake now with Wil and Harris, and I hope he's having a killer time. The ceremony this morning made me pretty sad... I love college. I love it. I think what makes me wish for high school is the stability... not only did I have an amazing group of friend, I had consistency... the very thing I'm so scared of now!

I just realized that. Jeez.

But there's something to be said for not having a choice. I wouldn't live my life like that, but I sometimes miss that simplicity. You get up, maybe grab some breakfast, head to school, talk with friends, walk to class, wave in the halls, talk at lunch, finish the day, head to annual staff or drama or art club or whatever you had going on, go home, eat dinner with your family, maybe go see your younger sister play ball-- you don't care about the game, but you care about your sister, so you go, even though the two of you fight on the way home-- head to bed, wake up, do it again. Then weekends and holidays and summer camps, and everything is thrown out of wack, and that's good and that's wonderful and that's fun, but you know-- you dread it but you know, August is gonna roll around and back that school and back to those halls and back to those people.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

That's not true. I do, but I'm not going to bother typing it out. You didn't even read this, did you? You just skimmed for your name. I don't feel like proof-reading, so pardon me if I rambled...

Tonight is going to be fun. Tonight, tonight, there's only you tonight...

I watched West Side Story in Florida... it's so fantastic...

:)

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you...

I guess we have some time to kill...

Some things I did not post about that I don't want to forget, in no order:

~ Panapoly
~ Rosemary
~ Slurred Sign
~ Weddings
~ Kevin Bacon
~ Damn Hensley People
~ Summer Plans

But those I will attend to later... I'm posting from Hot 'Lanta right now... at the lovely home of Uncle Keith and Aunt Laura and Katie and Nancy, and we just finished a late late supper and I'm about to head to bed. I probably will not be posting in the next two weeks; because I hope to live simply and fully. :)

In other words, I'm going to be on the beach, and I plan to avoid computers and televisions and cell phones. Except call me. I would like that... even if I can't answer at the moment, I will call back. Leave me messages on here and myspace and blogspot and email and help me feel loved when I return home. Call me if you need me. I will love you long distance.

A new lease you are, my love...

As long as the sun shall rise goes the

old lovers vow. But we are children of a scientific age &

have no time for poetry. Still, I offer a

quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight

each time I see your face.

A fallacy in your head...

To days of inspiration To playing hookey To making something out of nothing To the need to express, to communicate To going against the grain To going insane, going mad To loving tension To no pension To more than one dimension To starving for attention To hating convention To hating pretention To riding your bike midday past three-piece suits To fruits To no absolutes To Absolut To choice To the village voice To any passing fad To being an us, for once, instead of a them To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries To yoga To yogurt To rice and beans and cheese To leather To dildos To curry vidaloo To huevos ranchero To Maya Angelou To emotion To devotion To causing a commotion To creation To vacation To mucho masturbation To compasion To fashion To passion, when it's new To Sontag To Sondheim To anything taboo To Ginsberg To Dylan To Cunningham and Cage To Lenny Bruce To Langston Hughes To the stage To Uta To Budda To Pablo Neruda To bisexuals To trisexuals To homo sapiens To carcinogens To hallucninogens To men To Pee Wee Herman To German wine To Turpentine To Gertrude Stein To Antonioni To Bertolucci To Kurosawa To Carmina Burana To apathy To entropy To empathy To ecstasy To Vaclav Havel To the Sex Pistols To 8BC To no shame To never playing the fame game To marijuana To sodomy To S&M To dance To no way to make a living To masochism To pain To perfection To muscle spasms To chiropractors To short careers To eating disorders To film To adventure To tedium To no family To boring locations To dark rooms To perfect faces To egos To money To Hollywood and sleaze To music To food of love To emotion To mathematics To isolation To rhythm To feeling To power To harmony To heavy competion To anarchy To revolution To justice To screaming for solutions To forcing changes To risk and danger To making noise and making please To faggots To lezzies To dykes To cross dressers To me To you To people living with, not dying, from disease

Pooh, you haven't any brains.

I have so much I want to tell you about, dear Reader, but I will have to prolong day-to-day activities post for a little bit longer, as I desperately need to write about the last hour of my life and perhaps rid myself of this stress and discontent.

I worked from 9 until 4 here at the Tomlinsons, and I planned to go Wal-mart after I got off. I went home first, where I found a little vagabond loitering on my front step. There was a three year old boy, half-naked, just standing there. I asked about his parents, and he said he was with his Nana, so I followed him to the apartment two doors down; the door was open and there was a woman asleep on the couch. I took the boy, who is named Christopher, in to my apartment and tried to figure out what to do. Before anything else, I dug out some old shorts with a drawstring. I think naked children are beautiful and innocent, but I had no plans of being caught in my house with an unclothed child I didn't know and who didn't know me. The shorts were green; he loves, he loves green, he told me. They looked baggy and ridiculous and sweet. Next I got him some chocolate milk and some Captain Crunch. I made him a few balloon animals and put on Fraggle Rock. I watched him for about an hour before I heard his Nana talking on the phone in the open apartment.
"Excuse me? Does Christopher belong to you?"

She had forgotten to put the chain on the door when she decided to take a nap, apparently. That is a Big Deal. He had no fear of the road or anything; after she came out to get him he ran around. He could have been hit by a car or he could have run very far away in the time he was out there (and I don't know how long he was out before I arrived). We don't live in a bad neighborhood by any means, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad people out and about. What if some creep had found him?

His grandmother seemed nice enough... I'm doing my best not to think bad thoughts about her, I really really and truly am. Should I have called someone? Leave me comments and make me feel better... everything is okay, but I have this residual panic that I can't seem to shake...

Me and my delayed emotional reactions...

To dogs!

No, Benny, to you!

Dance, dance, wherever you may be!

This might take me forever, because I will want it to be very accurate... it's teh character that's gonna get me... In other news, it is a beautiful beautiful beautiful day, and I, for one, will not be spending the whole time on the computer. We took some great photos today... I am well pleased. Church was alright. I don't know if Easter is just not as exciting at St. Joseph's anymore because of the music or if I just liked it more when I was younger. I hope it's not as exciting, becuase that means it could once again become the celebration it is supposed to be. Lunch was amazing... I'm full, stuffed even, but not bursting... just pefect.

I might go lay on the trampoline for a bit... wanna come?


1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you what song/movie/book/fictional character reminds me of you.

3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. Or at least me.

4. I'll tell you my favorite memory of you.

5. I'll tell you what animal or plant of which you remind me.

6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

7. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven-- with a gun."

Looking at him, High Eagle spoke. "I see that you are still the Man of Two Places. It is too bad. I ask you to see my death, for when you were little I told you it is important to know how to die well."

What I really wanna say, I can't define.

Additions to that schedule I just gave you! I'm at the Florence library returning some books. One of them is The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss, and the other is Slater's Book by James Wyckoff. I enjoyed them both. I'm gonna check out some more books today. Another thing I forgot to mention: I might go to Mass tonight. Maybe. I should.

I went to Dr. Robertson's office, but he wasn't there... none of the sociology professors were in. Drat. I think I'ma go get my passport picture redone because I don't like the one I have. Vanity? Yes. But I'm going to have this picture for ten years, so it might as well be a good one. I know, I know... it's pitiful, and a waste of ten bucks.

See a secret; share a secret.

I just ordered A Softer World, PostSecret, and some animal comment that was kinda funny that you can order with A Softer World. I'm glad I ordered this stuff, because I really want it. I'm trying to waste my money on things I really want and not impulse buys or fast food. I haven't eaten fast food during Lent unless it was a concious, pre-mediated decision, and I think I'm going to continue that. A lot of times I see, therefore I want, and a couple dollars here and there adds up fast.

I'm about to go get a drop slip from my sociology professor; I'm quite nervous. Nothing to be done about it, though. Then I'm headed to Sheffield to get my birth certificate, then to Tuscumbia to visit the courthouse so I can get my passport. After that I might go to the park; Dad's taking his middle school there this afternoon. I might bring Bosco and Bella. They'd like that.

I wanted to tell you last night about Monday. Waking with William and Harris from the little park down the street back up to their house, we were greated with the smell of spring time. There have been flowers blooming for a while now, but that was the first time I'd been really assaulted with it this year, and it was wonderful. In other seasonal news, there is a great green green tree out our balcony; it's the most vibrant full grown tree I've ever seen.

I'm so excited... I'm so excited... I'm so... I'm so... I'm so scared...

Oh man... Saved by teh Bell on Adult Swim? This may be the most exciting news ever. No, I don't like the idea of them showing a non-cartoon. But for this, I can make an exception. :-p

I spent this morning at the park with William and Harris. We had a moment of magic under the gazebo. When we first walked on the bridge to the main part, we saw a turtle-- a big turtle! It was very exciting... so we fed him some bread. We watched him for a good give minutes before walking towards the middle, and there were hundreds of turtles! Maybe not hundreds... there were seven, though. It was beautiful. I've never seen so many turtles just hanging out like that.

I know there was something else I wanted to tell you, but now I can't remember. I might be back later. :)

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this.

This chick is worth checking out: www.nallforgovernor.com Here's what the email I got said;

"Vote Nall Y'all!

On November 7th, 2006, Loretta Nall is running in Alabama's race for governor. Why should you care? Well, she's pretty much a badass Libertarian who doesn't wear panties and she supports the legalization of gambling and marijuana, opposes gun control and the war in Iraq, and she wants to institute a check-box style governing system to let voters decide how their tax money is spent."

I'm not sure that I agree with everything she says, but I agree with a lot of it. Does she really have a chance at winning? Probably not. But you never know... I'm posting this on three different forums... maybe we'll get those 18-24 year old votes in for a change... If nothing else, she'll be different than any governor we've had before... check out the site, see what you think. Karen... don't even look at her site. Just pretend I didn't post this. ;)

I have much more to tell you about today, but now it is time for me to go to work at Grace Church. I will tell you about my hot boy moment yesterday...

I was stopped at the light on Wood at the intersection with Hermitage. I turn left, go down the hill, and BAM! Mr. Incredible walks down his front porch steps and across the lawn. He had curly black hair on his head and chest. He was scruffy. He was rippppped (like Jesus). He was holding a shirt he was about put on. He was wearing blue jeans. I almost wrecked the car.

Just throw a party in my name...

Man... I slept from 10 until 8:15... that was nice. I know I know, I'll still be tired around 3 o'clock, but I don't care. Right now I feel well-rested. I slept through phone calls and messages... I musta been out.

I got some pepermint sticks this weekend for William. I forgot to get lemons, though. I'll have to remember them for Friday. Did you ever do that? Put pepermint sticks in lemons and suck the juice out?

I'ma go eat some oatmeal before I leave for work. Yippee!

The African guy's a sign, right?

I got my little sister today! She was very talkative and sweet and I'm really excited about this coming year. It's gonna be fun... I hope. It's gonna be difficult, too, I think, so kindly keep me in your prayers. I'm nervous but very happy.

I worked at the day care tonight for a few hours. It wasn't bad. It was fun before nap time... it always suprises me to find that I really am good with kids. I mean, I know it, sure, but there are moments of clarity where I don't just know it, I think it and feel it. Reading to them last night and last night was fun...

I will not have televisions in my car. Ever. EVEREVEREVER. If one day I decide that I want TVs in my car because it will keep the kids entertained on long trips, please remind me of this post. Also remind me of this post if I ever think about getting my kids cell phones before they are 15. Emergencies. Bullshit. I want to be the kind of mother who knows where my kids are and who they are with, and if there is an emergency, I will know that the parent is going to be calling me. I know how easy it is to let your teenager arrange rides and whatnot, but I don't want that. I don't. And I know I know I know how hard it's going to be to stick by this when my kids are actually here and I'm a tired mother, but someone give me a nudge. I don't want that.

I got my passport photo today. It's pretty ugh, but it could be worse. I guess that's me for the next ten years!

Wait... they don't love you like I love you.

Belinda just called... I haven't been off work an hour and now I'm headed to Kid Safari. Arg.

Lacey's not feeling well, and Belinda has class on Monday and Wednesday night. I don't feel like going. But. Of course there is a but. Two, actually... for one, they need somebody... for another, I don't really have anything else to do. I was going to spend an unproductive evening here at home, but it would be just that: unproductive. I would probably waste time online and watch seven episodes of Queer as Folk or something. It's good that I'm going.

Other things that are good? These new panini from lean cuisine... This one is chicken, spinach, and mushroom, and it is amazing. I can't say that about most lean cuisines. This is really really good though. The other day I had a steak, cheese, and mushroom one... also excellent. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new favorite.

I love Winnie-the-Pooh.

She tapped her finger & nothing happened & she thought she had lost her magic...

...but it had only changed & it took her awhile to figure it out.

It's a motherfucker how much I understand.

So last night was ridiculously uneventful, but I suppose those nights are bound to happen.

I didn't realize how much damage had been done until I drove here to my parents house about an hour ago... creation, destruction, creation, destruction...

I got here to see Meagan... man, she is beautiful. Beautiful. Graham is wearing tails... he'll be picking up Diane in about half an hour... they are going to be so so so amazingly cute. I'm very excited. In fact, everyone is pretty excited as far as I know.

I'm babysitting tonight... I got a message saying they want me at five, but I'm not going in until six. I tried to call and let them know, but they didn't answer and their voicemail is full. Oh, well.

I remember taking pictures for prom. Junior year I went with Neil, and he was more nervous than any boy has ever been. He was really sweet. I'm glad I went with him. Senior year with Micah, and that was so much fun... life was so good. I wouldn't go re-live it, but I wouldn't mind visiting that period in my life again. I understand why they say high school is the best time of your life. I don't agree, because that would leave me damn little to look forward to, and besides, I've grown in a million different ways since high school. I miss the carelessness some, and I miss the innocence a lot, but... life is better. I'm better.

:-)

Funny, I always thought it was I who wanted to be more like you...

She is self-conscious because everyone

knows she has wings but they've never seen her fly.

Now & then there will be a feather in odd places or

maybe a footprint to show she was there.

All in all, she thinks it's nobody else's business

what she does with her free time.

It seems that everything I try to do, nothing seems to turn out right.

Here at the Tomlinson's early this morning... these boys are so cute.

Last night was great... my family is great... Jessica and I hung out over on Park Blvd. and ate steaks and squash and broccoli and smoked cigars and had, in my opinion, a pleasant evening.

Wednesday night was spent in the company of Lance, Jonathan, Thomas, and Jennifer as we traveled to the fair city of Atlanta to watch Death Cab for Cutie. It was wonderful... they were so fun to watch. The car ride was fun, too. I'll have to tell you more about it later.

In general, though, life is just falling down around me, and I don't know how to stop it. Whenever I'm not with people I feel this overwhelming lack of drive. School is going horribly this semester; I'm dropping my sociology class. I'm doing okay in Government and in Music Appreciation. I'm not doing well in Social Work.

In addition to this, I'm now facing an incredible disappointment in one of my friends, which I probably don't need right now on top of all this other emotional turmoil. It's a risk you run, I suppose.

Life is to sweet for such sad journal entries.

You'll try and try and one day you'll fly...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Two summers with the Delinski's
2. Two summers with Jordan
3. Kid Safari
4. Tomlinson's

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. I Heart Huckabees
2. Garden State
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Brokeback Mountain

Four places I have lived:
1. On York Circle, in Sheffield
2. On Park Blvd. in Sheffield
3. Birmingham
4. Florence

Four shows I love to watch:
1. The Waltons
2. Any Day Now
3. Happy Days
4. Will and Grace

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Anna Maria Island
2. Destin
3. Gatlinburg
4. Virginia Beach

Four websites I visit daily:
1. livejournal
2. myspace
3. facebook
4. someeloquentgraffiti.blogspot

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mom's spagehtti
2. Bread
3. Cotton Candy Blast ice cream
4. Seseme Chicken


Four places I would rather be right now:
1. There's no place in the world
2. I'd rather be
3. Than here in my room,
4. dreaming about you and me...

Everybody knows it hurts to grow up.

And you're so much like me... I'm sorry.

I been in the right place, but it musta been the wrong time.

This is the third day in a row I've woken up with a headache; it's almost like a hang-over headache... nothing intense, just dull pain... no, I haven't been drinking before bed.

I have the wierdest dream. I can't even begin to describe the one I had last night , but I will tell some of the key elements: People involved were my dad, Lindsey, Meagan, Jessica, Meaghan, Andrew, Andrew's cousin Jessica (except her name was Brandi in the dream), Leon, Leon's new girlfriend, Matt Oliver, and some boy I don't know. Locations included a huge hotel, my dad's truck, a giant outdoor assembly at an all-girl's Catholic school, an after-church assembly, and an indoor football stadium. Events included Lindsey and I almost getting arrested, everyone loosing each other constantly, Dad ramsacking people's hotel rooms (a la Lockpick Pornography), a lot of running and being lost and being confused and being frustrated.

I couldn't make this kinda stuff up.

The other night I had a dream that had Bill Cosby, Whoopi Goldberg, and a huge gorrilla in the same scene... other key players included Terri, Jessica, Terri's friend (in the dream) with a crimson beard, and Johnny Depp... most of the dream took place in what was supposed to be Lacey R.'s living room, although she was never actually present.

Who needs drugs? Seriously...

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire...

I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of the weather
Left there to drown...
Left there to drown in their innocence.

They say we're young and we don't know; we won't find out until we grow.

Hi, Grace here live from Bungalow 12.

What's that?

Oh yes, I said it... Bungalow 12. We are connected.

We are connected.

I love music... that's my favorite thing about having the internet... I'ma download so much music...

In closing, IM my away message because I will actually get them.

Yay!

It took me a long time, she said, to stop confusing safety with love.

I love the story people. So much.

I get off in less than two hours! Yay! I'm ready to go home.

I'm ready for summer.

I'm ready for something. Change. Something. Fast.

Ugh... I refuse to write any more pathetic blogs.

When I read this in a few years, I want to remember happy.

You will look and you'll find what you've been missing...

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	used to be sweets... now... bacon, maybe? REAL bacon, by the by... none of that turkey mess.	Not much to explain... it's bacon! It's the most fantastic meat product there is! It's good on sandwiches or with eggs or in salads or by itself... it's good microwaved or fried or pre-packaged.
Literary:	V.C. Andrews	I really get into her books, but I also think she is pretty twisted. All her plots are pretty much the same. All her characters are pretty much the same. But still... once I pick up a book, I can't put it down.
Audiovisual:	Anything of the Will Ferrel/Ben Stiller group or the Adam Sandler group.	I know, I know, these movies are dumb. They are. Most of them; not all of them, but most of them. But come on... they are also freaking hilarious! How can you not laugh?
Musical:	Anything Pop	Yeah yeah, I find myself singing along. I don't listen to much BSB or *NSYNC, but I'll sing a Brittney tune every now and again...
Celebrity:	Bianca Beauchamp	She's not so much a celebrity as she is a really hot porn star. Look her up. I really love Vince Vaughn, John Stewart, Maggie Gyllenhal, Jake Gyllenhal... this list could go on for a good long time.

I got tagged twice, so there it is. :)

I have to go finish cleaning, now. William's out with Rosario, and Harris is asleep.

It's a nice day... I have to go by Comcast and the Court House and UNA when I get off... jeez.

The Box Children, by Sharon Wyse.

Sometimes I come to places inside where it feels like a memory should be but instead there is just a hole, a place that feelings I am having right now can fall into.

I wonder what I will remember from now when I am old...

I hope I remember the smell that always comes right before rain. I don't know what makes it. It can't be the smell of water because once the rain starts, the smell stops. It can't be dirt or trees getting wet because they don't smell like that after the rain when they are still wet. I think it's the clouds, in teh moment when they are so heavy they have to let everything go. When I smell it I get hopeful.

I hope I remember rhow tornadoes churn and boil pinkish-green, then go black and take whatever they want.

I hope I remember the nights when there are so many stars that I could never count them all even if I started now and kept going until I'm too old to remember. My brother told me that some of them are so far away that by the time their light gets to me, the stars could be dead already. I wouldn't know it until years and years later. I'd be standing out here enjoying dead stars. Will it happen that one night a star I'm looking for will be gone because it died way before I was born? Or maybe it's a slower thing, just fading away little by little. I might not even notice.




I highly recommend this book. It was pretty sad, but it left you hopeful. The main character is vaguely reminiscent of the narrators of The Perks of Being a Wallflower and even The Catcher in the Rye, to a lesser extent.

I also just finished reading The Swiss Family Robinson. I recommend that, too... it's a little harder to get through because of the language, but it's a really truly charming book. I don't know if I've ever read anything that made me think "charming" and really mean it before.

I'm on the way to the day care... my last night, I believe, for this stint of subbing...

This isn't my mom, though...

Things would be different...

If I was a spider princess, she said, I would

spin webs the color of sky & catch drops of sunlight
to give to children who watch too much TV & then

everyone would remember to come outside to play.
If I was a spider princess, she said, things would be different.

Don't go lovin' on nobody but me.

Today has been fun. I arrived at the Tomlinson's at nine so Rosario and Stephen could head over to the children's museum and prepare for the party, then I brought the kids around 10.

There were several kids there, most of them distant cousins of mine, apparently. I made balloon animals, which seemed to impress the parents more than the kids, at first anyway. They ended up being a big hit, though... William popped one and hurt his hand towards the end... it was pretty pitiful.

I think he had a great time; they did a good job with the party. I spent most of my time with Harris, which was fun... he's so precious.

I wonder if I'll show Harris and William this one day when they're my age now. When William's 20, I'll be 37. Oh man... I immediately wish I hadn't typed that. Ugh. Anyway... I hope I'm still a part of their lives then. I mean, I probably won't be, in all honesty, and I don't mean that in a depressing way, but I imagine once I stop working for them we'll lose most contact... still... it's nice to think about.

Lindsey and Meagan came over last night... very fun, I assure you. My sisters are sofa king amazing.

I won a bike! That's still pretty exciting.

In other news...

Nope, I guess that's it.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die.

Here this now: I will always come for you.

But how can you be sure?

This is true love! You think this happens every day?

I think it's fly when the girls stop by for the summer.

I'm going to finish this social work assignment tonight. I am going to finish this social work assignment tonight. I am going to start my sociology assignment tonight, too. I am. I have to.

Here's hoping I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Did I tell you I almost fell asleep on the way home the other night? I'd been at my parent's house on the computer and then I decided to go home. I had just crossed the bridge and was coming to the light where you can turn onto Veteran's Drive. I felt the car start bumping and I jerked out of a stupor. I thought I'd hit the wall. I didn't realize I hadn't until I got home and there was absolutely no damage to the car. Falling asleep... that's something I would yell at one of my friends for. I had no idea that was gonna happen though, or I would have just spent the night in Sheffield. Scary.

Jessica and Meaghan and I played Scene-It tonight, along with helpful hints from O'Brian... I won! Complete fluke of course, since I'm "movie-retarded." Still, it was really fun...

Meaghan burned me a cd which kicks all kinds of ass. You have no idea. Graham gave me the first of the Narnia books on cd today to borrow, so it's in the car... huzzah!

I subbed at the day care... it was so nice. I got jumped by the kids. Literally. It was pretty ridiculous. It was fun, though. The school-agers especially made me feel wanted. I even had a parent give me a hug. I also found out Sheila wants me back. Suckah. And also, oh hell no. :)

I have my own life, and I am stronger than you know.

I got off work early so I could catch up on some school work... so here I am, working diligently.

Yesterday was pretty blah, but last night was nice. Very cathartic, I think. Nothing beats a night of drunken depression, now does it? Seriously... after the miserable day, it was nice. Jessica and I made some fun drinks then retired to the porch to smoke and talk and sing, and then O'Brian joined us, and we laughed and talked and cried until the wee hours of the morning... erm... like 11:15. Whatever. We started drinking at 7, so it felt really late. Then we started watching Derailed, which Jessica and I had seen at the $1.50... we went to bed pretty early into it, though (except O'Brian... I think he stayed up to finish it). All in all... nice. I love Jessica and O'Brian.

Did I tell you I won a bike?!??

Well, I did... random drawing at the GUC at UNA... pretty sweet, huh?

Here. Read these.

Lovers forever, face to face.
My city or mountains- stay with me, stay.
I need you to love me.
I need you today.
Give to me your leather
Take from me my lace...

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.

Allow me to be frank at the commencement: You will not like me.

The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now, and you will like me a good deal less as we go on.

Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time.

That is not a boast or an opinion; it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round, you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it.

Don't.

It is a deal of trouble for you, and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats.

Gentlemen, do not despair... I am up for that as well.

And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag- and later you will shag- I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down- I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me. how it is for me, and ponder: 'Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining , livelong moment.'

That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty-- you were not expecting that, I hope.

I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester, and I do not want you to like me.

Surely that's not to much to ask?

Because waiting on love ain't so easy to do...

What an eventful morning... I ran out of gas on the way to school, so O'Brian had to rescue me. Now I reek of gasoline... ugh. I went up to go to my first class, but I decided to skip it because I wasn't going to pay attention anyway. I think I have some stuff due in my social work class today, but I'm not sure, and I can't find the assignment anyway. This is maddening.

A relationship away from the computer would be nice. (No offense to my online friends!) Then again, I don't know where I get off wanting Mr. Right to show up on my doorstep when Lord knows I don't have the time, energy, or even desire to some extent to pursue anything real right now. Oh gag, that sounds so pathetic... well, so be it. This is my official 15 year old sob-story blog, and you will just have to deal with that. :) Anyway, the point is, I'm tired of not having a significant other. So there.

I've realized I say "anyway" much to much in my posts. That's gonna have to stop.

I'm changing my spring break plans. Lance, if you read this on here before I call you, I'm sorry. :( Here's the thing, though... I'm not working this summer because I'm going to be gone most of it. I have a couple weeks between the first Florida trip and Honduras with nothing planned, though, so I think I'm going to visit Grandma in Virginia then. This is actually best for several reasons: 1. I'll be able to work over the break and save up the money I'm going to need for this summer's ventures. 2. I'll be able to fly back with Grandma, probably, because she'll be coming down for Graham's graduation. 3. I need to fill that space in June because the only way I'm going to be able to afford this summer o' travel is if other people feed me. I have enough in savings that I can get everywhere I need to go; I just need meals provided for once I get there. :-D

Other randomness...

I have a headache; it's most likely from the gasoline.

Vanessa gets on my damn nerves.

I think Sebastian is kinda cute.

The cop this morning was an asshole.

Don't tell anyone one or you'll be just another regret.

Because Terri tagged me, you about to become privy to six weird things about me. I'm supposed to tag six others, but I hereby tag anyone who reads my blog, and let's just hope that's at least six people, lest my fragile ego be shattered.

1. I have a few... several... a lot of obsessive compulsive habits. I don't like to have the television volume on an odd number. I hate hate hate walking on brick paths unless I'm walking in the same direction or perpendicular to them. When walking on a lined floor, I usually avoid lines and I don't even realize it. I call these things habits, not official compulsions, though, because if I'm distracted and don't notice what I'm doing, these things don't bother me... they just really really annoy me when I do realize them.

2. I dream people (especially friends and family) die alllll the time. It's never a very normal scene, although it always feels real in the dream. I think I dream someone I love dies at least once a week.

3. I personify everything. When I was little, I wouldn't throw away toys because I felt bad. I would play with toys I didn't like so they wouldn't have hurt feelings. I still personify everything. Every time I walk through the storage area of the basement at my parents house I honestly tear up. I feel so very very sad and sorry for all the dolls that aren't being played with... I think they're lonely.

4. I really believe in a sixth sense. I think it's an evolutionary trait that hasn't been fully developed in most people yet. I don't think this means some people can see into the future or the past or talk to your sad dog about his relationship issues. I don't believe this comes from God or Satan anymore than the other five senses do. Anyway, weird thing number four about me: I get these weird premonition types feelings. Almost never about anything important, which is disappointing... in fact, it's quite useless. Regardless, it's there... ask me for examples if you want; just laugh if you're rather.

5. I want a dozen kids. That's pretty weird, huh? Seriously...

6. I like to think of my life as a novel I'm reading sometimes. I look at the things I've done and the things I'm doing, and I wonder if it would make an interesting read. Most days, the answer is yes, actually. I think my life would be a pretty decent book. Other days, I feel like none of the days events could even be stretched into a short story. Some day's, that's okay... I think if I ever find that there are days on end that would bore me to read about, I'm going to sell everything and move to Mexico. No, really.

You've had a busy day today.

I forgot to mention earlier that I saw oodles of people on campus today, all in the span of 10 minutes. First I saw Melissa Green from high school, then April who also used work at Kid Safari, then Chelsea who still works at Kid Safari (and as a sidenote her fiance who used to work there, but I didn't really know him that well), then Brian our next door neighbor, then Terri, my soulmate. What's going on here? I never see ANY of these people. Anyway, it was nice; seeing Terri was especially wonderful.

We're about to make the trek to Birmingham, then tomorrow I head to Nashville... ugh... but yay for the Libertine! And YAY for seeing people in Birmingham!

I absolutely must go to the doctor soon and find out why I'm so tired all the time. It's been suggest that I need to take vitamins, that I have an iron deficiency or perhaps that illusive disease that Lindsey has that apparently runs in our family, or, most recently, a thyroid problem. Anyway... I should really get on that. I'll probably keep putting it off, though... pressure me... please? :-p

I am a golden god!

I watched Almost Famous last night. I'd seen it before, but it was several years ago. I actually didn't intend to stay up and watch it; I dunno why I bother trying to get plenty of sleep, though. I'm tired regardless. Anyway, before that Christian came over and I watched her create and detroy her sim... several times... it was amusing.

I did stay up because it was so great... that kid... he might even beat Daniel Radcliff in the Illegal Sexcapades list I keep that you don't know about. No, he DOES win. But that's not why I liked the movie... it's just a really good movie. In other news, I'm going to jack my dad's record player and start listening to records now. No, seriously. I think that would be fun. I can't wait.

I am different from all the men I have seen. If I am not better, at least I am different.

So says Jean Jacques Rousseau. I love it.

I think I'm changing majors again. English. Thought about it after talking to Lindsey, although my reasons are a little different than what she discussed. I really just wanna be out of school, and I should be able to finish up an English degree with less hassle. Also in my intro. to Social Work class we've been talking about adoption and foster care and things of that nature. I want to be a foster parent, and I know I'm always going to be involved with various programs like Special Session and the like... I think I would rather help through that than through the government... not that I dislike the g'ment or anything... but I think I'd be better at just giving where I can.

Anyway, I don't know how I'm going to make money if all my charity works are going to be donated time instead of paid profession, and there's really not any job specifically for English majors... eh... I'll go back to school eventually. I'll probably end up being a teacher. The more I find myself trying to vere away from that path, the more it appeals to me. That'll change as soon as I start working towards it, though, I'm sure.

Oh, me.

Just the claps... just the claps...

Soooo tired...

I waste way to much gas driving to my parents house to check emails that aren't there. Does this mean I need internet at home? Maybe. Mostly it just means I need to chill, yo. Thanks for the comments, by the by... you all made me very happy. :-D I do love this whole internet thing... it's kinda cool... I guess it might just stay around, although my guess it won't be so popular come 2008. Kidding, of course. Seriously... I'm so glad I have some sort of medium to keep in touch with all you fine folks.

Christian's coming over to watch a movie tonight. Huzzah! Then tomorrow night Jessica and I are going to Birmingham to watch The Libertine. Anyone wanna come? Noel? Should be exhausting fun! :-D

So when I said I was gonna update more, I guess I meant I would just update a whole bunch today. Just kidding. I will update more, I will, I will! I do believe in fairies, I do, I do! I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!

She dreams she's dancing...

I didn't realize how much I missed tears until several weeks ago. I used to cry at sad people and happy movies and hopeful songs. Then I stopped. Not intentionally... I just wasn't touched. Even when I wanted to cry, I didn't. Anyway, something I guess clicked, and the drought is over, thankfully. I know this doesn't make much sense, but that's okay... I've been meaning to write this down for a while, so this isn't some new revelation or anything.

I'm going to start blogging more... I have so much I want to say and remember, but I keep putting it off. I don't like looking back and seeing empty pages on the calender.

Gulity pleasure? Honkytonk Badonkadonk. I don't even know how to spell that.

I love the Homestarrunner. He is an okay guy.

Hi, my name is Bruce Dickinson. Yes, THE Bruce Dickinson.

I'm going through all my myspace friends... exciting? Eh... time to comment like a bandit!

What I really want to do is listen to people's profile songs... I'm going to make a list of the ones here that I like so I can download them soon... or get someone to download them for me, rather. :-/

Also changed my top 8... all people I've never met. Exciting much? Of course.

In other news, you livejournal suckahs never comment except Karen mostly. I guess just my friends on myspace love me. Are you going to take that, LJers? Oh man... I need a life.

Music!

Tilly and the Wall
Robert Earl Keen (actually been meaning to him anyway, since Auburn with Jen)
Michael Warren

I'm tired of myspace... I have to many friends on there... I actually know almost all of them, too... and some I'm going to meet soon... anyway, I'll look for more music potential later.

I'm watching the Cowbell Skit right now."Listen, guys, I put my on just like the rest of you, one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records."

I'm at the library. I returned The Catcher in the Rye and I'm bringing home The Swiss Family Robinson and The Box Children. Yay!

Can you take me where you're going...

...if you're never coming back?

I took a picture that I don't like to look at.

I have a suggestion for all of you: Next time you get the chance, pick up a baby and spin around until you're both dizzy. Then put him down, hold his hands, and enjoy the ensuing bouts of unfettered and innocent laughter.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel just before they go out on that last big job that ends up getting them all killed.

That is to say, optimistic.

Snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch.

Happy Fat Tuesday, everyone! Lent starts tomorrow, and I'm so very excited! I think I'm more excited this year than ever before... not for the coming weeks, so much, as for the celebration at the end. It's usually one of my favorite services of the year. I am actually excited about the forty days to come, though. For those of you who don't know, the weeks before Easter are spent in self-sacrifice and abstinence. I didn't understand why that was important until a few years ago. Now I enjoy the opportunityto do without. I think it's important to step away from some of the superfluous things for a little bit. I don't think we should live like that all the time; I certainly have no intentions of joining a nunnery any time soon. ;) BUT, I do think it's cleansing to "put to rout all that [is] not life," if you will.

That aside, let me tell you about this past week. Thursday night I spent with the Tomlinson's, and it was fantastic, even though I stayed up much later than I should have. It was a pretty normal night with the kids, and they both went to sleep before 8. I talked to Britni for a while, which (obviously) made me feel special. Then Jessica came over and we played around online and watched some much needed Homestarrunner and ate dinner. I experimented with the jacuzzi, and it was somewhat disastrous, but it eventually filled and I had a nice warm bath in a huge tub. When I finally got out I got online and talked to Karen, and I think I slept better because of it. ;)

Friday morning the kids were great... I was worried that they'd be all a-panic with their parents gone, but they were absolutely fine, and we had French toast, and then Vanessa and Susanna showed up at 9 and I went on home to do laundry and clean and shower and the, onto the Marriott, where I found Lynn and Andrew and various other folks that I didn't even know I'd see (like Andrew Cotton and Virginia and Kee and Jeanie). Oh, and Graham was there, which was great, and the booth was wonderful, and it was all very grand, and then Jen and Lauren got there, improving an already sterling group. :-D

I had to go sub at Kid Safari from four to six, which was also fun. We played outside the whole time I was there, and the kids all ran up and hugged me and loved on me and overall: wonderful. Then I met Lynn and Andrew and Jen and Lauren and Lindsey at my grandmother's, where we had gumbo-- very appropriate for a group of Special Session counselors. :) Then everyone but Lynn and Grandmomma came to the apartment and we hung out there for a bit before returning to my grandmother's for coffee and liquor and desert. Huzzah! Then Andrew and Lindsey spent the night with me, and that, too, was great great fun.

There's only so much step by step posting I can do at one time, so, even though I ache to tell you all about Saturday and Sunday, it will have to wait, because I need to look up lyrics or storypeople or something less blasé . Also! We must must must get internet soon, because there is many-a-band that I need to download, including the Format and Something Corporate.

I can put down roots pretty quickly in the face of radical change, she said.

I was listening to a James Taylor song yesterday, and this lyric popped out: "Oh Mexico, sounds so simple I just got to go." Not much. Not a long piece, and not especially profound, but it has thrown me into a tizzy, if you will.

Do you ever think about doing just that? Just... leaving? I think about it all the time. I'm not unhappy with my life by any means, or dissatisfied... I just think it'd be wonderful... but it really can't be that simple, can it? You can't live on nothing, and even if I sold everything I own, I don't think the money would last me long. And there aren't really affordable condos on deserted beaches just waiting for me to arrive, and just because I decide it's time for a foreign romance doesn't mean that Don Juan is going to come walking along the shores to sweep me away.

But still... there's this fear that it really is that simple, that all the logic against it isn't logic at all. Sometimes I think logic is just a code word for excuse made up by those who missed the chance...

There's no place I could be without you.

I had a Political Science test today... that was a fun suprise at 8 this morning. I think I faired well, though, especially considering I don't have a book. I got back two exams today: Social Work (84) and Music Appreciation (86). Not bad considering the study time, or lack thereof, I devoted to the subjects. I was the only person in the class to get one of the bonus questions in Music. It was about the story of Daphne and Apollo, and that kinda blows me away... I knew that story before I even got in the class... I loved hearing it again... what is wrong with people?

We're watching Amaedaus in class right now... I really do love that movie. We watched it in Humanities years ago... so funny. I appreciate it a lot more now, I think. In news that is only slightly off-topic, I have been looking online for some music that we had when I was little. It was a set of four cassette tapes, and it contained four differnent stories: Mr. Back Comes to Call, Beethoven Lives Upstairs, Mozart's Magic Fantasy, and Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery. I would really love to find a set featuring these four, but it's proving pretty difficult. I've found several sites advertising "Classical Kids," which seems to be the manufacturer, but they all have two different sets, one including two of those and a third composer, and the other doing the same, at $35 per set. I did find one set including all four, but it was over fifty bucks, and it didn't include many details before purchasing, and I want to make sure I'm getting the stories, not just music. I also have this mental image of the picture on one of the covers (I believe the Mozart one) in my head, so I've kinda been on the lookout for that. The problem, of course, is memory... while I certainly remember this picture being on one of the cassette tapes, I'm not sure that it's a real memory... it was such a long time ago that it could be something I've just conjured up or some picture I just began to associate with the set.

Anyway, I'm going to splurge on this set soon. I really want it.

I have two books I ordered offline that should be on their way to the parent's house soon. One is called Lockpick Pornography, and one fothe authors is Joey Comneau, who writes the A Softer World commics. That's very very exciting. I've read exercts from all the chapters, and I can't wait for the book in its entirety. The other is The Real Diary of a Real Boy, and I'm nervous and excited about it. My dad has an original copy of the sequal, which was published in 1904, and it's amazing to read and feel and smell the old old print; the copy I ordered must be from a second edition, because it was printed in 1915 or so, but I still think Dad will enjoy it... anyway, I'm very excited.

I was thinking about volunteering at a nursing home sometime soon. Anyone wanna join me? I may not, but I think it would be fun. I could go on Sunday afternoons or Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. We'll see.

I made the very first Neopolitan last night. It was beautiful.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round.

She turned to me & whispered, don't you just love it when you get so excited you forget to breathe?

---

& the thought of her smiling eyes still makes me laugh.

Fits my life... oh so right...

Oh, my. Harris and William are running in circles around the dinning room table. They've been at it for at least ten minutes. Harris, who is about 13 months, is dizzy, I think, because he keeps falling and laughing; William's falling some, too, and now he's switched directions. They're so funny.

Last night Jessica and I went out and got cocktail shakers! It's very very exciting, and we made some very exciting cocktails last night, with the help of our trusty bartender, O'Brian. It was fun. I have a big bruise on my leg though. :( OH, I also borrowed the Sims Unleashed from my grandmother's house, and then we got Hot Date, Vacation, and Making Magic... toooo much fun.

Yesterday after keeping the nursery I went to Grandmomma's, where we had dinner! It was fantastic. Mom and Dad and Graham came out, and Grandma, who is visiting, which makes me oooooh so happy. I love her very very much. Uncle Keith and Katie and Nancy were also out; they're getting so big and grown-up and pretty! It was fun. We had stuffed mushrooms... yesss... and mamosas and wine... I love my family. I love my grandmothers.

Saturday Jessica and I went shopping, and I got two hats, two shirts, a pair of pants, and a skirt for like 35 bucks. I'm wearing my purple plazzo pants and my Bob Marley shirt right now. I've lost seven pounds in the last couple weeks, and it was really great because my family all noticed and O'Brian noticed and all in all: Hurray! Also I've been going to the tanning bed and whitening my teeth, and I've been exercising a lot... yay for self-improvement!

Thursday night Jessica, O'Brian, and I went to see the Vagina Monologues at UNA; they did a really good job. Parts of it were hilarious, parts were depressing, and some of it was just pretty disgusting, but not necessarily in a bad way. Overall, I really liked it.

Lindsey turned 19 Saturday; if you haven't wished her a very merry birthday yet, do so. Now. She's on facebook, myspace, and blogspot. So do it.

His friends were earned, and not a penny saved.

His friends were earned, and not a penny saved.I have a slight headache. Hopefully it will go away soon. This weekend was fun...I babysat Friday night, and then went home to enjoy some merriment with J-Money, O'Bizzle, Lance, and Jonathan. Umm, we need more nicknames. Anyway, we decided to go to Walmart on a midnight run for Crabs. That was quite exciting. Quite. The night, overall, was fun. Having one of the boys pee on our bathroom floor, however, was not.
:)

Saturday I met Meaghan in Huntsville, and then we went on to meet Dr. J at the Birmingham Art Museum. M-dawg had a class, so we went with her; it was nice. I usually prefer just wandering around aimlessly, but it's good to go on tours sometimes, too, because you learn a lot more. I liked it. After a failed attempt to meet with friends at the mall (too little time, too little notice), we decided to go to Styx, which was fantastic. Yay for Hibaci grill!!! It was so much fun. We hit a really bag blizzard on the way home... it was like running into a wall of snow. I've never been in snow that thick; not in a house or outside or in a car... it was quite exciting. It was so beautiful, too. Oh, and dangerous. Driving in that was pretty dangerous. We survived, though! :-D

Sunday I kept the nursery and Grandmomma and I went to Doublehead for brunch. We went to the buffet, and it was really nice, and I liked the lodge a lot. After that I went to the parent's house to have cake and ice cream for Lindsey's birthday. Hurray! She's going to be.. she's going to be 19 Saturday. I... I don't know how to assimilate this information, so I'll have to just move on now. I forgot, I also saw her and her friends Saturday night. They're all great, of course. Oh! I also went to BAM Saturday night and got "The Catholic School Girl's Guide to Sex." It's a great read. ;)

Unpaid tuition = I've withdrawn from all my class. Didn't know that... so I guess that's no good. In better news: I had my Big Brothers Big Sisters interview last night!!! I'm so very very excited! It's going to be a lot of fun... they'll have to run background checks and whatnot before they can match me up, but it shouldn't take to long... this is the third check I've had done on me. Dag. Other great news: I'm going to Anna Maria this summer!!#$!##$%&*&($^&(#^$~!!!! Family vacation 2006! Hurray! I loooove the beach, and I looooove Anna Maria, and I loooove my family. Huzzah!

Here is an email I recieved today.

Hi.

We are an upscale massage service based in Huntsville. Our clients are carefully screened and are generally professional gentlemen. We are looking for ladies age 18-30 to see clients in the Florence area. The pay is generous with only limited hours required. Since money is exchanged is for companionship only, a massage license is not required and the business is legal. Anything beyond companionship is not required and is strictly between consenting adults. Tips are normally generous. If interested, please reply soon.

I can see why you think you belong to me.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind...

Today was a pretty good day. I worked from 9 until one or so at the Tomlinson's. After a stop home I called mom and then ran by Wal-mart and to the house to visit with her for a little bit. I stopped off at home to see Lance and Johnathan again after that, and here I am, back at the Tomlinson's. The boys are asleep. They are so sweet, and I think they grow more attached to me every day, which makes me happy.

I cried again when I went home about Mario... the last of a generation... I'm glad he's okay now. I remember reading a quote in one of Aunt Alice's many cat books that went something along the lines of "Heaven would not be Heaven without my cats." I like that. I agree. My dogs, too. And my snake.

I'm in search of something new to read. I finished series by Garth Nix borrowed from O'Brian not to long ago... I high reccomend it. I took The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling from Kid Safari. =-0 No worries... I'm subbing there at the end of the month, so I'll bring it back then. I'm almost finished. I'm going to get some fantasy or something next. I think I'm going to try and alternate between a classic work and a modern fantasy/fiction for a little while. I'm also in love with reading. I forget, sometimes, how much I love it.

And if it's all the same to you...

Well, it's been a depressing several days. Not all bad, but a few things have been fairly dismal. Tuesday night I went with Jessica, O'Brian, Meagan, Christian, and Chris to see Brokeback, which is sad, of course, although I didn't cry this time... just tears. *raises hand* We went to eat at Taco Bell afterwards (I got my food "Fresca" style, which was actually pretty good, and healthy, so yay). Then Meagan told me that they put Mario to sleep earlier that day. It hit me on the way home, so I went on the porch and had a good cry, and Jessica and O'Brian joined me, because they are the best friends anyone could ever wish for. Mario was preceded by his brother, Luigi, and their adopted sister, Perdida. We got those three at about the same time, which I think makes Mario's death a little bit more tragic... he was the last of a generation of pets, and his passing dredged up memories of Luigi and Perdida, making it all the more morose.

Last night was my last night at the day care. I'm on the sublist, which is nice... they've already booked me for one day at the end of this month, too. But it was sad. I didn't cry when I left, like I thought I would, but I think that's due in part to the numbness I felt after a conversation with Chris, whose eight. He asked about boyfriends and parents. He thought that when black people fight, they hit each other, and when white people fight, they don't. He honestly thought that's the way things worked. When I told him that wasn't true, he started asking if my dad hit my mom. I told him no, and he asked about the police and would they come if he did, and would I call the police if a man hit me. Chris didn't know what a marriage was. I said something about a married couple, and he honestly had no idea what that was. I tried to explain it, but he didn't understand the concept.
Later he asked if I'd ever seen anyone killed in front of me. I told him no, but I'd seen someone die, and I told him about Elsbie, which was sad enough to think about. He didn't know what cancer was. He knew about guns and robberies and domestic violence, but he had no knowledge of marriage or cancer. After he left his mother called back to ask about the fight he'd been in that day (before I got there). When I told her that the teachers had told me that he didn't started, she said "Good, 'cause I had told him that if anybody ever hit him he'd better hit back, or he'd be in trouble."
Overall, a depressing night.

I think it's neat how I ended up grieving for the daycare, though. When Chris's mother's boyfriend came to pick up the kids, he had to wake up Shania and Aquanzo, who are 3 and 4. They were both groggy and semi-crying, and I held them while the guy went to get their coats. Last night, I dreamed that I was holding Quanzo right after he'd woken up, and I couldn't stop crying. That's all I remember from last night-- a day care scene where I'm holding a little boy and crying. I even had a slight head-ache when I woke this morning, like I get after a good cry. But I don't feel very sad anymore... just kinda removed.

Jessica left me a note and some fruit snacks for when I got home, and a peppermint pattie (which I ate for breakfast ;), and those made me happy. I decided over the course of this week that I'm actually not going to apply to be a counselor at ASCAA this summer, for several reasons. I'd really like to spend the summer apartment living... I don't wanna give that up. I'm also thinking about taking some summer courses, though I don't know if I will or not. I'm also looking into getting some job experiences away from children and the mentally disabled, since those are my main concentrations. And camp will be there next year.

Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.

there came a moment in the middle of the song when he suddenly felt every heartbeat in the room & after that he never forgot he was part of something much bigger

I can't seem to get enough of the story people. I read a few new ones every time I get online, but I don't mind reading the old ones either. Brian Andreas = Amazing.

Brokeback Mountain has come to Florence, Alabama. Careful, we might just all burst into flames. Apparently this news was on the front page of the paper because some churches are protesting it. So... I guess thanks for the publicity. Losers.

Grandmomma and I went to Brinnley Brother's for lunch this afternoon. It was nice. I had four little girls in the nursery today... the first three to come in were Mary Morgan, Mae Beth, and Madelyn, and they were all in light pink dresses... precious. Then this little girl named Shelby came in, and she was in a cute pink outfit, too. Aww. Madelynn come to Kid Safari; it was neat to see her and her mom. She used to be one of my least favorite babies, but she's mellowed out-- she was probably fussy before because she was new.

I love feeling like I'm part of something bigger. That's one of the things that has always appealed to me about teaching, and it's one of the things that appeals to me about social work. I think about that when I pick up trash off the side of the road. I think about that when I donate blood. I think about that at the camps I do. I think about that at the day care. I think about that and I smile.

I'm your son from the future!!!

This has been a fantastic weekend... Birmingham trips are always fun.

Any time or place where you can walk into a room and be instantly and honestly hugged tight by about 15 people you love, and people who you can say, with confidence, love you, has got to make you feel a little of what heaven must be like. I love you guys.

I love variety, also.

I want so badly to believe...

he followed the sun & she followed

the stars & in dreams they listened closely

for the beginning of all things,

for that was where they knew they'd find each other

The days keep coming without fail.

I have a friend who reads people's auras. He sees all sorts of colors like green & red & purple. He says anyone can do it. All it takes is forgetting everything you think you know & just looking. I've tried it & even though I haven't seen any colors yet, everyone I meet looks so beautiful when I stop knowing everything, that it's pretty hard to go back to the old way.

Please, remember me...

Yeah, so I thought I was done with that other post, but I need to type more. I really am so incredibly sad about the day care. What hurts I think more than anything is that these kids aren't going to remember me. Or if they do, they'll just remember me as one of the workers at the day care. And even worse than that? I'm not going to remember them. That sounds so harsh, but it's true... I can roll off forty names right now, but in a month or two, when I don't see them on a regular basis, their names will slowly fade. I've probably already forgotten at least forty children that I subbed for. And that's so sad... these kids run up and hug me when they see me. I've rocked or patted almost all of them to sleep. I love them very deeply. I hope that my presence has been worth something in their lives.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

I got off at like 11 tonight. Then I ended up talking to Belinda for half an hour. Then I came here, to the UNA library, where I was going to work on the Sociology project I have due. I spent forever trying to figure out Web CT, then asked someone, who told me that they're doing back-ups now, so I can't get into it. Which means I can't do anything with my project, because all of the information is online. So I guess that's good.

Next Thursday is my last day at the day care. I'm glad, even though it makes me cry when I think about it to much. I've watched some of these kids grow a whole lot... some of the little ones weren't walking or talking when I started, and now they're doing both... amazing. Kids are so beautiful. There was a postsecret up last week that I mean to save but I didn't. It was a picture of an ultrasound, and it said "I hate every mother who doesn't love her children like I would love mine... if I could have them." Some of these parents... oy. They were pretty rotten tonight. I got kicked and bit and spit on and slapped across the face. Also got flipped off, but it was pretty much the funniest thing that happened all night... she shot the bird and then said "your crazy self can't drive!" I laughed really hard, which I guess I should have. Oh, well... it was funny. Wonder where she heard that? :-p

I went to Nashville last weekend with the Tomlinson's. It was pretty fun. The weekend before that I went to Birmingham with Jonathan, and we hung out with Lance and Thomas, which was great fun, of course. Lots of fun drinks. No cartwheels in the quad... this time...

sharp things that hurt for years afterwards every time you think of them

I love story people.

I skipped math today, and, while I haven't entirely convinced myself to skip sociology, the possibilty of my attendence is looking increasingly dismal.

My legs feel like lead, and I want to cry. How am I going to fix other people's lives when I can't fix my own family's?

Lucky for me, I'm an optimistic person who abhors all things self-pitying, so if I pretend hard enough, it will go away again.