Some days I think life would be a whole lot more fun

And when the bridegroom comes, there will be noise. There will be glad.

2009-08-01T01:06:00.002-06:00

It's 151 am, CST, and I am awake.

Fancy adjectives and colorful prepositional phrases have become an addiction, but the buck stops here.

The buck stops here? What does that even mean?

While I'm avoiding this journal because I feel some neurotic need to impress you with my verbage, the days are flying by and my life is going going going.

So. How's about I just give you a run down of some fun times that have been had in the very recent past? I will promsie you, as I have so many times before, Dear Readers-- most especially you, Future Self-- that I will elaborate more at a later date.

~Special Session: one of the best years ever
~Funtimes with S.S. group in Birmingham
~Luau to celebrate one Miss Chelsea's birthday
~Possible new job opportunity
~Bachelorette party
~Tuscaloosa!
~Atlanta: Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp, Bob Dylan

After many hours and many miles, I am now in Birmingham for Britni and Mark's wedding. Oh happy day! Jessica and I got in to town late late, slept late late, and went to the mall to meet Jennifer and Lance. Afterward we went to get my shoes and then enjoy a very relaxing manicure and pedicure. Jessica and I took one wrong turn ended up spending an hour in rush hour traffic, leading to a hasty change of plans and an even hastier change of clothes in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen.

Have I mentioned how much I love curly hair? It makes for an easy fix.

We did a little practicing at the wedding location then skidaddled over to the rehearsal dinner, where we toasted our dear dear friends and shared a glass or three of wine.

We ended up at the Quest for dancing and drag. Now you tell me that is not a fun group of people!

Everyone is good and asleep, and I am headed that direction myself.

Tomorrow is probably going to involve a lot of tears. Good tears. WOW.

Hello, lamppost, whatcha knowin'?

2009-07-22T09:36:00.000-06:00

Got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy.

And when you write a poem, I know the words, I know the sounds, before you write it down...

2009-07-13T00:32:00.000-06:00

The other day I had a conversation with Henry, who is from El Salvador and speaks very very little English. We stumbled through an exchange of information, swapping between broken Spanish and even more broken English. He told me about his wife and kids who are still in Central America, and I told him that I would miss my family too much that far away.

"Miss?"

"Miss... ermm... uhhhmm... miss..."

"Girl?"

"No, miss... to... hm... to miss... to.... hmm."

So I looked up "miss" in a Spanish/English dictionary, but it only had definitions for "miss = missus" and "miss," like you miss a train and "miss," like you miss a target.

Among its nine entries, Webster offers these two definitions:

1.) to notice the absence or loss of
2.) to regret the absence or loss of

What a strange and terrible feeling! What a difficult concept to explain! What a sad sad word!

Ultimately, I looked up "to long for" for in the dictionary, and a light went off in Henry's eyes, and even though it wasn't quite the same, he knew what I was talking about.

"To notice the absence or loss of." "To regret the absence or loss of." Well stated, Webster.

How odd it is to feel happy, to be content, to know that the world is right, while still this feeling lies buried in the pit of my stomach, not a pain or a bother, but a presence, a slow creeping pressure that nudges my organs from time to time. Even as I celebrate my life as it is with my friends who are here, there is absence and there is loss, and I both notice and regret these things.

I began to wonder why there wasn't a more suitable title for this important emotional state, but I suppose it would be a redundant adjective when it came to describing the people we love. We would be better served with a word that describes that change of life, that point at which we begin to permanently miss someone or something.

There is no burning pain, no searing hotness that calls out at your absence, friends. Not usually, anyway. Instead, it is the gentle pulling that I feel on my heart strings, the permanent knowledge that you are there, and I am here. I notice this. I regret this. I cherish this, too.

These daily tugs, these subtle reminders, they are evidence of your presence in my life. However transient our actual time together has been, you have made a indelible mark on me, and I thank you for that.

This is where I forget to breathe, and all the things I scripted, they sound unfounded...

2009-07-09T22:26:00.001-06:00

Today someone missed the toilet at work, and, as the discoverer of said accident, I decided to clean up. I'm snapping on my rubber gloves and taking a few deep breaths outside the bathroom door, steeling myself for the ugly odors and the messy chore before me, and in my head thoughts about Special Session are chasing each other like Wile E. Coyote after the Road Runner, buzzing and frantic and mad with power. It was an absolute take-over, sparked by something mundane and unpleasant, a welcome and forced escape from the reality of 40-hours-a-week and bedtime without milk and cookies.

These moments will come less frequently as the year passes, but still they will come, unexpectedly, caused by other mundane tasks on other mundane days.

It's amazing for me to look back on my years there, to observe the evolution of my role at camp and of camp's role on my life. This summer, like last summer (like next summer like next summer like next summer), I spent a week with God's chosen people, a race of misfits and lost gigglers, working and playing and love love loving.

For an all too brief moment, I was thrown back into cabin life on the first night, in the very cabin that started my Special Sessions, with a camper from my very first year. Sockets were shot and tantrums were thrown and pajamas were missing and holy hell, what a nightmare! It's beautiful, though, don't you see?

Do me a favor. Go grab a couple iron rods. I'd check local junkyards first, maybe a neighbor's backyard. I'll wait here until you return, or you're welcome to take the metaphor by the horns and play along with pencils and paperclips. Make them stick together. Go ahead.

If you've really embraced this exercise, you may have spent a good minute and a half clanking those rods together, making loud noises but failing rather miserably at adhesion. Those of you who are more persistent (or at least more inclined toward following directions) may stack your bars and apply pressure, or you may even attempt to bring outside forces to bare: tape, glue, string, an unused tie or perhaps a hair clip. Alas, the effort is in vain, but you knew that from the beginning, stubborn though you are. Even if you have managed a temporary union of the two cold rods, you aren't so cocky as to think it will last.

You see, to make metal stick to metal-- to make iron stick to iron- you must heat those heavy rods to a crispy 2750°F. Now, quickly, while you're wearing those bulky gloves and you've got that space age mask on, you can jam those red hot balls of melted metal together, however crudely or poetically you desire. Give it some time, let the metal cool. Then try to pull them apart. Go ahead. Task number two. Try your damndest.

I wash my hands of this metaphor. You get the picture. You were ten steps ahead of me the whole time, weren't you? You knew all along, but you humored me, and I appreciate it.

Those chaotic first nights have left me with a few scars and a lot of stories and some bonds that won't be breaking. Unmade beds and late showers and impatient blind women have upped my temperature, and I'm smack dab in the middle of an iron web. Thank you and thank you and thank you, goodnight.

Smile when you feel the sunlight...

2009-06-23T00:04:00.001-06:00

While you are upstairs sharpening your number two pencils and
doodling in your notebook about how you
hate
this small town

I

am listening to a song that follows the beat of my gum
pops and flip
flops and I'm
sharing it with the dandelions on the roadside

While you plot a secret escape to India

I

am constructing a tiny Taj Mahal out of
rotten pecan shells and I've got
plans to
expand

While you stare bleary eyed at your window trying to figure out what is wrong with the world

I

feel what's right falling like
moth tears
and my skin undulates with every ramshackle
dance move that finds my feet and

I

wear a honeysuckle perfume that drives the bees
wild and

I

rummage through the leaves
like a child in grandma's attic so
happy
to re-awaken her old treasures and

you

might
find me
on your doorstep one day wiping the gravel from my
knees

because while

you

were comparing
flight prices

I

(chased a lion)
(wrote a novel)
(planted a tree)
(planted a forest)
(kissed a whale)

traveled.

Why don't I read more Jack?

2009-06-15T22:13:00.000-06:00

Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.

Something good this way comes...

2009-06-07T00:15:00.003-06:00

So, since I started working at the Goodwill, I've been flirting mightily with this guy named Daniel. Daniel is from El Salvador, as are several of my co-workers. He knows a handful of English words, mostly work related-- "sweep," "lunch," "time to clock out and go home"-- although this has not stopped us from flirting on and off as he pieces together bits of broken furniture and I price my tattered books. My Spanish is a combination of over-cheer and misplaced accents, so this has mostly been an adventure in body language.

He bought me lunch last week. Chinese food. How very cultural.

So we stumble through our conversations, and I realize how very many Spanish words I am able to slaughter, and how useless my limited vocabulary is. I point to things, to the shoes on the shelves or the covers of my books, and I struggle with the foreign syllables-- "libros!" "caballo!" "zapatos!"

I made it my goal to touch him this week. I didn't realize how few times we make physical contact with co-workers until I made a conscious effort to nudge his shoulder or brush his hand. There aren't near enough excuses to touch one another these days.

This afternoon, my hands were so cold, all day, despite high temperatures outside. Fantastic, cold hands, what a perfect avenue to engage in some casual contact. The thought crosses my mind and I start to smile and heat washes over me and my fingers are no longer cold. Damn! Now what?

The freezer! Aha!

And unguarded moment in the staff kitchen...

"Daniel! My hands! Muy frío!..."

Mission accomplished.

I just want your kiss, boy...

2009-06-01T23:10:00.001-06:00

She sat alone, watching the fireworks, giant blue and green orgasms that left spiderweb stains on the black velvet sky. Happiness puddled in her stomach, leaked from beneath her fingertips, oozed out of her pores. A tangy breeze tiptoed off the water to ruffle her hair and send tiny goosebumps racing down her spine. Her eardrums reverberated as the rockets shot up and out, and she couldn't stop smiling, and she couldn't stop crying, and she couldn't remember a better night.

And we can pop bottles all night...

2009-05-21T22:27:00.001-06:00

Oh my dear sweet baby James! It's been a while... I still love this song!

I still love YOU!

You know, sometimes I don't know what the hello is going on. Other times, I'm sitting at a bar with Amanda and Jessica, drinking margaritas, and I'm thinking, hey, this is right where I need to be right now.

Ya need never ever gotta go in your wallet, long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket...

2009-05-20T00:05:00.001-06:00

So, I'm still not writing every day, although I'm getting better. I hope that it is at least somewhat apparent that I am using this journal as a means to hone my writing skills, in addition to its uses as a memory keeper and friend link. Granted, I rarely re-read the entries nowadays-- not before posting, that is-- so I'm sure there are misspelled words and grammatical faux pas terrorizing my fragile sentences, but that aside, I hope that you find some enjoyment in the reading aside from merely satisfying that aching hunger for news of my life.

Jessica and I went home late late Tuesday night, sneaking up to the old bedroom a bit before five Wednesday morning and sleeping a few hours before she went to her house. The absence of Meagan (and Abby) did not go unnoticed; they left for California Tuesday morning. (She is there safely now, in case you were curious, and she already has a part time job and a cute little apartment!) I got to spend some really good time with Gramma, and later Jessica came back over and we (along with Lindsey) headed out on some Africa errands. Jessica and I grabbed some cute skirts at the Salvation Army and I picked up a little set of flower speakers for my iPod at T.J. Max, then home again home again to visit with the parents and siblings. Thursday afternoon we said goodbye to Graham, who was off to Tuscaloosa, then Lindsey, Gramma, and I met Mom for a pedicure (which was oh-so-relaxing). Mom and I went to a doctor's appointment for moi, then I ran by the farmer's market to pick up a few veggies and some blackberry jalapeño jelly (delicious!). I met Jessica at Jonathan's apartment, where we got to see his loveliness and a few of his friends. We ducked in at Jeff's to say hello, then I headed to Outback to meet the fam for Dad's birthday celebration (with the parents, the grandmothers, the sibling, and the uncle).

We finished dinner, then had some cake at the house, then I packed up, Jessica arrived, and away we went!

The ride home was rather uneventful, aside from the considerable number of animals we saw on the way home. Mostly these animals were red splatters on the highway, although we did get to see a few deer and even a fox in the wee hours of the morning!

Here I spent the first paragraph babbling about my writing, practically begging for compliments, and what did I do? I spent the whole post listing, sentence after sentence summing up the day to day goings on of a very brief time in my recent life. Alas, it is necessary, for my memory already experiences daily failures, and I imagine the condition will only worsen as I age. So what's going on in your life? I'm dying to know, you know...

Why, why, why, oh, why are you quick to kiss?

2009-05-18T00:19:00.000-06:00

I thought of some other song obsessions: You're My Flame by Zero 7, Be Still My Heart by the Postal Service, Umbrella by Rhianna, and Souls Like the Wheels by the Avett Brothers. Right now I cannot stop listening to Snails by The Format.

Lindsey's graduation was oh so much fun. I left several hours after work on Friday, called Graham upon my arrival in the wee hours of the morning, and grabbed a quick nap in the Gribbin House living room. I awoke with cheerful hellos to Lindsey and Lydia and Genevieve, then off to breakfast with the siblings and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jim. Back at the house we read some stories out of Pretty Little Things, which was appropriately entertaining.

Later I battled traffic to meet the Aunt and Uncle at Wal-mart/Sam's for some grocery fun, then a quick trip back to campus for the actual New College ceremony. There in a great long row were Aunt Dana, David, Grandmomma, Nancy, Katie, Morgan, Mom, Meagan, Gramma, Uncle Keith, Dad, and Graham! My oh my, but it was a beautiful sight. The event was short and sweet; the speakers were interesting and the graduates glowing. We ambushed Lindsey with celebratory confetti poppers in the lobby afterward, shared a few awkward minutes snapping pictures and not quite mixing with the crowd, then re-convened in the Canterbury for some delicious fun and exciting food.

Little things made that day so nice... Uncle Jim cutting limes for the Corona, Nancy turning cartwheels in the yard, Dad strumming his guitar... family is good. I wish Everyone could have stayed longer, although the night that followed was fun as well. The family trickled away, with an especially tearful goodbye to Meagan, who left for California on Tuesday. Those of us left- if my memory serves me, that was me, Lindsey, Graham, Alex (whose mother I was able to meet; she made a mean batch of turnip greens!), Lydia (whose family I got to see (including the elusive Henry!), although I didn't get to spend near enough time with them (can you ever spend enough time with Velma Atkins?)), Genevieve (after a brief hiatus in which she joined adventured out with her family), Drew (a new friend we (kinda) made that day) and... hmm. I think that was it at the time, although please forgive (and promptly correct) me if I've left anyone out. I've compiled that silly list just to say that we mostly scattered and took naps! Eventually we awoke to scavenge for left over beer and potato salad, began a game of Trivial Pursuit, and enjoyed the company of Ryan and Ben and Max and Nicole and various other kindred spirits.

Graham and Lindsey and Ryan and I late went to the Bear Trap to see Chris (who had also been at the afternoon's festivities) play and drink a few beers... that is to say, we drank beer and Chris played guitar. We did not go to watch Chris drink beer. ANYway, I played a lonesome game of quarters for the first part of the night, much to the annoyance of my companions, until Brock showed his smiling face and upped the stakes by... well, by playing, so it was an actual game and not just me throwing quarters at a cup of beer. Lindsey joined, and by the end of the night we were really very good, to the delight of the barkeep, I'm sure, as our intended one round became two and three and four. There toward the end the bar really filled up, and we visited with another friend, Boone, for a bit, and then it was home again for more scavenging, and perhaps a little bit of dancing amidst the glow of a light-switch rave.

Sunday morning, I eventually breakfasted with Ryan and Lydia and Lindsey at Sonic before Ryan and Lydia parted for the day. The afternoon involved another nap, if I'm not mistaken, some light reading and light showers. Graham and I had dinner at a Chinese place downtown, where we were served cripy fried "chips" and what appeared to be a bowl of warm ketchup before our meal. As we left I had a brief conversation with a young woman at an outdoor table, who was down on her luck and vomited in the middle of our conversation (although she continued talking immediately following said spewage without any acknowledgment of the abrupt eruption) and then I packed up the car and headed for home.

It was hard to leave, though. That is a fun group there. I think I will miss Lindsey's college experience as much as she will.

Not to far away from Montgomery I almost hit a deer, which led to the scariest incident in recent memory. She appeared very suddenly on 82, dark and beautiful and terrifying. I swerved left, missed her by inches I'm sure (although at the time the violent jerking of my car convinced me that she had, indeed, been hit), and fishtailed on the grass and gravel alongside the highway. Seconds later-- days, really, but time gets funny situations like these-- the back end of my car took a final swerve, sending me back on the road, perched in the same lane, facing north this time, and all I could think about was an episode of the Gilmore Girls where Rory gets hit by a deer and how I didn't die and how I should call my parents (which I did).

Once in the city a black jeep pulled up behind me a cut off his lights for a spell before exiting, and at the well-lit gas station I was approached by a man asking for gas money. My dear frazzled nerves went on strike at that point, and remained in hiding for the better part of a week. As you can see though, dear sweet Reader, I made it home safe and sound, and I'm already so behind in my updates that this long rambly entry does does even begin to cover my most recent tales of joy and sorrow.

It is late. And I tire.

Until next time...

But me, myself, I got nothing to prove...

2009-05-07T23:25:00.000-06:00

Jessica and I celebrated cinco de mayo in style-o. READ: We sat on the porch and drank beer until odd hours, then went to bed. It was really nice, though.

I think I have a crush on a guy at work, but it's not really a justified crush. He doesn't speak English, and my Spanish is terrible. He is very attractive. His name is Daniel. I don't think it is his real name.

Tomorrow after work I'm headed to Tuscaloosa. I'm not looking forward to the drive or the gas bill, but I am very much looking forward to hanging out with my family and friends on Saturday. It's going to be fantastic.

Speaking of money... I gotta find another job. I haven't been looking in earnest, yet, so no complaints in that department. I did go ahead and move to part time at Goodwill so I have a set schedule there and some free time to actually look.

I don't think I wrote about the wine festival. It was really nice! I had to work Saturday when Amanda and Jessica and Chelsea went, and then I volunteered with Jessica and Chelsea Sunday. We handed out wine glasses, and then at the end we got to do a little wine tasting. Since they had been yesterday, they had some excellent recommendations. The weather was really nice.

We also celebrated dos de mayo! Amanda and Chelsea went out to the celebration and had a hook-up at the margarita stand; I met them later, and Jessica came once she got off work. There's a big fountain in the park area that just shoots up from the sidewalk, and Jessica and I ran through it toward the end. It was very perfect.

Not so perfect? I then lost my keys... I'm still not sure how it happened, although we think that I may have set them down when I was getting my tickets and then the ladies at the table turned them in to Cantina Loredo (where I finally tracked them down the next day). That day ended up being really good, actually, because I went to see Amanda at work, and they had puppies and I played with them. I also went grocery shopping, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

You don't have to be naked for this.

2009-05-05T09:01:00.000-06:00

I don't have to not be naked for it, either, ahaa!

You still ain't got a job, and I work in a market as a check-out girl...

2009-05-02T00:03:00.002-06:00

I've watched some movies recently. Here is what I think about what I have seen:

1. American History X - I watched this over Easter weekend at Jonathan's with him and a few of his friends. It was good, although violent. I remember Micah and his friends talking about it a lot in high school. I guess it lived up to expectations, though. I like Edward Norton.

2. High School Musical (I, II, and III)- Zac Efron? More like Zac, what the EF is wRONg with you?! But seriously... I would watch them again.

3. Seven Pounds- I really liked this one, although it was sad. Will Smith continues to impress. I did not know he was actually that talented. Well... he is.

4. Twilight- I thought the movie was worse than the books, which is surprising, considering how terrible the books are. I read them all, so I can say that. I thought the movie was going to be good. I was wrong.

5. Bride Wars- Cute, funny, nothing bad, nothing special.

6. Slumdog Millionaire- Another violent flick, but still very good. I can see why the movie won so many awards. The little boys were adorable. The acting was great. The story was interesting. I just watched this one a few minutes ago. I'm still not sure what feeling one is supposed to be left feeling.

So, there are some movies I have been watching. I have also been listening to a lot of This American Life and a few episodes of Radio Lab.

Sometimes I will want to just listen to one song over and over and over and over. Most recently, this song has been Fast Car. Some other songs that I remember becoming obsessive over include, but are not limited to: We Both Go Down Together by the Decemberists; Fluresent Adolescent by Kate Nash; The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson; Paper Planes by M.I.A.; Though Shall Always Kill by Scroobius Pip vs. Dan le Sac; Irreplaceable by Beyonce; Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens; Foundations by Kate Nash; Walcott by Vampire Weekend; The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine; Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie; Oxford Comma by Vampire Weekend; and Whatever You Like by T.I. These songs have been listed in no particular order. They are just the ones that I can remember at the moment. I just listen to them over and over...

I've seen those English dramas, too... they're cruel...

2009-05-01T23:41:00.001-06:00

Every day I come to this site, and every day I stare at the blinking cursor, punch the space bar a few times, refresh the page, and close the browser. Perhaps not at poetic as the shutting of a blank journal, but significant nonetheless. I am deciding, right now, to write more. Lots and lots of people recommend writing every day, although I can't recall the famous author who advised such, even if it's just to write what you had for breakfast this morning.

This morning, I had an apple for breakfast. And last Tuesday, Jesse Hill was killed in a dirt biking accident. The last time I saw Jesse was on Easter Sunday; the last actual conversation I had with him was probably when I was 13 and he was 10. He was one of Graham's closest friends from middle school. I talked to my mom about the service last night; all these names kept coming up, little boys who are not little boys any more, boy scouts who are college-age men, doing college-age things, not thinking about the pinewood derby or working on homework while my mom teaches a bunch of 8 year-old kids how to tie knots.

Wednesday I went to a banquet in Tuscaloosa, where I got to see my family and many friends. I got there late and enjoyed the dinner and the speakers and the South African Ballet troupe. I missed the drummers. I showed everyone my quilt and drank a Red Stripe and stayed up really late talking about scotch tape and smart cars and I ate Taco Bell with Ryan Spain.

...and I'm thinking about what to think about.

2009-04-16T23:50:00.001-06:00

Last night I had a dream where "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson came on the radio. This song is the alarm on my phone, and I awoke with a start.

I've been re-reading The Hound of the Baskervilles on my breaks at work, when I'm not working on my quilt. Two days ago I was hit on by a man with crazy eyes who is building a time machine.

I have found copies of The Little Prince in Spanish (which I gave to Jonathan), French, and English.

I think I made a new friend at work today. She is a college student around here who loves old books and old movies.

Jessica and Amanda and I went out tonight and talked about people who died for a long time. It was very sad but also very cathartic in a lot of ways. Then we started Steel Magnolias. Now we are all asleep.

You can deny the Holocaust all you want, but you can’t deny that there’s something between us...

2009-04-14T23:17:00.001-06:00

Friday evening I was mighty tired, so I decided to just sleep and sleep and wake up and drive, which I did, around 4 Saturday morning. I actually got on the road around five, and the drive took longer than planned because I missed a turn a couple hours into the journey. I had planned to grab some lunch with Lance, but I misjudged my Birmingham route and missed him, unfortunately. I ended up stopping in Dodge City to have lunch with Jeff.

That afternoon I got home and saw the fam (sans Graham, who didn't arrive until later that night). Lindsey, Meagan, and I went out looking at dresses and bought some scraps for Lindsey's potential quilt. We dyed some really beautiful/experimental eggs later. Sunday morning everyone got dressed up and headed to church for a really nice service, despite the babbling babies. Francis and Audrey sang "Roll Away the Stone," which is a bit of an Easter tradition at St. Joe's, I suppose. The song is always beautiful, and this year was no exception. They didn't begin with the usual haunting two part that they usually use, but they kicked it up by the end. The build up was totally worth it. It never fails to bring tears. It's beautiful, and it reminds me why the Jesus story has continued to thrive. What a wonderful hopeful ending!!!

Mom really put together an outstanding Easter dinner for that afternoon. Grandmomma and Uncle Keith came, as well as Jill and Hunter and Hope. We took a few pictures and attempted to fly kites. After the egg battle (which Mom totally won, as usual (although Moonie had her beat last year, I believe)) we played a long lovely round of bacci ball! My grandmother playing bacci is the cutest thing in the world.

I was supposed to leave Sunday night, but the skies were unfriendly and I decided to not drive through the tornadoes and call in to work. Lindsey and Graham had crazy damage in Tuscaloosa. I ended up spending a few hours with Jonathan; I worked on my quilt and got to meet some of his friends and we watched some Summer Heights High, Pete and Pete, and then American History X. Monday was a very lazy day, in which I mostly slept, did a little laundry and packing, and spent some time with Meagan. I left around 7 that evening, hitting a little rain in Muscle Shoals and otherwise enjoying clear-ish skies and no rainfall. I made it home in six hours and with limited commercial interruption.

Pre-Easter:

Amanda and Jessica are very silly, and we had a lovely night filled with full wine glasses and nineties hits. We dance and we sang and we did not throw up on this.

Kite flying the first: more successful. Jessica and I took Magenta and Riff Raff to the park for some high flying adventures. We also played with some puppies earlier that day. It was the first sunny day in at least a week, and we definitely enjoyed it.

Sometime soon I need to tell you about some thoughts about Lent and the Easter Season and about church and about me.

Right now though? Right now, I'm going to bed.

Maybe next year.

2009-04-14T22:34:00.000-06:00

What I'd really like to see you do in the coming weeks is party harder and party smarter than usual. In my astrological opinion, you're most likely to attract life's maximum generosity by shedding some of your social inhibitions and cultivating the pleasures of free-form networking. Believe me, I know how important it is for you to maintain the kind of strict boundaries that protect you from being overly influenced by other people. It's what keeps you in close touch with your intuition. But for the foreseeable future, I think you'll thrive on the unexpected blessings that come from giving yourself to the intelligence of the crowd.

But we'll stay...

2009-04-02T23:40:00.000-06:00

Goddamn, my life is good.

FACT: I am so lonely.

I love everything about you that hurts

I will stay here, with you, my love...

2009-03-26T10:18:00.001-06:00

The rain has slowed to a quiet drizzle, but it was storming something fierce earlier. The thunder shook us so hard that my car alarm went off.

The Second Gleam is always a satisfying listen.

Check out the Felice Brothers next time you're bored.

Sometimes I dream I'm driving down an old dirt road...

2009-03-25T23:58:00.000-06:00

Last week Jonathan scared the bejesus out of me in the Dollar General. I knew that he was down South, but I thought he was in Gulf Shores. Apparently, this was part of a fiendish plan crafted weeks ago by one Miss Jessica Hyde.

"She knows I'm at the beach! What do I do?!"
"...tell her you're at a different beach."

He was actually staying in Destin with his mother and sister! He and Jessica were text messaging, and they orchestrated a brilliant maneuver in which Jonathan stood creepily close to me and I just about ran over him. We hung out that day and drank a little a saw his hotel room and played Trivial Pursuit! I think that was Wednesday.

Friday afternoon (I think), Chelsea and Noreese got in town. They (and Amanda) went to eat while Jessica and I visited the Red Door (the Barn Door? Something like that...) for a few free drinks and met up with Jonathan. The girls joined us later, and we chatted it up on the porch for a while before heading home. Chelsea and Noreese were in Amanda's room, Amanda was in my room, Jonathan fell asleep on the couch, and Jessica and I went to bed in her room.

When I fell asleep, Jessica was in the bed. When I woke, Jeff was in the bed! This may have been one of the most surreal moments in my entire life. I kinda freaked out a little inside and couldn't quite make everything fit in my head the way should have. I walked to living room, seeing a pallet with what I assumed was Jessica and Jonathan, but it turned out to be Jessica and Lance! Apparently, Jonathan was only phase one of Operation Best Surprise Ever.

Noreese made pancakes and sausage for everyone, and then we all headed to the beach in Seaside. I must say, we make a hot crowd. Jonathan and Noreese and I even ventured into the ocean! I took a walk with the boys and later we took some silly pictures before heading to Publix and then home. for dinner. Jessica and Amanda made up the hamburgers while I fired up the grill. We did burgers and hot dogs and made up a ghetto game of beer pong in the backyard. Later... many beers later... we went inside and played some Captain Dickhead and later Pick-up Lines.

Sunday everyone went home. While I was sad to see them leave, it was kinda nice to have the house quiet again. I think we all three spent ungodly amounts of time in our own rooms just enjoying having three people in the house instead of eight.

Let's see... other stuff happened this week, I'm sure, but let's jump to today...

Jessica and I went to the beach to fly a kite, but we were wildly unsuccessful. All Raphael wanted to do was spin in ridiculous circles and occasional dive bomb one of us. Later we drove around, exploring a little, and then we went to Winn Dixie to get stuff for dinner!

Tonight we grilled kabobs (chicken, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, bacon, squash, zucchini) and had a cake with whipped cream! If you're thinking that we are the coolest three people in the world right about now, then you are correct.

Jessica and I played a little frisbee in the backyard, then we all three came in to eat and watch the telly. Amanda headed to bed and Jessica and I played a round of Trivial Pursuit (which seems to have become somewhat of a nighttime ritual) and then we went to bed, too. And by went to bed, I mean here I am, Reader, with you.

I like driving backwards in the fog...

2009-03-25T23:57:00.000-06:00

Things That Make Me Feel Like a Grown-up, In a Good Way
~ a well-stocked medicine cabinet
~ feeding people on short notice
~ having guests spend the night
~ lighting candles
~ parking decks
~ calling my grandmothers

Things That Make Me Feel Like a Kid, In a Good Way
~ cheese and mustard sandwiches
~ playing with kids
~ having my hair done
~ lighting matches
~ diving boards
~ drinking out of funny straws

Updateyness.

2009-03-11T14:36:00.000-06:00

Have I ever told you that I'm a little in love with Michael Landon?

Well, it's time you knew. Bonanza, Little House, even Highway to Heaven... all of them are worth watching. Bonanza's my favorite show overall, although Pa in Little House is my favorite character. I've never actually watched Highway to Heaven, but I still highly recommend it.

Hey, I'm in Florifreakinda. Saturday my parentals followed me down with a truck load o' my stuff. We unloaded that evening and then went to grocery shopping, then off to P.F. Chang's (along with Jessica). Dinner was nice. They like the new house and played with the animals a lot. Sunday morning we went to Fort Walton to look for a mattress, then ate at the Crab Trap. They left that afternoon, which was really sad. I miss them a lot already. I guess I miss them, but I also miss their nearness, and having the option of going to see them whenever I wanted. The same goes for my friends... I miss you a lot already.

On the bright side, I love my new house! It's bright and happy and yellow inside. My roommates are great. Duh. I'm still jobless, but I've gotten some applications to turn in tomorrow and a few people who have suggested sending in my resume in case they start hiring soon. Tomorrow Jessica and I are going to explore the city and check out the local museums to see if they're hiring. Friday Amanda and I are going to get some sun! I can't wait!

I'm almost all unpacked. We were unsuccessful in our mattress search, so that's something I've still got to get. For now I've got a single mattress chilling on my queen frame, so it's like sleeping with a moat around me. I like that.

Our little pony-tailed girl, grown up to be a woman, and she's gone in the blink of an eye...

2009-03-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

I took my car in to the shop. (Directions from Dad: Go to Columbia, by the railroad tracks. Go half a block, turn between the big brown garages. There's no sign. Go to the back door. Ask for Ronnie.) We got repairs done to the body, which, having survived the sixteenth birthdays of four children, was a bit banged up. It's lookin' pretty chic now, although the inside smells like turpentine. Yum.

My hair is blue; the day of dying was a really fantastic day. Jessica came over that morning, and throughout the day different people were in and out of the apartment (like O'Brian, Jeff, Jonathan, and Meagan (and Abby)) while we bleached and blued me. That night, Jessica, Meagan, Rachel, Erin, Melody, and I went to Tuscaloosa for Blue Two! We started the night with Candyland and ended it on mushy couches. Meagan and I played some serious beer pong, and I think I got to second base with Jessica. Lindsey was a glitter princess, which isn't to much different than Lindsey on a regular basis. I spent some quality time with Ryan, got to see Elizabeth and Nathan and Melissa, and even got to hang out with Boyd there at the end (long past when I should have been around people).

This is really one of those posts where I'm just saying things as they pop into my mind.

Vagina!

No, seriously. Vagina Monologues is over! The show went well; the cast was fantastic! I'm bummed we didn't get a cast picture. The first night we had some technical difficulties, but they were all fixed by Thursday. Difficulties or not, everyone performed well and we had a good audience both nights. O'Brian did Vagina Security Wednesday, and my parents came to the show. Thursday Jeff, Meagan, and Brittany (super exciting!) came to see it, as well as Kari.

Last weekend I went to a memorial service for Grammer at Britni's house. I got there really late, coming in to hear a family friend singing Amazing Grace. I stood with Mark and Lance and Britni in the back, listening to the music and the kind words people had to say. There was food and sweet talk and nice memories. Later I got to watch a video with just the family, which made me feel very special. She was a really important person, and I don't think I'll ever be able to remember the college years without her coming to mind.

From there I traveled down to Santa Rosa to unpack a carload of (mostly) clothing! I spent Sunday doing laundry and putting it away, as well as spending some quality time with the animals. Monday morning Jessica and I went out and about, getting keys made and picking up a few things. I finished up laundry, hung out with Amanda some, then headed home. I think it was a very good thing to be there over the weekend; it helped me become more excited about the move, instead of just sad and anxious.

The last couple days have all been spend packing and cleaning and doing laundry. I may have been bitten by a brown recluse a few minutes ago. 90% sure it was a recluse. Only 10% worried that it bit me. I'll keep you updated.

And now, I must say goodbye, at least temporarily. I'm headed to Birmingham tonight, and I'll complete the journey tomorrow morning. I don't know how long before we'll have internet, but I will try to remember each adventure. I love you so much.

You ain't gotta downgrade; you can get what I get...

2009-02-18T01:19:00.001-06:00

"You Can Have Whatever You Like"

I love this song.

The end.

Dark and lonely is the ride, the devil always by my side...

2009-02-12T00:47:00.002-06:00

Today was such a good day!

Jeff woke me up crazy early to have breakfast... maybe that wasn't so amusing at the time, but it's funny in retrospect, right? Right. He left for work and I went back to sleep until O'Brian called to wake me around 10:30. He called four times, but instead of waking me up I just kept incorporating the theme song to the Fresh Prince-- his ring tone-- into my dreams. I was chasing the beagles, and it just kept playing over and over again on the radio. Finally I really did wake up, let him in, and began the day.

We got about halfway through an episode of The L Word before the power went off. It was pretty windy, but the rain had mostly stopped by this point. I texted Jonathan, and soon we were at his place snacking on Nutella and finishing our show. We left after a bit and came back to the apartment, where we watched a few more episodes. Jeff came home for lunch and I made spinach and mushroom alfredo pasta. Delicious!

Jeff left again and O'Biz and I went decided to go to Diebert and enjoy what had become a beautiful day! We attempted to fly a kite, with limited success. By limited, I mean the string sliced my finger open and the actual kite spent more time nose-deep in the ground than in the sky. Failing at kite flying, we walked for maybe twenty minutes and then laid in the grass and read some.

Home again, and we watched the finale episode of the season we'd been following. The series was sad today, but the weather was nice and the company excellent. Jeff had returned home, and after O'Brian left we watched the last two episodes of Avatar, a Nickelodeon series we started watching like two years ago. It was pretty great, and a nice break from the intensity of The L Word.

Other things of note: Vagina Monologues are coming up, I hung out with Christian the other day, and Jonathan and I got two a.m. Tourway a couple nights ago.

The move is coming up soon, and I'm scared out of my wits and more excited than I've been in a long time!!!

You are beautiful and peaceful this way...

2009-02-01T13:48:00.000-06:00

TO LEON WORTH

I ask the forebearance of the children who may
read this book for dedicating it to a grown-up.
My first and most serious reason is that he
is the best friend I have in the world.
My second reason is that this grown-up
understand everything, even books about children.
And my third reason is that he lives in France
where is is hungry and cold.
He needs cheering up.
If all these reasons are not enough,
I will dedicate the book to the little boy
from whom this grown-up grew.
All grown-ups were children once --
although few of them remember it.
And so I correct my dedication:

TO LEON WORTH
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY

I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you...

2009-01-27T23:32:00.001-06:00

Well well well.

I move in about a month. This past weekend I went to Destin to visit Jessica and Amanda and look at a home, which we have decided to rent! It's in Santa Rosa, and it's a three bedroom in the back of neighborhood. My room has a four poster antique bed, which they are going to leave, as well as a desk with shelf space. Jessica has a dresser I can use, which cuts down my moving cost and effort a good bit. I'm excited and anxious. It's definitely getting time for a move, and I'm going to be in warmer climates and by the beach, and living with Jessica, and having pets again! I'm worried about finding work that is fulfilling, about money, about being so far from my parents and sisters and brother and friends!

Let's see... I'm not directing the Vagina Monologues, which is a pretty major bummer. It's something I've been talking about for months now, and most of you knew about it. Anyway, turns out that since I graduated I can't help direct. I think the play will still be fine, of course, but it's hard to wrap my head around being in a different role. I also think I'm a better director than I am at being on stage, and I have more experience with that (even it's still not much). The cast is fantastic, of course. I have seriously considered quitting and just going on with the move right this moment, but I don't want to give up that time with my friends here.

When I was in Destin, we (me, Jessica, Amanda, and Chelsea) went to a Civil War re-enactment. We had a very nice picnic and then watched the skirmish. It was very cool and very loud. We saw a woman making a cathedral quilt; I'm now attempting to make one myself, with limited success. I'll show you pictures when it's finished. I'll be honest, it may end up being a cathedral pillow instead.

I have my phone back, but the screen is messing up. It did this some when I was using Meagan phone, so I think it might be a problem with my sim card and not the actual phone. I can still get calls and dial out (usually), but sometimes I can't read texts or actually see to figure out who I'm calling if I don't know the number by heart.

I've done about a million loads of laundry this week, though my room still looks disasterous. It's a big part of packing, though, so hurray for being somewhat productive!

Well, good God damn and other such phrases...

2009-01-16T01:13:00.002-06:00

I've been going through some severe musical addictions recently.

First, Dan le Sac and Scroobius Pip. They are a British hip-hop duo, I suppose. I think Pip used to be a slam poet. This is the first song I heard; these two are my other favorites.

Next is was Ingrid Michaelson, who is featured on several commercials. The jingle that ran on the telly is still the best, although I love her other stuff, too.

My current love is Kate Nash, who has escaped my computer and has blasted through my car speakers. She is bitter and beautiful.

Keep it loose, keep it tight,

Your eyes are beating rhythms way faster than the speeding bullet that took the life of your radio.

2009-01-09T04:48:00.001-06:00

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Come January, we're frozen inside...

2009-01-03T05:39:00.000-06:00

Room for Squares is such a good album. I've been re-visiting it, and it still fits me like a charm, despite the holiday casseroles and gallons of eggnog. Somethings never change.

Most things do, though. Consider yourself warned.

You know, sometimes I forget why I feel things, even when I don't forget why I feel them. I forgot why I loved Christmas until I was right smack dab in the middle of it, then it hit me like a ton of bricks, or a ton of pine needles and wrapping paper, and my heart almost burst with love. I spent New Year's Eve with my family, of course. We got Mom a new kitten; his name is Moz (short for Mozart). Potato soup, I love thee with the fiery heat of a thousand suns.

We had an early brunch at my grandmother's house Christmas morning, and I worked that afternoon. I hung out with the cousins the next day. It's amazing how cool they've all turned out to be. I wish they all were my next door neighbors. I spent one night out there hanging out and playing tiddlywinks with Nancy. The next day I took Morgan and David to see Marley and Me. It was good, although you should be prepared to cry at the end (which I was). The next morning Morgan and I had brunch together, which was really special and fun.

I went to Birmingham at some point. Maybe that was late on the 26th? I went down late after playing some Scatagories with Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, Moonie, and Katie. I arrived at one-ish, and when to bed shortly after, cuddled up with Jessica and Lance.

You should check your rage at the door. A little jealousy is to be expected, but that is excessive. I'm sure they will sleep with you, too, if you ask nicely.

J-money left early early that morning, and Lance, Jeff, and I went to the Browns to have breakfast with Lance's parents and Ms. Britni Marks. It was so good to see Lance's mom again; I haven't seen in her in a year or more. After that Lance and I followed Britni to her house, where we saw Mark for a hot minute before he had to leave; we also visited with Grammar and Britni's mother. We were going to go to the park, but clouds came a'rolling in while we were inside, so we decided to play in the backyard instead (with Odin and Lucky). Then Lance and I went back to his apartment, I think, and then I went to meet Jeff and James and Chris at Panera Bread.

Sitting at a table with three hot boys can be very intimidating; I felt like I was on one of those MTV dating shows. Weird. Later we were joined by Alice, Ricky, and Justin. It was a nice meal. Jeff and I left for Darren's; I stopped in to say hello and then was off again, back to Florence.

Oh, and this is when I lost my phone. By the by, it has been found again. It was in my boot in Lance's apartment. I just got it back and it is charging right this very minute.

Time time time...

Oh!

New Year's Eve. I was pretty wishy-washy about my plans. I thought I had to work on the 31st, but turns out I was scheduled for the first. I had a really wonderful dinner with my parents and Graham, and then I intended to go to Birmingham. I stopped at my apartment to grab my license (which I couldn't even find at the time, although I have found it since), locked the door, and promptly shut my keys in the trunk of my car. Unable to get into my car or apartment, and still not having a phone, I knocked upon my neighbor's door, borrowed a phone, and watched twenty minutes of the latest Superman movie while Graham brought a key.

Graham said I should probably just stay home, which I did. It was a very subdued but nice way to bring in the New Year. Meagan was an hour later in her celebration; I think this is the first time one of us has been in a different time zone at midnight. Strange. Mom crashed early, so Dad and Graham and I toasted her and called Meg and Lindsey and shot the rifle and blitzed the Boulevard with firecrackers galore.

I worked New Year's Day, and one of my clients went a little crazy. It was a stressful day, but I handled things pretty well. Hopefully it was not a harbinger of 2009.

Yesterday-- which I am sorely tempted to call today, seeing as I am still awake-- was a bit lazy, but in a nice way. I slept late, then met Jeff for lunch at Wok and Roll. We came home and played on googlemaps, later heading to my parents' house for dinner. We mostly talked to Mom and played with Abby and Moz. Now it is so late that it's early, and I'm going to catch some Z's before work this afternoon. I'll be there 2-10 tonight and I work a double tomorrow (6am-10pm). I'll be in touch.

The whole wide world feels like a shrine built to the worker bees...

2008-12-16T22:57:00.001-06:00

Things of note, occurring since Friday evening:

I graduated with a degree in English and a minor in Women's Studies. Lance and O'Brian and Jeff came to my graduation, as did my parents, Meagan, Graham, and Moonie. Afterward we stopped by the Florence Poetry Slam and then headed to Park Blvd. for pizza and cokes and some surprise champagne. We stood around the fire under the full moon and Graham shot some bottle rockets and Jonathan stopped by for a bit. I got to sleep between Lance and Jeff, and it was so nice and cozy and safe and warm.

Saturday morning Lance and Jeff and I had breakfast before Lance and I headed to my parents' to get some of my laundry and then to meet Lindsey and Alex in Birmingham. From there we drove up to WInchester, Virginia, where we got a hotel, got some sleep, and enjoyed a really nice simple breakfast. We drove to New Jersey, which, as far as states go, ranks fairly low (based on our short time there). We ate dinner with a family friend of Alex's family, who then took us to the train station.

We took the train into New York City and met Josh!!!

So far, I have been pushed out of the way of a garbage truck who was not paying attention by a construction worker with a very exciting accent, I have bought fruit and bread at the Union Square market, I have watched a video at the Church of Scientology, I have skated at Central Park, I have played in the snow, I have eaten some delicious hot dogs, I have had coffee at various digs, I have ridding the subway a lot, I have been happy.

I wish you were here. :)

Say goodnight and go...

2008-12-13T08:48:00.002-06:00

I am headed to NYC.

I will be back in a week for the Special Session Christmas party.

I will see you then.

This video made me really really really happy.

2008-12-06T10:21:00.000-06:00

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Happy ever after in the market place, Desmond lets the children lend a hand...

2008-12-05T11:13:00.000-06:00

A couple weekends ago I went to Fall Fling at Camp. It was fifth and sixth graders, and it wasn't entirely planned. Remind me next time not to show a slight interest in an event unless I'm ready to commit fully to participating. ;) It was worth it, though. That's generally my least favorite age group, but my girls were great and I'd had half of my cabin in my summer camp cabin or in small group. Anything run by Margaret Warren is worth going to as well; I don't even know her well, but she is really quirky and fun. Most of the volunteers were the people I like hanging out with most, anyway, and it was nice to see Michael. The weather was dreadful and I had to leave early because of work. I was a little too uptight and less fun than I can be; thank you, school work.

Anyway, just wanted to make mention of that. Then the next weekend, if I remember correctly, was the wedding! Wow oh wow. Weddings at Camp McDowell should happen more often. Anne and Blake tied the knot, and it was a privilege to be there. Sometimes you find out your old classmates and friends are engaged, and the thought you have is "Hmm, wonder how long that will last?" Not so with Anne and Blake; they're obviously perfect for each other. I don't know any other couples where that is so evident. So, I roomed with Jen the first night and the Lindsey and Lauren came the next night. Friday we spent some time at the campfire and playing some flipcups and beer pong and Captain Dickhead, and I had the most fun I've had in a loooong time. It's so nice to be surrounded by people you love in a place you love celebrating the sacrament of love.

You know, I could go on and on about that weekend, but I think that's all I really want to say.

Let's see... at some point--maybe the Thursday before the wedding?--Jeff and I went to Birmingham to have a ridiculous irrational dinner. Jeff got off work and we hit the road, meeting our people at Moe's. The timing was wonderful; James was there, and then us, and Lance and Tyler, and Darren, and Jess. Afterwards Jeff and I went to the mall with Darren to help pack up his store, and then it was home again, and up bright and early the next morning for school and work!

Right now, I'm at my friend Jen's new house; she's at a job interview, so I am entertaining myself here, with you, Reader. I hope all is more than well.

Listen to the music of the moment; people dance and sing...

2008-11-28T23:39:00.001-06:00

You know, I've got so so much to tell you, every live long day. I want to tell you what I think about the songs I'm listening to, the stories I'm reading, the people I meet.

I want to make a will, a living will that tells each of you just exactly how important you are to me, and why, and how we met. I remember how we met, you know.

I want to be infinite, to live in each of you, to be in your every thought and breath, to be godlike, omipotent, powerful and quiet.

What is my perfect crime?

2008-11-28T00:28:00.000-06:00

I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say ‘no’. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. – This is where the story gets interesting. – I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadéro. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stash the chandelier.

It's been too long since somebody whispered...

2008-11-18T09:56:00.001-06:00

Oh dear, I've certainly slacked. Now I have two weekends to record, and how will I ever do my memories justice if I constantly compress them? Despite the dropped details, I will do my best to recall the goings-on of my life, both for you, Reader, and for future me.

Laasssst weekend, we totally camped out in my parents backyard. We gathered our assorted friends around the campfire, despite the freezing temperatures and the all-to-close comforts of home. Jeff, Darren, O'Brian and I went to the lake to gather firewood, and while I was gone a surprise showed up at the house! When we got back home, Michael was chasing Landon around the yard and April was inside with baby Eli! It was so great to see the family; aside from facebook stalking the growing boys, I hadn't seen them in forever (and I had never met the baby). We played with bubbles and ran around the yard and whatnots, and Jessica came and my parents hung out and we made fire!

Meaghan came there at the end, right before the Clemmons left; shortly after that T.J. and Katie showed up. Mom made a big pot of chili and a batch of cookies and Meaghan brought apple strudel, which we ate in the kitchen before being chased back outside, where we did the campfire thing (and Jonathan came to play!) Eventually we made s'mores and at some point we took a walk around the Boulevard, singing and shivering the Elephant love medley, then launching a super-secret mission back to the campfire. Eventually we made our pallets and curled up, trying to conserve heat as the temperature dropped. I had scrounged around inside earlier for something entertaining, producing only a frisbee and a deck of sixth grade quiz cards (which we read for at least an hour).

In the early morning hours T.J. and Katie brought mugs of hot chocolate out to warm our numb fingers, and finally we all semi-dozed (me, T.J., Darren), kinda slept (Meaghan, O'Brian, Jessica), went home (Jonathan), stayed awake (Katie), or slept like baby in a cradle (Jeff). We dispersed in the morning, each to his or her bed, showered off the smoke and dirt, and voilà! A new day.

I've spent the morning listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter and other assorted classic country artists. Oh, Jeff and I have internet (obviously), as of yesterday. I think I will save my tales of this past weekend at Camp McDowell for another time. My fingers grow tired and I have class in an hour. Until then...

What are you good at? I said

2008-11-14T09:50:00.001-06:00

& she said, Mainly life. I work best with stuff that has a high tolerance for mistakes.

Oh, in five years time I might not know you...

2008-11-06T17:33:00.000-06:00

I spent last weekend in Tuscaloosa, and oh, what a weekend it was! I got there Friday evening and met Lindsey and some of her friends, then Graham and I went to shoot pool. We came back and sat around the hookah and played mafia and went to bed, snug as a bug, with Lindsey, Maks, and Botswana.

Saturday morning we waded through the homecoming crowds, visiting different booths of which Lindsey was a part before retiring to her home. Alex and I walked to Publix and he got me lunch at Quik Grill. It was a beautiful day, a walking day. That night Lindsey dressed like Pocahontas and I was Julian of Norwich/ Renaissance Lady. We got to see Graham's frat house (by the way, Graham is a pledge... not to worry, though. It's an academic fraternity, with female members and actual personalities) and meet some of his brothers/sisters. After that we met Boyd and his friend at one of the local pubs, and from there we headed to a crazy party by the railroad tracks. They charged five dollars a cup for cheap beer but had a cooler full of free shrimp and sausage and potatoes and corn. Weird. We retired again to the house for hookah and Pete and Pete. Whoa. Sunday I got to hang out with Ryan; we gathered picnic supplies and then spread our wares on the quad with Maks and Nicole and various other passers-by. Wow, but that was fun. Lindsey came by and I jogged by her bike back to the church to meet the youth group she and Graham lead together. I had dinner with Graham and Austin and various other characters, then did some geography and dilly-dallied a bit more before finally heading home.

On the back I almost hit a deer! I had just been talking to Jessica about that very worry, when I came upon one ambling across the highway. Luckily it had just crossed out of my lane (and hadn't leapt crazy-like). A car appeared immediately in the opposite direction, though. I flashed my lights a bunch; I hope they didn't hit her, either. I listened to the first cd of Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You) on the way home; on the way down I listened to the first of On the Road by Jack Kerouac and some of Radio Lab, a new show on NPR.

Monday after class and work, Jeff and I went to Birmingham, where we celebrated Darren's birthday! I left the party after a bit to meet Austin and Chris at Oasis where we got to see Michael Goldsmith (yes, THE Michael Goldsmith) play! It was so nice to see all of them. Early the next morning (6:30 early), Jeff and I headed to my voting station, where we waited an hour and some change for me to vote before going home once again-- stopping first at Jeff's station so he could cast his ballot. We made it back in time for class, but I decided to sleep instead. I'd been fighting a cold for the better part of a week, missing things here and there and remaing tired, so I took a day to sleep and drink orange juice and feel better; I still went to Women and Politics that night.

That night I romped around with Jonathan and Megan for a bit, watching the news and the end of some speeches. I will have more to say on the election later, I think. When I was ready to leave, I couldn't find my keys (I was pretty sure they were under Megan, who was asleep on the couch... and they were :-p) so I crashed on the other couch, enjoyed coffee with Megan in the morning, and went to Atkinson's class, where we ate muffins and cupcakes and chatted it up big time.

Today we watched Sling Blade in my Southern Lit. class. I've never seen it before, but I really like it so far. I've got a geography test to work on and I might make some ravioli tonight. Jessica will be in town Saturday, and we are tottttallllly camping out. It's supposed to be insanely cold... I think 33 is the low. The low has been in the forties until Saturday; this seems to be the trend with these Logouts. Jeeeez, that sucks, but mostly, I am so very excited about this weekend!

Here is another poem I wrote. Thoughts?

2008-10-29T09:41:00.000-06:00

On my pillow is
your earring,
black and shiny and
plastic,
and I guess if this was
true love
it would be a pearl or
a diamond or
you would still be here.
But it's a plastic earring and
you are not here and
this
is not
true love.

Winter just wasn't my season.

2008-10-22T11:26:00.000-06:00

Hey folks.

Here are some things that are good:

Megan and Jonathan and I went to the Bird Tower last weekend and got stranded in the middle of Nowhere, USA. Jonathan painted me with tribal tattoos and sat in the flowers and the music played and the battery died and we did not.

I found pictures from over a year ago, and though I've not shown them to you yet, I have printed some of them off and I've hung them on my wall and I have been refreshed by your presence, even though you are not here.

Tentative plans to move to Destin in February are becoming more solid every day. Scary as it is, Amanda and Jessica will likely be finding the apartment/house without me, but that is okay. Hey, this is going to be fun!

Step Show at UNA-- I wish I had gone before now. I enjoy this type of show very much, and I enjoy my friends very much: Nita, Tammy, O'Brian, Jeff, and newboy Drew. Tourway afterward, trading Megan for Nita and Tammy.

I hit a small cat on the way to the restaurant. This is not a good thing, no matter how I spin it. It makes the list because I need to get it out, because it made me cry, because my friends were so good to me.

Whoa, how about I go to Fall College Conference at Camp McDowell. I've never been before, but I think I would enjoy it. Lindsey says Camp in the fall is her favorite, and I generally like things that are Lindsey's Favorite.

When you have a free moment, I suggest you visit http://www.asofterworld.com/bloody/index.php. It is by the asofterworld people, so you know it's good.

And maybe just go visit asofterworld? Come on, you know you wanna...

This is Grace, over and out.

Love your wife, love your get, keep your word, and if need arises die for what men die for.

2008-10-21T12:31:00.000-06:00

At a cave mouth my uncle showed me crinoid stems,
And in limestone skeletons of the fishy form of some creature.
"All once under water," he said, "no saying the millions
Of years." He walked off, the old man still with me. "Grampa,"
I said, "what do you do, things being like this?" "All you can,"
He said, looking off through the treetops, skyward. "Love
Your wife, love your get, keep your word, and
If need arises die for what men die for. There aren't
Many choices.
And remember that truth doesn't always live in the number of voices."

Life is ever changing but I will always have a constant and comfort in your love...

2008-10-18T00:34:00.000-06:00

Hey, I just spent some time on stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Go. Enjoy. Report back to me (O'Brian, I'm talking to you ;).

I'm here at Megan's, chilling with her and Jonathan and Jonathan and Jeff (and Spencer, of course).

I worked tonight.

We're watching Little Monsters, which I did not watch when I was little.

Hey, campout. Saturday, November 8th. In my parents' backyard. Classic.

I'm kinda lonely right now.

Clever trick...

2008-10-02T23:04:00.001-06:00

Hey. I just wanted you to know that while I was watching the Vice Presidential debate, my brother was watching the Goonies.

I'm not sure why this makes me so happy, but it does.

I think I will watch The Goonies this weekend.

Tell me, where is evil bred? In the heart or in the head?

2008-10-01T14:32:00.000-06:00

Jeff has recently really gotten into A Softer World, which makes me very happy. It's kinda like when you read a book with someone.

Speaking of books... I finished Life of Pi and Twilight this week. Pi was good, although a bit bouncy. Twilight was good, too. I mean, it's a vampire romance for teens, so it's as cheesy as all get out, but overall I enjoyed it and will be starting the sequel this week. Also been reading for Chaucer, Southern Literature, and British Literature.

So... since last we spoke, I saw B.B. King in Huntsville with Mr. Joiner. Wow oh wow. I actually think this was the first concert I've been to this year, which is strange. It was easily one of the best. We were in the second row, semi-isolated (the two seats to our right and the two to our left were vacant, strangely enough), not ten feet from the man, the myth, the legend. Live music is just so... powerful. Watching a group of people who are so obviously glad to be doing what they're doing, who fit together like puzzle pieces, is an experience to remember. To be in a packed auditorium, to feel the giddyness and the awe radiating off people who have been listening to this man perform for over 50 years is to be gladly suffocated. He was so humble, and grateful, and beautiful. Watching it with T.J. made the experience all the more memorable, as he is one of my best friends and his excitement was contagious.

On Sunday I picked muskedines with one of my clients at her mother's house. It was so much fun, and it made me feel very real.

I have tentative plans to visit Jessica this weekend. Meagan's going to Pensecola Friday evening and my parents are going to Perdido. I've not been asked to work, soo... well, why not? I mean, I won't be able to spend any money there, but that's okay. Mom, Meagan, and I will come back Sunday evening, and Dad will be back a couple days later when his conference is over.

I watched the movie Volver the other night; it was pretty good. Pratik reccomended it. Umm... oh, the poetry slam was Friday. It was pretty good, if a little long. Afterwards Pratik and O'Brian came to the apartment and we watched some L Word and ate stirfry and fixed my hair. It was really nice to just sit. Megan Williams came to the slam, which was good. I've hung out with her more in the last couple weeks. I hung out with Jonathan a couple weekends ago, too, and finally got to see his new house and meet his roommate. I also hung out with Nick last week.

Oh, that's right! We had a picnic last Thursday! Well, kinda. I got one of my clients and we met Jeff and O'Brian and Nick at the park, and Megan came with Spencer, and then the park ranger kicked us out so we hung out at Megan's for a bit before going home. :)

Did you tell her you like her fingernails?

2008-09-22T09:23:00.001-06:00

"Lemon, I'm impressed. You're beginning to think like a businessman."

"A business woman."

"I don't think that's a word."

Keep it up, little engine...

2008-09-20T00:07:00.001-06:00

Well, here:

Now, I enjoyed this video very much. I enjoyed it because it supports the same candidate I support, of course, but I enjoyed it more the second time that I watched it for the words that were spoken, the words that were sung. I hope that our next president embraces this energy, this message. I hope.

Well, the wind and the trees are gaining up on me; they sing my funeral song in harmony...

2008-09-05T21:02:00.000-06:00

You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.

2008-09-04T23:53:00.000-06:00

A couple things:

1. The Office: Why is it so funny, and why isn't Jim my boyfriend? On that note, why isn't Jim a real guy? Jeez.

B. Politics! Jeeeesus, what is wrong with people? I watched some of both conventions. Did you know that McCain was a POW? I bet you didn't, but he was. He was a POW. In the war. The war for AMERICA.

III. I have made an observation recently, and I would like your opinions as to whether or not I am correct. It's gonna take a little backstory, but I would really appreciate some responses.

I've been thinking about Thanksgiving a lot recently, and how (in my family, at least) the men and women awake equally early: the men to go shoot targets and bond and what not, and the women to cook and set the table and prepare for dinner. After the meal, the men retire to the living room while the women clean up all the of the dishes they spent so much time making.

Of course, it's not as one-sided as all that- I'll be more than one of you gentlemen has been chased from the kitchen for offering to help. This led me on another train of thought, one that is not neccessarily holiday-related. It has to do with the way men and women typically think of work.

I think that men hold "work" and "not work" very separately. When men are at work--whether this be a job or a project they've undertaken-- they work and they work hard, liking few interuptions. When they are not at work, they do not want to do work of any sort. Think of the stereotypical man coming home, propping his feet up on the coffee table with a beer and the remote.

I don't believe women form so defined a line for "work" and "not work." When they are together, cleaning up after the family, this is also bonding time with their friends and relatives. Think women doing laundry as they watch television, read books as they nurse babies, listen to radio shows as they cook dinner.

Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you tend to pattern your thoughts this way? Do other people you know? I know sometimes it's a bit hard assign yourself to a stereotype (I know how much you guys hate that), especially if you've never really thought about it before. It's like if someone asks you whether you put your right or left shoe on first... I mean, who pays attention to that? Looking forward to some responses...

Hellllooooo, hydration.

2008-08-24T14:54:00.001-06:00

"The pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue states-- red states for Republicans and blue states for Democrats-- but I've got news for them. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states. We coach Little League in the blue states, and yes, we've got some gay friends in the red states. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq, and their are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging our allegiance to the Stars and Stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."

That's a quote from our boy Obama several years ago. He's so easy to fall in love with. I watched the speeches given by him and Biden yesterday. I think the good cop/bad cop image they've got going on is interesting; also notable are the political analyst that immediately dissect every speech. I wonder what effects these men and women have on voters. We watch the speeches together, and then they tell us what tricks were used. They point out the repetition of "working class" and the pot shots at McCain, and they let us know in no uncertain terms what buttons were pressed to cause what reactions. Does that change the effectiveness of political speeches?

I'm not sure. I, for one, found myself still enthralled. I hope I'm not being duped.

Reader's Digest just had some interesting interviews with both candidates. I like Obama a lot, although I worry about being caught up in the charismatic tornado and not the issues. I like to read about their stances instead of watching them speak because I think it helps me focus. Even so, I find my views to be more aligned with Obama than McCain. I think his lack of experience is certainly something to consider, although part of me actually finds that to be a positive; I would like the country to be shaken up. I think the most damaging thing to McCain for me is his patriotism. I consider myself a patriotic person; I do not consider the USA the greatest country in the history of man. I think that's a ridiculous claim, and one that we casually throw around. Now, if we wanna shout that from the rooftops, maybe also don't be assholes all the time? Just a thought.

Hmm, it's apparent from the end of that paragraph that I've run out political mojo. Bill Engvall just came on the television; this may have had a negative effect on my ability to care about the presidential situation for the next half hour. Sometimes it's nice to laugh at silly silly things.

Remember that time when I only ate boxes of tangerines?

2008-08-23T16:15:00.000-06:00

So, this one time we had a night off at Camp McDowell, and a lot of the staff were going to Birmingham, and some were going to Hanceville, and Lindsey was back from Africa and we were doing one or the other or both and then all of a sudden we weren't doing either, we were staying at camp and getting dinner at the Goldsmith's and drinking a glass of muskedine wine and talking about Uncle Wade and our family and our friends and our lives and going to bed.

And the next morning we woke up early and jumped off the bridge and Lindsey got a nose bleed and we got covered in mud trying to climb out of the creek. We trekked back to main camp and rinsed off and then swam in the pool, and at the end we really swam in the pool, and then we took showers and went to the thrift store and came back with matching blue shirts and brown and orange dresses and twenty-three cent vases.

And then we went to arts and crafts, painting and repainting our vases and not talking as much this time, and then we scrambled barefoot up to the car because the top was off and the rain was coming, and we made it, only just. Barefoot back down, and then we were soaking wet and not complaining, and then we made a candle out of a candle, and slowly the staff came wandering home and the bell rang, and the meeting began. The meeting was good, and dinner was good, and arts and crafts was still there, but this time it wasn't quiet, but it wasn't loud. And there was painting and dancing and singing, soft singing and loud singing, and the whole placed smelled of strawberry-kiwi bubbles and rooibos tea.

I know you are strong; may your journey be long; I wish you the best of luck...

2008-08-18T16:30:00.001-06:00

Here is a list of people I want to be like when I grow up:

Kee Sloan
Michael Goldsmith
Susanna Whitsett
Lindsey Mullen
Grampa
Lydia Atkins
Anna Lott
Chris Cook
Morgan Mullen

Just jottin' this down.

2008-08-15T19:04:00.001-06:00

Haley Bauer had lived for seven years without green peas or her father. She was introduced to both a week after her seventh birthday, and showed them equal disdain, making her mother very happy. Her father won't appear again in her life (or this story) until she is seventeen, and this time instead of trying to impress the daughter he doesn't know by make a dinner that includes green peas, he will introduce her to marijuana, with far better results.

Please, remember me, finally, and all my up-hill clawing...

2008-08-12T09:54:00.001-06:00

Well, friends, it turns out that Lindsey and I are infected with salmonella. We found this out only because of my sister's persistence; she called the hospital this morning. We're both still exhibiting symptoms and suffering mild to moderate and occasionally severe pain, so she wanted to know if there was anything the doctor could give us to at least ease things until the "virus" had run its course. They told us they weren't allowed to dispense medical advice over the phone, then called back 15 minutes later to say that our cultures showed we had salmonella and they'd call in an antibiotic. Great.

So now, finally, we may be on the road to recovery. Now, many people actually do go through this without antibiotics (and in fact, salmonella can be resistant to the medicine), but when things continue without improvement as long as our condition has, I think it's safe to say that antibiotics are a safe choice. Weakened immune systems often allow for the illness to take hold like this. I guess coming home from camp is a pretty vulnerable time, then, with all systems shot and us ready for a break. I gotta be honest, though... I wish I'd just gone to the beach. Then I could have avoided this whole mess.

Right now I'm left in a lethargic self-deprecating mood, lazy and tired and sore. There are so many things I need to be doing, from unpacking to school preparations. And I am so so tired of sitting around, but at the same time I don't have the energy or desire to do anything. Throw in some clouds, maybe some noontime rain for good measure, and it's looking like an all around depressing day.

Chin up, though, lass, it's not all bad! It's been neat to have all six of us living in the same house again, however briefly/unorganizedly/diseasedly. And the porch door is open, and a cool breeze is blowing off the Tennessee, August though it is, and I have you, all of you, so many of you!!!

I can't explain what it was like walking into my apartment after my stay at camp! I'm on the emotional high, this emotional loss, this twirling of emotions as I process another summer gone, trying to etch each memory, each person, in my limited memory, already thinking about the moments I was to late to save, and there, there on my wall in my tiny two-bedroom, pictures of everyone here, of my friends smiling and laughing a hugging and dancing and WOW! Wow to going from place to place and Wow to the smiling people greeting me and Wow to the friendships we've formed together and WOW for all the memories I've yet to form and yet to forget.

Am I losing my mind?

2008-08-10T15:55:00.000-06:00

This is probably not the update you were wanting, and it's certainly not the update I wish I was writing.

I have adventures upon adventures to lavish upon your willing ears, but for all I can think about is the growling of my stomach and the pounding my head.

Lindsey, Graham, Meagan, and I had dinner at my grandmother's Thursday evening. Around 1:30 that night I awoke with serious stomach issues, and began vommiting a few hours later. I went to sign some papers at UNA Friday morning, and I threw up there, too. I got to my parents' house around 11 to discover Lindsey exhibiting the same symptoms. We assumed it was something we'd eaten, and spent the next couple hours in bed. By that afternoon we felt things were on the upswing, but it was short-lived. By that evening our symptoms had gotten worse, and we discovered that our cousin Katie was also sick, knocking out the food poisoning theory. Unable to hold down any liquids or medicine, dehydration became a serious worry.

Around 6 Saturday morning Meagan took us to the ER to get IVs and a diagnosis. Both of us were dehydrated and my electrolytes were out of wack. They released us after a few hours, with instructions to have only clear liquids for the next six hours and Gatorades and such for the 12 hours after that.

I've been on a fairly strick Tylenol regime because every time I forget my temperature soars to 102 point something-or-other, and then I get the shivers. I've become less nauseous and even ate a piece of toast about half an hour ago. Lindsey's back to vommitting. I started my period today as well, as if I didn't have enough going on. Overall, we're pretty miserable. If you have an extra minute send us a message or a prayer or some good energies... we need them. We missed Uncle Bill's wake, his funeral, seeing Grandma and Great-Aunt Marie, and my other grandmother's 75th birthday.

So I'll just pretend that I know which way to bend...

2008-07-01T11:48:00.000-06:00

I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain & words that dance between people & for me, it will always be this way, walking the light, remembering being alive together.

Kings and queens, philosophers have tried so hard to find...

2008-06-30T17:27:00.000-06:00

Another birthday has passed, and all is well.

My first summer classes ever are finished; I wish I'd realized that I enjoy these short terms earlier. I feel like I've retained a lot more than I usually do. I think my grades will be pretty okay.

This has been one of the best birthdays I've ever had (and it has lasted a good five days!). Thursday was the actual day, as well as my last day of regular classes. Thank you for all of my birthday calls and messages and text messages!!! That night I went to DPs with Graham, Moonie; Mom and Dad came after a while, then Jeff and (what a suprise!) Jessica. We had a really nice/loud time, ending with a round of kamikazes before Jeff, Jessica, and I went to the apartment for some Mario Kart and cherry-cheesecake ice cream (and joined there Mr. Gunn). Friday after exams Jessica and I went to Huntsville with Mom, Moonie, and Meagan to visit Rosemary and Anne Marie (and their kids and such, Samantha and Alex and Katie and Joey). We all went to shoot pool at The Creek, a bar owned by one of Rosie's friends. We took a late night dip in the pool, goofing off with the kids and having a pretty fantastic time. We left in the morning to prepare for a lake party! Britni, Mark, Lance, and Odin got in that morning and met us at Grandmomma's. Jessica and O'Brian were there, and later Jennifer and Jennifer came by. Jonathan made it towards the end, and of course Graham, Moonie, and Meagan were there. Scott, Mike, and Uncle Keith also spent the day on the lake, which was great. Oh, in case you were wondering, future self, there were also a lot of dogs: Sunny, Bosco, Bella, Odin, and Abby, all present.

We spent most of the day basking in the sun and taking the occasional dip in the Tennessee. Towards the end of the day, after burgers and hot dogs, lots of beer and a no-hands cupcake eating contest (which Mark totally dominated), the family and adults went home and me, Jonathan, Lance, Mark, and Britni cleaned up and decided to have a long intense conversation on the porch (where we were joined by Jeff, too). After that we went back to my apartment and played cards and the 64 (sans Jonathan, plus O'Brian again) before heading to bed.

Sunday morning was lovely; we the traditional French toast breakfast and fresh canteloupe. I actually woke up around 7 and came over here to have a cup of coffee with my mother, which was really nice and peaceful. The days was lazy and nice; the Birmingham crew left, Jeff went to work, Jeff came back, we finished the Death Note series and went to bed.

Today I lunched at Applebees with my grandmother, took a long nap, sorted some laundry, and ended up at my parents house. I'll be leaving in a few minutes to have dinner with Nick and one of our clients.

Tomorrow I leave for Special Session, and I couldn't be less prepared or more excited.

Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice...

2008-06-23T21:15:00.000-06:00

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable.
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

The last scud of day holds back for me,
It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow'd wilds,
It coazes me to the vapor and the dusk.

I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,
I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jabs.

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from teh grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me once place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea...

2008-06-16T13:42:00.000-06:00

"The marriage of two derogatory terms, fag and hag, symbolis[es] the union of the world’s most popular objects of scorn, homosexuals and woman, creat[ing] a moniker that most of those who wear it find inoffensive, possibly because it smacks of solidarity." - Margaret Cho

I've posted this quote before, but I think it's worth re-visiting. I'm working on/just starting a paper with that as my jumping point. Here's hoping there are enough sources. I think I might do something about feminism in Nathaniel Hawthorne's work; we discussed it today in class. It's amazing to me now (after a lecture that partially focused on this, specifically in The Scarlett Letter) that this particular aspect of his writing wasn't discusses when we read it in high school. In fact, I recall very little being taught about women's issues in high school. I suppose it's much to radical a topic for young teenage minds-- or maybe I wasn't a willing receptacle? I will give them the benefit of a doubt.

Yesterday was the Florence Pride Picnic; it was very nice. I thought I would know more people there, but there were really more people from the older community. Father's Day probably wasn't the best Sunday to plan a picnic, either.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was the accidental feminist the other day; Jeff and I spent the night at my parents' house last week, and I couldn't find a bra to save my life, so... yeah. It was kinda fun, though. I crossed my arms for the first hour of the day or so before the f-it switch was flipped and I was transported to the radicals who began the movement.

* * *

Those were the days when the Earth was flat, and tourists flocked to the edges with their polaroid cameras and their loud children and their SUVs. And some came to cry, because it was beautiful. And some came to scoff, because nothing impresses some people. And some came to jump, becasue the edge of the world played the same song as the San Fransisco Bridge, if there had been a San Fransisco Bridge. If there had been a San Fransisco...
And Cam came to scoff, her and a van of silver-spoon misfits; instead she cried, and she didn't try to jump, but she almost fell-- different means to the same end, she thought, as the guard pulled her from the fence.

All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand.

2008-06-12T12:37:00.000-06:00

I finally turned in my notice at work, although I may stay on there a couple days a week once I'm back from Camp McDowell. Things are a little better now, I suppose. Working with Kari has helped that. I'm still overly tired, though, and summer school, while more condusive to my style of learning, is stressful because of my lack of time (and let's be honest, time is just a poor code for motivation).

I'm actually enjoying composition a lot more than I thought I would. I knew it would be interesting and laid back because it's Garner, but I didn't know we'd be workshopping so much. I believe taking Nature Writing helped me gain the confidence I needed to be honest in my edits. What I hadn't realized before was how much I enjoy editing, and that perhaps (*gasp!*) I have a talent for it. It's something I hadn't thought about before now, but it's a fun idea to toy with. I'm also eager to bring more pieces to the class to be workshopped. I do think I have some talent as a writer, but I'm afraid that I may have one solid style of prose and that's it. Some authors I can read back to back to back, and their style never fails to intrigue me. Others I enjoy, but if I read to many of their books in a row, I begin to feel like it's the same characters in a different story. I hope my writing isn't like that (or if it is, I hope I have the ability to develop it futher!).

Let's seque from writing to reading with a question... who is reading this old journal of mine? I've been suprised several times in the last year to find different people find this old blog interesting (even people who aren't involved in my day to day interactions). Recently, Lindsey mentioned a Matt who reads it (which may be a mutual Matt, I'm not sure), and an Andrew commented before... anyway, you lurkers with private profiles, leave me a hello message sometime! :)

I think I'm going over to Sheffield now to shoot some pool with my brother if he's around, or maybe my sister or Moonie. Tonight we're eating out for O'Brian's birthday (which was yesterday)! Mom and Dad leave tomorrow for Anna Maria, so color me jealous on that account. Florence Pride picnic is Sunday from 10-2 at Veteran's Park. Meagan's 19th birthday is Monday. Jessica will be here in less than two weeks, and Special Session is in less than three.

We're almost halfway around the sun right now, and Christmas is just around the corner.

Thank you for your message, but I don't understand...

2008-06-06T00:03:00.000-06:00

Lindsey is totally in South Africa, and if you would like to read about her journey thus far, click here. She is amazing.

Speaking of amazing, my sister Meagan is braiding my hair right now, and it is exuding kick-ass.

Speaking of kick-ass, I got a lot lof good reviews on the papers I turned in to my classmates in my composition class; the prof even had a lot of great things to say, which is especially flattering.

Speaking of flattering, I found a dress to tonight at Hollidays that I'm pretty in love with; I hope to buy it next pay check.

Speaking of pay check, my boss is barely competant, mostly due to her relationship with one of my completely incompetent co-workers. It's okay, though; my time there is almost over. Just keep my clients in your prayers; they need them.

Speaking of prayers, you are in mine always

Always.

You make hay when the sun don't shine; you don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime...

2008-06-03T22:32:00.001-06:00

O'Brian, I've developed a slight obsession with this song; it's been on repeat in the car for three days running and no end in sight.

Today was quite busy, but it wasn't nearly as stressful as it could have been. I got off work at six this morning, went home and cooked breakfast, took Jeff to work, came back home and took an hour nap, and went to class at 9:40. I've got one tough teacher and one fairly easy teacher; I've had both before. One is very reading intensive and the other writing intensive. Class was over at 1:50, so I went back home to take another hour nap before I was supposed to go out with my Little. She forgot about our plans, though, so we rescheduled for Thursday. We're going to see Prince Caspian. Sooo, not wanting to mess up my sleep patterns (not that there's much to screw up, considering my inability to sleep enter NREM) I went on to Sheffield and visited Jeff at the pool and then hung out at the house for a bit. I just got back from Sheffield Billiards, and here I am with you, Reader.

A request, if you please, and it's assuming a little, To those of you who read this old thing-- any entries caught your eye recently? And by recently, I mean in the three or four years I've been keeping this thing? One of my proffessor's suggested expanding old blogs into papers for her class. I know a lot of my journal is the simple recording of events which I don't imagine most people read, but every now and then I write about different things on my mind. If you have found anything remotely interesting and would like to suggest an expansion, let me know.

I saw you there with your hands above your head, spinning around, trying not to look down-

2008-05-31T12:53:00.001-06:00

Hey. This post is purely "what has happened."

Last Thursday morning Jeff and I went to Birmingham; we visited with his parents and grandmother and then I went to meet Lance at P.F. Chang's for our long-overdue date! We sat outside and got to talk and enjoy the delicious food. Afterwards we met Jeff at Barnes and Noble, then Lance went home and Ricky picked Jeff and I up to go visit at Justin's apartment. We spent the night at Ricky and Josh's house, from which we left early the next morning for Pensecola! I road in a car with Patrick and Zack (two of Jeff's friends I hadn't met before, but who I really enjoyed) and Jeff; we were following Ricky, Josh, Justin, and the wonderful Chris. The ride down was fairly uneventful, with ideal driving conditions and funny commentary (we had walkie-talkies) and the gayest music I've ever listened to (Britney, Mariah, Destiny's Child, Madonna, Beyonce...). We checked into the hotel, got our backpacks and headed to the beach to set up camp. Speaking of camp... wow.

We did some walking and whatnot as the boys said hello to their friends from years back, and then we went to Peg Leg Pete's (Jeff's favorite restaurant) and ate dinner with Jessica! We had a rowdy time and got to harrass some really attractive waiters. I left with Jessica amidst a downpour and we headed back to her apartment in Destin (which f-ing rocks, btw). The next morning she went to work and hung out with her roommate, Amanda. We did a little grocery shopping before going on a mini-adventure trying to get into the complex's pool, where we got to play with a beautiful little three year old. A combination of beer, distraction, and not having a key and therefore not being able to leave the pool led us to become quite red. By red, I mean roasted. Like whoa. That night Jessica and I went out and about and saw Baby Mama, which I really enjoyed. We capped the night by splurging on some toasted brie with honey and almonds.

Sunday I went to work with Jessica, where I finished The Testament. Jessica ended up getting of work for Monday, so we didn't go from there to P'cola as planned; instead we went home to take a nap and then went out with Amanda for a fire works display! Jessica and I had a crab and arichoke pizza that was fanastic.

Monday morning we met back up with the boys for the trip home; Jeff and I left from Birmingham and ate with his dad in Cullman; we got back at about 9:50 and I got to work around 10:05. I got off at 6 Tuesday morning, picked Jeff up and came over the parents' house. Jeff and I went with the parents to take Lindsey to the Huntsville airport to catch her plain to D.C. We went to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch and came back home.

Sometime in the days to follow (or was it before all that?) we ate lunch at Casa with Meaghan, Shareese, and O'Brian before chilling at M-dawg's house before work. Last night we ate with the same crew plus T.J. and Nick and then hung out at the apartment for several hours. My friends are the greatest.

I've also played pool a couple times with Mom, Graham, Meagan, and Moonie, but I'm not sure when that was. I will update again soon with something more intesresting, I promise... for now, I'm glad to have this recorded. :)

It's not my fault if you get wierded out.

2008-05-20T09:13:00.001-06:00

I was watching Rachel Maddow and Geraldine Ferraro on MSNBC this morning speaking on gender issues and how they played into the presidential race. Maddow mentioned the incident pictured above, in which two men raised these signs and chanted during one of Senator Clinton's rallies. I'm not the most politcally aware person out there, but I keep fairly good tabs on current events; I hadn't heard about this until today. I looked for the story afterwards, finally finding a Fox report on it. Most of the hits were about the same sign being held at a golf protest. Maddow asked how the audience would have reacted had two men help up a sign that read "Shine My Shoes" at one of Obama's events.

Wow.

I'd actually just been thinking about that after a recent A Softer World comic which I believe addresses the same issue. (The comic touches on gender roles and stereotypes rather frequently*, as if I didn't have enough reasons to love it.) Personally, I don't support Clinton. While I find her charismatic, I am more interested in the things Obama has to say. However, I do not want him to win because Clinton has been criticized constantly and consistently for being either too manly (ie, assertive, well-spoken, successful) or too emotional (ie, feminine (and a stereotype that may harm men even more than it does women)). This is similar to voting for Obama simply because he's black. While I am thrilled to be a part of what will hopefully be the first black president, I want him to win because most of the country comes together to support the ideas he presents. I don't want his win to be tarnished by claims of victory for blacks in America or whatever else the headlines may read. His election would be a victory for all of us, both because of his ideals and ideas which may help our country and because of his status as a minority.

I've sidetracked to race, however, which is an entirely different kettle of fish (or is it, considering the average black family consists of a mother and her children? Some day soon...). The two are certainly bedmates, however, when it comes to accepted discrimination. Everyone of of us comes from a background of degredation and humiliation, whether it was because of a family's race, religion, nationality, or social status. While black enslavement has been one of the most recent shames in our troubled human history, it is still just one of many plights we have inflicted on each other. Today, passive aggressive racism is still very present though not condoned. Women, however, are still widely regarded as second class citizens, and I'm talking here in our own backyard, folks.

I'm not sure how to change things, though I think the first step is awareness, so I hope this has been somewhat enlightening. Mostly right now, I just hope that my daughters never want those popular shirts that say "Future First Lady."

I have much to tell you soon, dear Reader.

*Here are some others that I feel address related issues:
I used to want to plant bombs, the night of the prom.
serious inquiries only
She's never too tired.
nice girls don't
well, and playing with myself a bit too.
I contain a factory for producing my own prison.
any sufficiently complex system is hackable
Fuck this coy shit.

Heap on wood, kindle the fire, consume the flesh, and spice it well, and let the bones be burned.

2008-05-10T16:25:00.000-06:00

Yep... that title is a quote from God. It sounds more like something from Titus Andronicus.

Moving on- I'm starting a spice garden! Today I got rosemary, basil, and fennel. I'll probably go back and get oregano and parsley as well, but I'd like to see how these do first. I'm so excited! Morbidly enough, I got the itch to finally start this little project (which I've been thinking about for a while) after watching Rosemary's Baby last week. The witches have a spice garden. Also last week we watched Angela's Ashes, which was about as depressing as the book (and pretty good except for being so long and gray).

It doesn't make sense to pay four dollars for dried spices when the plant costs 3, provides, fresh herbs, smells lovely, and provides an endless supply of the product. I got them with Mom today; I spent the night here at the house last night and then went out with her on errands (which included flower shopping). Oh, I also got a cutting board today!

In other cooking news... I've been working on a chocolate souffle! I've done three in the last two days, trying to get it just right. I'm going to make one for Mother's Birthiversary Day.

I'm going to finish this book I've been reading called On the Prowl. It's got short stories buy Patricia Briggs (I love everything she does), Eileen Wilks (whose story I am enjoy immensely), Karen Chance and Sunn (I haven't gotten to their stories yet). Good day!

You can't disappoint me, because whatever you are is exactly what I want.

2008-05-10T11:37:00.000-06:00

I have discovered something about myself thanks to the Grammar class I had this semester. I'm still trying to figure out how I made a college course entirely devoted to sentence structure relate to my life, but did it I did. (Analyze THAT!)

I've struggled for a while to reconcile two sides of my nature. Part of me is compulsive-- the part that only likes to walk on bricks pathways and who doesn't like the television volume to be on an odd number (unless it's a multiple of five) and who WILL NOT drink milk past the sell-by date. Part of me is disaster-- the part who goes on spontaneous road trips and plans last minute picnics and never wears matching socks.

Well, here's what I discovered: I like boxes. I like things to have labels, a place to go, a category in which to fit. BUT I like when things escape those boxes. I like knowing that things have a category they have chosen to abandon, rather than thinking they are worldly misfits. I guess this doesn't make sense. I like it, though.

I thank God tonight for the light I got in music...

2008-05-08T08:32:00.002-06:00

I'm getting kinda tired of this campaign game. I really like this quote from Obama: "You have a real choice in this election. Either Democrat would be better than John McCain – and all three of us would be better than George Bush." I know he's said before than electing McCain would be like four more years of Georgie, but at least we'd get a new face. Anyway... go Dem's.

Jeff had work this morning so I came over to the parents' house to visit with Mom before she went to work. Now we're under a tornado warning; Graham fixed me some brown sugar oatmeal and we're watching The Daily Show.

Could you all take a second and listen to this song? It's really beautiful. You don't have to watch the video; it's just done by some kids on youtube. Shareese, I think you'll really enjoy it. Beautiful.

I may still have some stuff due at the Women's Center today, but aside from that I'm finished with this semester. I have summer courses starting on June 3 and ending June 27.

McCain is actually on the Daily Show right now... Jon Stewart is so freaking hilarious. I believe I've expressed before my desire to marry him. Also, McCain is really adorable, but in a Teddy Ruxpin sort of way. I wouldn't trust him.

In my head there's a Grey Hound station where I send my thoughts to far off destinations...

2008-05-05T11:27:00.000-06:00

I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes, but if the silence takes you than I hope it takes me, too... so brown eyes, I'll hold you near, cause you're the only song I want to hear-- a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

My body is a movie...

2008-05-01T21:43:00.001-06:00

I have gotten better at pool; Meaghan might not believe so after the two games we just played, but trust me, I have. :-p She met Graham and I at DPs this evening for some pool shooting fun. Yay!

What's been up... man. Okay. School is almost out. That's good.

I'm working tomorrow from 9am to 10pm. It should be a fun day; I actually have to be up at 6 to take Jeff to work so we can both use the car. Oh, and my client that was sick is now better,although another client is currently unwell, so if you've got a moment send a prayer to her... I can't tell you the name, but God will know who you mean.

I had a really fun time at work last Friday. I only had one client, and he and I spent most of the day at the park before going to Wal-mart to get stuff for an apple pie. I saw Karen there. It was kinda surreal. I kinda think of her every day. It is very hard for me to accept the demise of a friendship. The slow fade of love, perhaps, but an end to which I have not consented bothers me horribly. She was with her dad, I suppose, and I was with my client. Anyway, I got my client home and watching a movie and then I stepped outside for a good cry.

In other depressing news... Bo's missing again. As of tomorrow morning he'll have been gone for two weeks. I've had about three good long cries about him, but I think the lack of finality in a disappearance is keeping me from mourning as he deserves and as I need to move on.

In good news... most of my family went to Tuscaloosa Tuesday night to see Lindsey's documentary! It was fantastic, as were all of the shows. Jeff and I left that afternoon and picked up Meagan and Moonie in Birmingham, then we met Mom and Dad there. Afterward we (sans Lindsey, who was celebrating with her classmates at one of the local pubs) ate at this lovely Italian restaurant where (apparently) Chris Cook works! Chris is one of my favorite people in the world, so it was, as one might imagine, a fantastic surprise.

I've been through a lot of phone havoc recently, but I think I'm semi-set now. Still no internet at the apartment. Boo.

As fickle as these streets are, they might not even wait around 'till then...

2008-04-22T20:47:00.001-06:00

Wellllll... here are some things.

One of my clients is in the hospital, so keep her in your prayers. I've been spending a good bit of time there, and at work in general.

I'm trying to get in hours at the Women's Center; we're selling cupcakes Thursday. Come visit!

Friday night! I went to the circus with work, which was mostly fun and a little disasterous. Afterwards I was crampy and tired, but we had party plans so I pepped up. Actually, I didn't think I was going to have fun at all, but it's hard to be sad around my friends. I got to my parents' house (they were in Virginia this past weekend for Aunt Marie's birthday) and they were already there. Jessica was in town (yay!), and Jeff and T.J. and Graham were there with chips and such. Meaghan and Nick came after a while and we played beer pong and cards and pretty much had a whale of a time.

Speaking of... have you ever seen "Mozart and the Whale"? It's got Josh Hartnet and he's a guy with Asperger's who starts a support group and also falls in love. I really enjoyed it; if there's a book, I would like to read it. I don't think there is, though.

I have finished Eat, Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert, and I must say, it was magnificant. She is fun to read and has some amazing insight (made all the more enjoyable by the journeys she's taken to reach enlightenment). I hope you all ready it.... I was going to make a list of people who would really get it, but I think you would all get something out of it. Anyway, I'll probably be blabbing about it especially to those individuals I think would most appreciate it.

Saturday after work Jonathan and I met Jessica at the Sheffield rec. where Jeff was working, where we visited with himand then shot some pool before we all headed to the Blvd. again. Meaghan came over and we all played some Wii! It was amazing. Meaghan and Jessica went home and Jeff and Jonathan and I spent the night here.

Bo has been missing for a couple days. He's been missing once or twice before and turned up later... I hope that's the case this time. I've looked everywhere I can think of (as have my parents and brother). I guess now we just pray.

After class and some time at the Women's Center today I went back to the apartment and then Jeff and I went to TVA. He ran while I walked one of the trails... I noticed an opening into the woods I hadn't seen before, so I took that. I meandered around the forest, founds some water to dip my toes in, passed a dead snake, and was eventually spit out on a road. I followed that until it intersected the running trail, which I took back to my car. I called Thomas while I waited on Jeff; we were still talking when Jeff returned and he and I walked another mile or so. Thomas is great; it was really nice to talk to him. We left there to run by the store for buns and such for the bbq Mom brought home from VA; we watched NCIS and ate with my parents. It was nice.

Also really nice was getting to see Tammy today, who I haven't gotten to hang out with recently. Brittany, who is in a couple classes with me, is also cool times 12. I would really like to keep in touch with her after this semester.

Ohhh, Jeff and I went to visit Eric last night. We brought chocolate brownie ice cream and sat on the porch and just talked for a couple hours. It was amazing. You know, there are a lot of good people in this world. I hope you realize this.

But none of them were home inside their catacombs!

2008-04-22T13:45:00.001-06:00

This is how it works-
You're young until you're not!
You love until you don't!
You try until you can't!
You laugh until you cry!
You cry until you laugh!
And everyone must breathe until their dying breath...

You bear God within you, poor wretch, and know it not.

2008-04-11T13:04:00.000-06:00

So, it's been raining cats and dogs this morning, but I find it strangely refreshing. I'm enjoying my first day off in a couple weeks. I went to work with Jeff this morning at around 6:30; we grabbed some McDonald's breakfast and headed to the pool. I left Jeff there after a bit and went to the Blvd. to say hello to the folks before they left for work. I played with Abby and Bo some and spent a few hours watching Golden Girls, Spin City, Frasier, a new Dolly Parton video, and a sprinkling of America's Next Top Model. I also watched part of a History Channel program on gun exhibitionists which was quite interesting; apparently it's guns all day on channel 42, as later (after picking Jeff up) we watched a special on snipers, after which aired a show just on the M16.

Now we're at the apartment and Jeff is showering before we go snag some Mexican food, then I'm heading back to Sheffield to spend the afternoon with the fam.

I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love, and I am impressed. It's fantastic, and it's broken into manageable little pieces that I really enjoy. It's making me want to travel, though. My oh my, but I want to live in Italy. I'm also making my way slowly through Schoolgirls, which is good, though it's a lot of information to process. I recently read a couple romance novels; they were okay, I suppose. One actually had a really interesting plot line- by the halfway point of the book I just started skipping the monotonous sex scenes all together. I've read four romances now (well... I'm in the middle of two and I've finished two), and I have to say, they are all pretty awful.

Now, I'm not one to be picky about sexual preferences. And, as many of you know, I'm a sucker for the knight in shining armor type. I even like the rough and tumble kinda boys, the ones who do what they want and are bossy and protective and all that jazz... to an extent. These books all have these hopeless/helpless women who resist the men throughout the book, always giving into their lust at the last minute (about halfway through his rape of her, usually). Geezus. It makes me angry. I'm not going to read any more of these any time soon.

I've been working a lot... we spent an amazing afternoon at the park Wednesday, and we attended a Special Olympics Banquet Tuesday (where we say Elvis and Garth Brooks!). And the day before that, we celebrated Meaghan's birthday!!! We did dessert first with chocolate fondue (dipping angel food cake and strawberries). Then we had a Mexican Mash (a recipe I got recently at camp). Meaghan was there, of course, as well as Jeff, O'Brian, Jarmel, and Edward. We missed the rest of you a lot. Anyway, it's time for me to get some grub... oh, and I hope everyone is having a killer time in New Orleans. Love!

Happy yesterday to all-- we were born to die!

2008-04-07T01:13:00.001-06:00

I like my new job. I don't love my new job, but I like it. I love the clients I work with. I'm not sure how I feel about the company or a couple co-workers, but overall things are pretty good. It's... well, it's kinda stressful. Sometimes the environment can be volatile, and things can switch directions so quickly that there's a constant worried voice in the back of my head. Mostly, though, we have a lot of fun.

School is okay. I have a test Tuesday in Minor's class and I really need to catch up on some grammar stuff, but mostly it's okay. I need a million hours at the Women's Center. Hey, I'm running a fund-raiser for Africa this month, but more on that later. I was supposed to go to New Orleans this weekend, but I can't. It's very sad. I can't take off work because I've taken off so much with all my recent sickness (not to mention having to pay for doctor's visits and medicine while not making money). I was looking forward to crazy bonding with the ladies from the WC, not to mention helping a great cause. Shittiest thing? I just got a new boss making a new schedule, and I'm scheduled to be off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (and she said I would probably stop working Sundays as well). This sucks because (a) I need the hours/money and (b) if I'm not working, I should be in Louisiana!

Umm... illness update. Staph infection gone; UTI here. After almost of full week of enjoying almost full health, I headed to a work meeting Monday feeling slightly off kilter. At 2 I was on my way to work, and I had a temp of 99; still, nothing big. I left at 6:30 with 100 degree fever and took some ibuprofen when I got home. It was 101 when I went to class the next day, and almost 102 when I left class halfway into it. Jeff came with me to the doctor's office, where I was told I had a virus and a UTI.

I feel much better now; a lot of people have reacted in a way that implies I should be in a lot of pain, but I'm not. There's only mild discomfort and I get tired quickly.

I'm one pay check away from not having to stress about money. Yay! Also, my Aunt Alice gave me a cookbook called "Cook for a Day Eat for a Month," and a week or so ago I did the two-week plan in there. Our freezer is full of good eats, and so far everything we've tried has been really good. We've had stuffed peppers and lentil soup and chili and spaghetti pie. I'll keep you updated on the other dishes.

Did I even tell you about the fabulous weekend I spent at Camp McDowell? Wow oh wow. It was amazing.

Also, I'm about to buy some viney plants to grow on our little privacy fence in the back yard. Get excited.

But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete...

2008-04-05T00:21:00.001-06:00

Hey.

Sometimes I feel like a cup with a tiny hole in the bottom; it's a hole so small you can't even see it. Nothing even drips from the cup-- you only know it's there because there's a wet ring on the table every time you move it. And you keep pouring more and more water in the cup, refilling it every day, thinking it can hold just a little bit more, but really it's full, it's really full and it's floating on a thin membrane of its own offerings, and you still keep checking it, filling it, filling it until clumsy people are afraid to come in the room because they might bump the table and that would be the end of the cup that's too full.

Sometimes I feel this way with good things. Sometimes I feel this way with bad things.

Sometimes I feel like maybe the good things are the cup and the bad things are the water, and the cup's okay because it's got so many layers, and as long as the layers are together they'll keep all the water until it evaporates, until it disappears, or at least until it's manageable again.

Then sometimes you don't like school and you don't like your job and you don't fall in love and you never have money and you keep losing friends and you're always sick and you don't remember how to talk to God and none of the layers are broken but none of the layers are whole.

When that Southern anthem sings it will lay her burdens down...

2008-03-20T23:42:00.000-06:00

First things first: Iron and Wine is always good. Always always always.

Second things second: Thank you for all of your prayers, energies, and good wishes! I'm feeling much much much better!

And third things, here, appropriately third: Don't forget that I love you.

And all the styrofoam began to melt away!

2008-03-17T11:42:00.000-06:00

Hey. I know I just texted a bunch of you, but here's an lj update.

Thursday afternoon a spot on the left side of my nose began to swell up pretty badly (a cyst, I figured). Friday evening my throat became a little sore and the swelling hadn't gone down. Saturday I woke up and the lymphnodes on the right were swollen. I checked my temperature that afternoon and it was at 100 or so. By that evening it was 102 and the swelling in both places was increasing. Dad took me to Med Plus yesterday (still 102 temp, with ibuprophen every 4 hours). The doctor said the swelling on my face was causing the temperature and sore throat; apparently I have a staph infection. So, I got a shot in my face, then he lanced the swelling. I had blood drawn from my right arm and got a shot on the left side of my rear end. Last night my temperature got up to about 104 and I had chills and couldn't get warm to save my life. When I woke up my throat was throbbing but my temp was down. It's back up to about a 100 right now, so that's not too bad.

It's not as terrible as it sounds; I just don't have the energy to dress this post up with funny asides and light-hearted adjectives. I've been staying at my parents for some TLC. I should be better

So, if an old friend I know drops by to say hello, would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

2008-03-16T20:21:00.000-06:00

I stood under the water for a good 45 minutes
Until my hair was matted down my back
And my pretty white breasts were an angry mottled pink.
And still
I cannot
get
warm.

Won't you help a brother out?

2008-03-11T20:31:00.001-06:00

I had my first day of work Sunday, and it was fantastic! I'm working for Scope 10, which has several group homes in the area. I'll be working primarily at a house with three women; Nick works at a house right down the street and comes to visit! We watched 16 Candles, went bowling, and spent an hour coloring... talk about a good day!!!

Ohhhh, k. Wednesday Jeff, Jonathan, and I watched the Leo Awards; they were pretty okay. Hey, free shirt! Thursday night O'Brian, Christian, Kevin, and I met Meaghan and Tammy in Tuscumbia to watched some short films; they were really impressive. It was a good event. I decided to spend the night at my parents' house on impulse, which was nice. They've replaced the shower doors in the big bathroom with a curtain though, which is super lame. That afternoon I think I shot pool with Graham and then went home. Saturday we headed back to Sheffield again because Jeff had work and Graham and I went back to DPs, where Tammy and Lindsay came to shoot for a while. I picked up Jeff at some point, who joined us. Later Tammy and Lindsay left and then Mom got there, then Jeff and I went to pick up Meagan and Moonie and bring them back to the bar, and then Dad met us, and BAM! The most of the Mullen Family was hustling at the pool hall. It was a lot of fun (but we missed you, Lindsey).

Speaking of Lindsey! She's totally going to Guatamala for her Spring Break. wa-POW!

Anyway... Sunday, worked 10-6, Monday, worked 6-10, today had med class from 9-12 and school from 12:30-3:15. The rest of the week... looks like orientation tomorrow from 8-4, CPR re-cert. and class Thursday, med class, work, and poetry slam Friday, work and Eve Ensler Saturday.

I was supposed to hang out with Little Jessica today, but she forgot and went to a friend's house. Hopefully the weather will be pretty Sunday and we can hang out at the park. Hey, we got a little snow this week... I wish we'd get a really really big snow. I'm also ready for summer. Oh, and they finally fixed out carpet this afternoon. Woo!

Here is a poem. It is a work in progress.

2008-03-06T23:19:00.001-06:00

I was going to make you dinner.
I was going to make you dinner because I know you had a long day, and because you're tired, and because I love you.
I was going to make you dinner... but I didn't.
I didn't make you dinner because I remembered that it's the 21st century, and women don't belong in kitchen.
Never mind the fact that I like to cook.
I didn't make you dinner because then you might expect me to make you dinner tomorrow, and I might not want to make dinner tomorrow.
I didn't make you dinner because I couldn't figure out whether it was what I wanted to do for you or what society wanted me to want to do for you.
I wanted to make you dinner, but I didn't.
So I thought maybe we could go out to eat.
But we can't.
I thought maybe we could go out to eat, but then I remember I'm a little short on cash right now.
And I know you would buy me dinner, but then I would feel like I owe you something.
And I know you wouldn't expect anything, but I would feel like I owed you something, and it wouldn't be a coincidence when I felt like going down on you later.
Never mind the fact that I like giving you head almost as much as I like to cook.
And never mind the fact that I might have been in mood anyway.
The point is, men are traditionally the bread winners, and if I let you buy me dinner, I'm re-enforcing that role.
And the point is, women are traditionally responsible for dinner, and if I cook you dinner, I'm re-enforcing that role.
And the point is...

I guess we're both gonna starve before I figure out how to be the domestic feminine goddess I really want to be.

You give me something I need- now tell me I've got something for you...

2008-03-03T11:45:00.000-06:00

It comes as a recent realization that good days are as emotionally draining as bad days, just in a different way. As I write that, I realize that it should be common sense, and I suppose, Reader, it's old hat to you, but it's taking me some time to wrap my head around it.

This weekend was draining in both good and bad ways. Jeff and I overslept Friday; he was supposed to be at the pool at 6:45ish, but we rolled in around 7:30. Ouch. I dropped him off and went to pick up Bosco and head to the vet. Our little man is now a boy; he also still has a dislocated hip, and he may have to have the same surgery Bo had. Damn. I left Bosco at the vet and picked up Mickey D's breakfast for Jeff and I and went back to the pool until he got off and we went home. That evening he had work again, so I took him and spent some time with Meagan at the house; she went out and Tammy came over and we headed to DPs, but my parents were leaving. Fastforward: I picked up Jeff and we met Graham, Tammy, Nick, and Meaghan at Sheffield Billiards. Shooting was a lot of fun- I'm even getting better, thanks to the tutalage of my dear brother! That doesn't mean I'm "good" or even "decent," mind you... just better. ;)

Meaghan and Nick spent the night; we stayed up for a while playing card games before hitting the sack. In the morning we were all fired up for a killer breakfast. We were in the middle of making pancakes, eggs, and waffles when I discovered that our storage closet downstairs was flooded. This was only the first of our flood discoveries; turns out they were replacing a water heater in the apt next to ours, which then burst and flooded it and the two neighboring units. Sooo, this means our carpet was completely soaked for half of the living room and both closets were in standing water. All our stuff is on the back porch now; we have to bring it in today because there are supposed to be storms tomorrow.

Now, as miserable as that sounds, Saturday was actually a really nice day. As the maintanence people did their version of cleaning, we finished cooking and headed to the back yard. O'Brian came over and Jeff woke up and the six of us ate breakfast on blankets in the sunshine. Afterwards we broke out the trivial pursuit and Jonathan came to play for a while. Soon the sun shifted and we found ourselves in hte shadows, so we decided to uproot and drive to Diebert Park, where we ate Girl Scout cookies and continued the game before dispersing. Jeff and I headed to Sheffield, he to work and I to DPs to shoot pool with Graham. Loni was there with her boyfriend, so I talked to her for a while. I really like her a lot, so that was nice. I also talked to Melina Bolden, who was there with her boyfriend as well. Melina and I probably talked more Saturday night than we did the entire time we were in high school. I always remember her being really sweet, and she still is.

I know you're dying to here about yesterday, and trust me, I want to tell you, but my fingers are tired and I need a shower. Later, gator!

Oooh a secret mission. I'll take the case!

2008-02-22T20:20:00.001-06:00

Well well. I am feeling much better today. Much much better. Still sick, mind you, but compared to yesterday, I'm flying high high high! I'm still achey in my joints and ribs, my stomach is still making angry noise occasionally, and my throat still hurts some, but that's all right now.

In other news... I've been making soundtracks for my past several years. See, I've been keeping this here journal since 2004, I think. So, I took all the titles that were lyrics from songs each year and I'm making a little playlist. It's interesting to see who I was into when; there are certainly concentrations of different artists at different points in my life. Last year included a lot of Avett Brothers; before that the Decemberists dominated; before that was a lot of BNL and much more rap and country that I would have expected.

Other news... Jeff was really sweet this morning. He had work from 6:45 until 10. He woke me when he got back with breakfast and a handful of pills (mmm!). Simple, yes, but a nice way to wake up. My throat was sore this morning, but it was a pleasant distraction. Let's see... tomorrow I think I'll head to Birmingham with my family to see Meagan's last basketball game and to spend some time with my Grandma, who has been in town. Sunday I plan to do nothing. Monday I take the last pill in my Z pack!

At some point next week I need to go to the Health Department and get a TB test. I also get to submit to a urine test for the job I'm hoping to get. Here's hoping I pass that. :-/ I should be clear, though, by now.

Oh, a lot of you have seen the pictures I've been painting. I'm selling those now, so if you're interested let me know. I'm thinking between 2 and 5 bucks will get you anything I've done. Just let me know. :)

You think you're in control?

2008-02-22T00:26:00.000-06:00

Well, I think you're crazy....

As my dad would say, I am one sick puppy. I think I've managed to contract both strep throat and the flu at the same time. I've never had the flu before now, and it's been several years since I had strep throat. My immune system, in general, does a good job. I guess this was just vacation week, though, and everything slipped in.

All through December I fought some nasty congestion, finally feeling better around New Year's. For the last week or two I've had some sinus problems and a bit of a head cold (culminating Thursday morning). but I had mostly shaken that off. I'd maintained a bit of a stuffed up nose, but that was about it. Now, Tuesday evening I began to get a soar throat, but I attributed to all the drainage on my throat and the shifting weather. Wednesday morning, however, I woke up with tears on my face from the pain in my throat. I took some Aleve and drank some tea and felt better. I went to a job interview at Scope 10 and Jeff and I watched Life Support at UNA for the AIDS program. I was still feelings alright until later that evening, when my throat began to ache so badly that I began sobbing, which, as you can imagine, didn't help my throat! Seriously... there's a large marble-sized swelling on the back of my left tonsil that looks like a blister. The right side of my throat isn't the least bit inflamed, which I thought was strange.

Sooo, Jeff, being the dear heart that he is, made a late night trip to Wal-mart and came backed armed with lots of pain-relievers, so all last night I was been taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen (alternating every two hours) and gargling salt water every half hour or so. This morning I woke up at 9ish to go to the infirmary, where I got a shot to reduce the swelling and a prescription for a Z-pack. My ribs were hurting, which was strange. Fast forward some: my mom filled my prescription and brought me ice cream; my throat still hurts but not as badly; my everything is sore and my bowels are completely liquid; I'm taking Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Mucinex, and the Z-pack; I'm dehydrated; my temperature has dropped.

Jeff ventured out again for me and got Gatorade and yogurt and soup and Vitamin C tablets and juices. Jess sent me a health food page with a chicken broth recipe that I'm making right now (kinda... I don't have a couple of the ingredients, but I'm just leaving them out... hope it's good anyway). I tired, but I'm not cranky. I've been joking with Jeff a lot about me being sick, mostly because it helps me.

I really don't get sick that often. I mean, I'll get the occasional sniffles, but rarely do I get sick enough that I can't do the things I want/need to do. This is the first time in a long time that I've just wanted to be isolated until I feel better. My stomach hurts now, but I'm going to get some broth. I will feel better in the morning.

I don't know why I felt the need to record all of this. I guess I just wanted it out of my system (mental and physical!).

All those crazy Italians... you don't call them by name.

2008-02-20T02:18:00.000-06:00

Well, kids, it has been too long, once again.

   I've been listening to pandora a lot recently. Song writers amaze me. There are so many songs out there-- good songs, real songs-- and still they keep coming, new music every day! It's beautiful!

Soooo... lots has happened, I guess, and though I'm sure to leave out some events, I hope I remember all the high points.

   I went to Birmingham two weekends ago. Well, I went to Cullman to spend the night with Jeff Thursday, then we traveled to Birmingham the next night for Lance's birthday. Overall it was a lame birthday celebration, but it was great to see my friends and hang out at Loco's. Jeff and I went to the club afterwards to see Mr. Christopher Anderson. He gave me Mardi Gras beads! It was great to see him. We also ran into Little Brian! Overall, a rather tame night at the Quest. We got home Saturday and I went to babysit at the Tomlinsons; huzzah.

Umm... the Vagina Monologues are over! I'm really glad I participated; there are some amazing people in the world, and I got to work with a handful of them. Practices were spiced up with some fantastic finger foods from Susan and Katie, two of our cast members. Susan also hosted the cast party in her loft above Metropolis Music on Court Street. Needless to say, it was a steller events. Thanks to all of you who came to see the show! O'Brian, Jennifer, Sandy, Grace, Jonathan... amazing! My parents and grandmothers came on Wednesday night-- whoa! Yes, both my dear old grandmothers. I actually think Grandmomma enjoyed it more than Grandma, which is amusing to me. Anyway, my monologue was Hair, which is relatively tame, so maybe that helped them not go into shock. Mom and Dad even seemed to enjoy it! Graham also came to see the performance on Thursday.

   Pratik spent the night at my house that night, and we spent a lot of time together Friday, which was lovely. I really enjoyed getting to talk and cuddle with him. We straightened my hair, and it looked fabulous for all of two days before the torrential rains Sunday morning, but we'll get to that, won't we? Tammy came over later in the afternoon and we painted some and watched Shortbus before they headed home to prepare for the poetry slam (at which they both read later!). J.T. brought in Stacie Boschma, who was absolutely fabulous. I wish she'd done a longer set, but she was still fun to watch. Tammy and Pratik both read as well, plus a few other local talents. We actually sat around talking for a while afterwards (me, Christian, Tammy, David, Pratik, O'Brian, Meaghan, Nick, and J.T.), which was so nice and calm and perfect. Later I hung out at Megan's for a bit before heading home. Oh, also, Jonathan was there, of course, as well as Louise, David, Edward, Sihya, Stephanie, and J.J.

The next afternoon Graham and I head to Tuscaloosa for Lindsey's 21st Smurfday Party! It was amazing! Beforehand we grilled; Stephanie came to play, and we had mozerella and spinach stuffed steak. Yum? You betcha. We aslo grilled asparagus and squash. Everyone wore blue, and they served blue punch and jello shots! Faces I already knew: Andrew Harris, Alex Cornett, Worth Stewart, Stephanie Baily, Lydia Atkins, Chris Cook, Ryan Spain, Melissa King, Jeff Lollar, Emily Thornton, Austin Kendrick, Andrew W., Genivieve, Turket. Oh heavens, I don't know why I embarked on this naming list, as I'm sure to forget someone! I guess I just want to remember your beautiful blue faces forever, and to look back on the journal and smile at the mention of your names. I also met some beautiful new people, like Marc, Yu, Winston, and Beth. I think the only not so fun thing about the party was the lack of Meagan; alas, my poor sister was sick. :( Oh, that and throwing up on Lindsey's floor. That wasn't fun either.

   The next morning we made waffles in Lindsey's new Cinderella waffle maker! They were de-lish. After the necessary post-party circle chat over breakfast, Graham and I headed home via Birmingham so we could stop in and check on Meagan and Moonie and Abby. We picked up Jeff in Cullman. I'm had pretty bad cramps the next day, but it wasn't a bad day overall. I got to spend it with Jeff, which was nice, because I missed him while he was gone. We spent yesterday running errands, watching Rules of Attraction, and eating. It was... well, nice. Hold on, now I'm having an Eternal Sunshine moment.

Other little things... I've spent a lot of time at the Women's Center with Tammy and Pratik recently; we've had quite a few really late nights, which has been fun. I've also spent several evenings at Megan and Spencer's, which has been great. Umm, Tammy brought me a rose on Valentine's Day, as well some get well stuff, which made me feel very special (even though I was kinda out of it and sick that day). I've hung out at my parents' a couple times; I enjoy them more than I ever thought possible. They are amazing. YOU are amazing, reader! Hurray!

Good good morning, Sun...

2008-02-04T12:06:00.001-06:00

I forgot to tell you, dear Reader, that I went with Christian to visit Beth and her babies in the hospital last week. She's doing a lot better, though keep her in your prayers. Amber and Abigail are still in a little isolated nursery, but we got to see them through the glass. They're like tiny tiny perfect dolls. We also named another set of twins there: Audrey and Ashton. There's also a little premie boy, and we shall call him Austin.

Friday! Friday I went to Ozz with Pratik, Tammy, and Nick; it was, as they say, a blast. Nick and I totally dominated at the pool tables/fumbled our way through a couple games before heading to the dance room to watch the Nine Inch Males perform. (P.S. I'm already looking forward to re-reading this entry and laughing at that years from now.) They were, of course, delicious, as was to be expected. We danced for a while before heading home around 1:30. Sooo, after getting to bed at 3:30ish, I woke bright and early to meet up with Jonathan, Megan, and Katie for Bag Day, woot! I found some exciting skirts and a few other things, including a little picture frame. I chilled at Megan and Spencer's apartment for a little before returning home, then taking Pratik to his apartment, then back to the apartment for nap attempts. I actually had trouble sleeping, despite being so tired, so I didn't sleep during the day but I ended up in bed at seven.

Yesterday O'Brian and I watched some Avatar, then I went to Vagina Monologues practice, then back home O'Brian and I finished the rest of the episodes. I also talked to Jessica for a long time, and I made a weird cornbread loaf; no recipe, but it turned out alright, I think. :)

She poppin, she rollin, she rollin.

2008-02-01T02:56:00.001-06:00

Hey kids.

I had this crazy idea at the beginning of the year that maybe I'd write a little something about every day of this year, not necessarily writing everday, but recalling every day with each entry.

Anyway, I thought that would last at least a month, but no such luck. So... what's been going on...

Well, since I last assaulted you with the details of my little life,=, Jeff celebrated his birthday. It was Tuesday the 15th, the same day that Meaghan and I auditioned and got roles in the Vagina Monologues. Afterward we ate at Hannelore's German Restaurant, which was pretty good. It's an adorable little place on Ana Drive. We had a weird little salad, purple cabbage kraut, warm potato salad, and an amazing crusted chicken dish. Then we split homemade carmel apple pie and black forest cake. Yummo!

Jennifer had her birthday the next day, although I wasn't in the Birmingham; Mark also had a birthday on the 28th, if I'm not mistaken. Stay tuned: next month we'll play such birthday classics as Jess, Harris, Lance, Chris, and Lindsey, with guest appearances by Aaron and Tara! It's sure to be a thrilling month.

Meaghan and I have practice ever Sunday for the Monologues, and things are going well. I'm excited about the new friends I'm making. Woo! The whole cast seems fantastic. The Monday following our first practice was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I went with Meaghan and her family (her grandma, brother Ronnie, and cousin Michelle) to Russelville for a celebration. We met at the court house, where the choir sang and some politicians and some preachers... well, they talked. That's what they do best, right? Then we had a mini-march to a local church, where we had an amazing lunch. It was a really great ceremony. It was so neat to walk arm and arm with Meaghan, one of my best friends since we were five years old. It's strange, too, to think that our parents couldn't have done so-- or rather, that they did so, facing the negative backlash, so that we could do so freely. I know sometimes it seems change is slow, but we've made some huge leaps, haven't we?

In other news... O'Brian, Meaghan, and I spent a night in South Carolina with Shareese. Yes, one night and one night only; tickets were selling like hotcakes, sorry to you fine folks at home who missed the show. Seriously, it was quite the spontaneous journey. We left at 6:30ish Friday morning, traveled 7 hours to the lovely Converse Campus, and met our tiny dancer in her dorm room. Later she went to get ready and we three ate at Panera Bread, mmm. We did a little exploring of the campus afterwards, taking silly pictures and tickling the ivories on an out-of-tune piano before attending a brief "opera talk" and finally settling in for the show.

Shareese had the lead role in "Sour Angelica," and I suppose I should tell you how beautiful and perfect she was, but that really goes without saying, doesn't it? So, at the risk of boring you with what you must know in your heart anyway, I'll tell you that Shareese had the entire audience in tears with her performance. I definitely cried; what made me cry was the sad story and the beautiful music., but what kept the eyes streaming was just thinking about how proud I am of you, Shareese.

After the depressingly haunting first opera and a short intermission, we were cheered by the light-hearted Little Red Riding Hood. The lead, a friend of Shareese's named Joseph, was as funny and talented as he was adorable. After a short cold walk back to her dorm, we readied ourselves for bed. Shareese and I had a lovely cuddle, too short lived, before O'Brian, Meaghan, and I had to wake up and head back to the Shoals (around 7, I think). That night I babysat for the Tomlinsons, which was wonderful. After the boys went to bed I watched the first half of Knocked Up, which was really funny, albeit quite vulgar. Man oh man.

Umm... at some point Jonathan and I saw/fell in love with Juno. I attended a poetry slam somewhere in there, featuring the incredible I.Q. I hung out at Meagan's apartment several times. I've been spending a lot of time in the women's center. I like all my classes. I think picked Jeff up from Cullman once or twice. Hmm.

Oh, and last night a bunch of people came here for dinner! Jeff had already left to spend a couple weeks housesitting, but shortly after I was joined by Sihiya, Christian, O'Brian, Katie, Megan, Aaron, Meaghan, and Jonathan! We feasted on stir fry and fruit juice, chocolate chip and fortune cookies, laughter and conversation. We watched the hipster olympics and chatted it up for a bit, then people began to trickle out. O'Brian and Meaghan stayed and we watched Shortbus, followed by a couple episodes of Avatar. Later I talked to Jeff for like three hours before falling asleep.

Today was a good day, despite the rain. Maybe because of it. Who knows?

Just carry yourself back to me unspoiled from across the lonesome sea...

2008-01-28T13:23:00.001-06:00

toothpastefordinner.com

Whoah, dear Savior, gonna take my cares away...

2008-01-18T04:17:00.000-06:00

Some reflections on today:

Meagan called this morning to tell me about Norris Ricks. He graduated with me from Deshler. I think he's the first person in our class to go. It's left me with a dull achey feeling.

The thing is, I wasn't friends with Norris, not really. I don't think I've seen him since graduation four years ago except maybe in passing at one or another basketball function. And while I grieve for his family, my day to day routine won't be changed... much. It will be altered, though. Norris was a piece of a puzzle that makes up who I am now. He was a part of my daily life for four years, and it's hard to imagine he's gone. All of you, you members of the Deshler High School Class of 2003, you are a part of something bigger; you're supposed to exist infinitely in my social sphere, even if we didn't so much as talk in high school. I'm just supposed to know you're somewhere; that maybe we'll catch up on the class gossip once in a while, hear about your marriages and children and new jobs...

Anyway, I want you all to know that I'm here, waiting on the peripheral, in case you ever need anything.

Norris, you'll probably be missed by more people than you realized.

I like football and porno and books about war.

2008-01-08T01:51:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I'm compelled to write journal entries simply because I'm listening to a song or reading a poem or watching a video and some line just sticks out, and I think "That would make a fantastic title." And then, regardless of whether I actually have anything of value to say or not, I get on the computer and prattle on about this and that and the other, but all I'm really wondering is if anyone looked at the title and thought "what the hell?"

Incidentally, they rarely have anything to do with the actual entry; hell, the title of this blog doesn't have anything to do with the entry, which is about titles! Anyway, I don't like football.

Today was spent around the house; I'm halfway through Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs-- she has quickly wormed her way into my heart. I like everything I've read by her thusfar, and I don't see that pattern changing in the near future. The previous books in the series were Moon Called and Blood Bound about mostly werewolves and vampires (respectively), and the current title is about the fae. Of course, there are elements of everything in each book.

This afternoon Jeff and I went to the bank, Sam's, and Wal-mart before heading to my parents' house. I made a bunch of quiche, although by the time they were done I'd already eaten some of Mom's spaghetti. Mmm. In case you were wondering what kind of quiche I made (and of course you were), I'll tell you:

~ sausage, bell pepper, mushroom, and chive
~ ham and broccoli
~ asparagus and swiss
~ bacon and tomato
~ spinach and romano

If, in addition to your now sated curiousity about the varieties, you are wondering why I decided to make so many eggy concoctions, I'm afraid I don't have an answer.

Abby and Meagan and Moonie left a bit ago; they came over to watch Chasing Amy, a fabulous and funny movie. Micah introduced me to the Jason Smith movies, but I believe it was Brian who first introduced me to this particular volume. It was, of course, a hit. Yay!

Jeff and I have been following two different series, by the by. Death Note we watch with fair regularity, while Ikki Tousan (or whatever the hell it's called) we recently began watching on youtube... it's more for comic relief and it's what-the-fuck? value than any actual visual or mental stimulation, though. Death Note is pretty good, and I'm interested in finishing it soon. In other mindless entertainment news, we have yet to finish the first season of the O.C. (at Lance's behest) or the third season of Nip/Tuck. O'Brian just informed me that he has the third season of Queer as Folk, so that's on the list as well. For someone who doesn't have a telivision, I certainly seem to get my fair share of rot in, don't I?

Oh, and on while we're stumbling our way through the realm of telivision, let me say that I am very interested in getting Any Day Now. I'm not sure if it's even sold, but if and when it comes out, I would like it.

Allow me to backtrack for a moment, too, and say that last night was fantastic and fun; after spending much of the afternoon at the house just chilling, Meagan&co finally showed up, and after getting a bite to eat we (them and me, along with Mom, Dad, and Graham) played an exhilerating game of Cranium. That game is fun always, but especially with my kick-ass family. Graham also did a firework display, where we battled it out with some firecracking hopefuls below the bluff.

In a completely unrelated topic: I need to start recording these daily thoughts before midnight, because I get confused re-reading entries, thinking I've told you about one or another event when, in fact, I have not. Hmm.

For a post about nothing, I sure rambled on...

Tonight I am going to vomit under that couch.

2008-01-06T14:26:00.000-06:00

Well, well, blog... we meet again.

Since we last conveened... let's see...

I spent a good deal of the time right after Christmas visiting my family, working, and trying to get over a cold. The 29th was my last day at Bookland; it was supposed to be in the middle of January, but alas, that was not to be. What a screwy company. Oh, well.

I spent the night of the 30th at the Camp McDowell Reunion; there are some amazing people at that place. Oh my my. It was so good to see everyone, though I certainly missed many people as well. Jeff dropped me at camp and then took my car to Birmingham; I bummed a ride with Alex in that direction, which was wonderful. Kanye West and good conversation = a great last day of the year. Jeff and Tyler picked me up and we ran a few errands, including a drive by Walgreens. Later Tyler and I went by Moonie's house to see her and Meagan and Abby before jetting over to Jennifer's apartment for some New Year's Eve festivities! Already there were Jennifer, Jennifer, Thomas, Britni, Mark, O'Brian, Shareese, Meaghan, and Lance (I think... or did you get there after us? Eh...). Is that everyone? I think so. We played half a game of Ring-of-Fire or something, then half a game of Apples to Apples (which I won, suckahs). We had a few sips of champagne as the ball dropped and later played the board game Never Have I Ever. Aside from Meaghan not feeling well the whole night, it was a really great night, and I'm glad I got to ring in the new year with such beautiful friends. I did miss Jessica a lot, as well as some of you other hoodlums that are so important to me.

In the morning I took Shareese to the train station in downtown Birmingham, where we got to deal with the asshole ticketmaster before lunching at sketchy Church's Chicken with Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Social-Cues (although I must still admit, the lunch was delicious), then racing back to make the train a scant 3 minutes before it pulled away. I miss you already, Shareese.

Later that afternoon I went out with Brittany and Jeff to the mall, then back to the apartment, then over to watch a movie with Meagan and Moonie and Abby; we spent the night there after watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. The next day was spent lounging, watching Thank You For Smoking and half a season of America's Next Top Model on VH1. Aside from venturing out for lunch at P.F. Chang's and an exciting crow incident in the front yard after Meagan left for practice, our day was wonderfully lazy and uneventful.

That night I played Guitar Hero at Tyler's for the first time, and we watched Playing By Heart (we being Tyler, Lance, Jeff, Britni, and me... Mark had been there earlier, too, but had then left again). Amazing movie, of course. Jeff and I spent the night at Britni's house; in the morning we brought Lance Starbucks and lunched at Jason's Deli before Britni left for the Dentist and Jeff and I trotted off to Cullman, where we spent several hours visiting his exciting friend Alex and Alex's parents. They life in this incredily cluttered pellmell of a house on the lake; it's the most wonderful thing I ever did see. It's thrown together and full of beautiful knick-knacks and hidden corners and cozy spaces. It may be the first house I've ever fallen in love with. Anyway, we left there to visit with Jeff's parents before wandering homeward again.

So, that put us home on Friday, during which we paid a bill or two and that night I shot pool with my parents' and brother at DP's which was as humourous as it was fun... really fun. I needed that. Yesterday Mom and I traveled to Memphis to see Meagan's ball game, drove home half starved because there is nothing on 72, then I took a nap on the couch. Dad made gumbo which was incredibly (duh), and then Graham came over to the apartment and we (Graham, Jeff, and I) ate tacos and watched Munich. It was... violent. It was good though.

So... there you have it. A day by day account of 2008 so far. Reflections on the last year to come later... now, I want to read a book.

If you see Jesus, tell him to take the gerbil babies, they're Christians!

2007-12-26T10:59:00.001-06:00

Well, well, cyberland, Merry Christmas to you! I hope your Christmas has been half as wonderful as mine. Things here were wonderful. It has been so nice to have all six of us in the same house. Ten years ago I wouldn't have believed that we'd get along so well. Ten years ago, we were 12, 10, 9, and 8, and a lot different than we are now. :) We exchanged family gifts Christmas Eve, then came down together the next morning. We ate dinner at my grandmother's with her and Uncle Jim and Aunt Alice and exchanged some gifts there. Today Aunt Dana and Uncle Keith arrive with the cousins, though I'll be at work. Sad day. I'm off tomorrow, though! I'll be spending the day at the lake and the night at O'Brian's. Yay!

Yesterday Bach took a nap with me, then last night he slept here, too. He and Bo have been a lot of fun. Let's see... New Year's Eve Eve will be spent at Camp McDowell, and New Year's Eve... maybe Birmingham? Maybe home? I don't know.

Anyway, I just wanted to record this as being one of my favorite Christmases. Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Graham, and Meagan are amazing. Even if we weren't related, I would want to hang out with them. Love and some verses,

All the rest are wrong-- they know nothing about us...

2007-12-13T03:06:00.001-06:00

Today I vacuumed up a brown M&M at work, but the vacuum spit it right back out, and I briefly considered eating it. I didn't have a hard-core point-counterpoint internal debate, but the thought did cross my mind. I like to think of this situation, not in terms off all the negative things it may say about me, but more in terms of all the positive things it says about chocolate.

The Special Session Christmas Party is Friday, and I've never been more ready! I probably think that each year, but I don't think that necessarily makes it ever untrue. Hey hey, Santa Clause, Kee Sloan, campers, friends, pizza, Christmas lights and Camp McDowell...

I've spent more time than dear old Books-a-Million would probably appreciate organizing the politics section at work. Truth be told, I'm not aligned with the liberal agenda any more than I am with the conservative agenda sometimes, but it still brings me great pleasure to organize the books on those shelves. Most titles are, of course, spine out, as one would usually put books on a shelf. Some, though, are turned so that you can see the cover; usually this is done to display certain texts or just to take up space so the shelf looks packed (or for both reasons). Anyway, amid the copies of The Mighty and the Almighty and Dead Certain, these titles stand out:
Follow the Money
A Woman in Charge (I don't even like her that much, but we have such ridiculous anti-Clinton books that I felt compelled...)
The Thumpin'
Day of Reckoning (Also not a fan of Buchanan, but I didn't have much else to choose from)
It's Getting Ugly Out There
Armed Americans (This is my ironic choice... really, it's just a huge book and hast to face this way... this is the only link I must require you to click... trust me, it's worth it.)
The Big Con
Giving
Broken Government
War on the Middle Class
From Beirut to Jerusalem
Crazies to the Left, Wimps to the Right
The Assault on Reason
god is not GOOD
Restless Virgins
Hubris
Bill of Wrongs
The Conscious of a Liberal
Cruel and Unusual
The Audacity of Hope
Dreams of My Father
The Secret History of the American Empire
Turnaround
Common Ground
The Fall of the House of Bush
State of Denial

Umm, I'm gonna go add the rest of the links later. For now, I am le tired. Also, I'm linking them for your benefit, but also to look up these books... some people are quite tricky, and having had about 17 seconds a book to determine whether I wanted to pull it or not may have hindered the selection process.

I am also le recommending you all go listen to Terra Naomi. I just fell in love with her. Really. Like, thirty minutes ago. When I get off the computer, I'm going to find her house and propose to her. You are invited to our wedding, but only if you bring a casserole of some sort. Terra and I are big fans of pot-luck.

Let's sip champagne until we break into smiles...

2007-12-10T20:49:00.000-06:00

I'm incredibly anxious about my exams tomorrow. I had one today, and it went okay. Not great, but okay. A lot of stuff I studied wasn't on the exam. Boo. Tomorrow I have Geography and Women's Studies, then it's over for another semester at least.

Updates... Jeff and I got our new dishwasher, but it doesn't work. Last night I went to Annette's house (one of my managers) and ate chicken and dumplings and apple pie-- it was fantastic! I love her to death. She gave me two ferns for the apartment; they are lovely! I also got a lightbulb I had ordered for one of the tall black lamps we had in our basement growing up. I was nervous that it wouldn't fit, but it did, so we can actually light the back half of our living room! Great timing, too... it came two days ago, I think, and the one little lightbulb we have blew today.

Things coming up... Thursday my Bible class is doing dinner at the Marriot, and am going to attend if at all possible. Friday after work Graham and I are headed to Camp McDowell for the Christmas party for Special Session! O'Brian and Meaghan graduate this weekend, and I couldn't be more proud! Umm... New Year's Eve Eve Reunion at McDowell on the 29th... that's it for now. Any plans anybody? Let me know A.S.A.P.

In other goings on... I met O'Brian's friend Matt the other night, and he's lovely. I hope we can hang out again soon. Also, Jonathan has been incredibly attentive and hanging out a lot in the last month or two, and it's been amazing!!! I also love love love J.T.-- a kindred spirit if there ever was one! I've seen Jessica several times recently, however briefly, and I've spent some great time with my family and cousins.

Anyway, school stress will be over tomorrow, and then I shall be free!

This is what Florence always looks like.

2007-12-02T02:22:00.000-06:00

I'm a little nervous about what you'll say when you see me in my swimmin' trunks.

2007-11-29T11:12:00.001-06:00

Hey hey! How's your day so far?

Today I've gone to Personality and cleaned up the kitchen a bit, but that's about it. I have a make-up test this afternoon, Geography class, and work from 4 to 9:30. We're supposed to get our new dishwasher here soon!

Yesterday was a really good day. I went to Bible, where we discussed homosexuality and the text; I found the discussion very interesting and I liked hearing what Nancy had to say. In Women's Studies, we talked about racism (we're on our chapter about what divides women in the fight for equality). I really really enjoyed our discussion, both because I felt I had something intelligent to bring to the conversation as well as because everyone in there is so open minded and interesting that we could actually discuss things without fear of offense. It was great. After that Jonathan picked me up from the apartment and we headed to the Mac store in Huntsville because he needed something for a presentation, then we drove by Phuket, but alas, they were closed. It's probably for the best because it looked expensive. We ate at the Macaroni Grill, which was fabulous, grabbed a milkshake at a local drive through, and headed home!

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I went in to grab my keys then headed to Park Blvd., arriving seconds before my dad. We then left for Birmingham to watch my sister play basketball! She did a great job, and she got to play a lot. I guess normally she doesn't get much play time, which makes sense because she's a freshman, but they played Judson and it was a blow-out. Final score: Judson 33, BSC 100. While there Moonie came up to sit with us during half-time and then Thomas came over in the last quarter, which was super nice. He had been to see Eli Wiesel, who spoke at the school last night. Wow.

Man, I talked a lot on the drive with my dad. We had almost non-stop conversation, which was amazing. HE is amazing. He's just become such a positive person, and so accepting of people. It's incredible! We talked about school and work and family and his family and grandmomma and music. Anyway, after two hours in the car with Jonathan and four with Dad, my legs are sore from sitting and my throat is dry from chattering like an insane monkey and my brain is full and my heart is overflowing. :)

We'll be playmates and lovers...

2007-11-26T23:33:00.001-06:00

I really like going to Wal-mart, where I spend an hour picking out the freshest organic vegetables, buy only 100% juice, get organic milk and free-range eggs, and maybe a block of extra-firm tofu, before going to through the check out and grabbing a bag a Doritos and a Dr. Pepper.

Oh, it's so amazing here...

2007-11-20T00:58:00.000-06:00

"No matter how upside-down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: Life is crazily in love with us—wildly and innocently in love with us. The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it."

Jonathan asked me the other day if I would be such a positive person if I didn't surround myself with positive things all the time; we had been reviewing some recent Notes from the Universe (introduced to me by Jess). It was a passing query, but something I've thought about a lot recently, and I suppose it's a chicken-or-the-egg sort of thing. I suppose it must have eventually started with one or the other, but now it is a process with two steps dependent on one another. Anyway, if you're reading this, I probably consider you one of those positives with which I prefer to be surrounded. So, thank you.

Could you do me a favor and re-read the quote above? Now, if you saw the italics and didn't read it the first time, this means you need to read it twice in order to re-read it as I asked. I suggest reading out-loud, but to each his or her own. I suppose you may become tired of this positive-thinking mumbo-jumbo that seems to appear periodically on this web log of mine, but I want you to know that I really believe that the whole world is conspiring to shower us with blessings. I want you to know that.

Over the summer, I lost a hundred dollars towards the middle of July, I believe it was. Lindsey and I had been packing for the staff trip to Fort Morgan, and were wildly tired and insanely ready to be away from our cabins for a bit, having just been ousted for the third time that summer. I had a hundred dollars from a check cashed weeks ago that I planned to use on the trip. Once we got in the car, though, that beautiful little bill was gone gone. It wasn't a really big deal (I mean, I know it should have been, but spilled milk and all that, right?); Graham and Lindsey pitched in to get me food and what not and I paid them back later. I even told them that the money was either going to be found by someone else who could really use the extra money right then (we were leaving our cabins to Camp Kaleidoscope) or it was going to be found by me when I really needed it.

Well, tonight, I found it. I found it in an old cardboard box that has been moved from three different places, starting at camp and ending, yesterday, in my current apartment. I've dug through this box a dozen times or more, many of them actually looking for the money because it was the most likely place for it to have landed. How I managed to miss it, I've no idea, but I'm glad I did, because right now I need it.

Little things like this seem to happen a lot, and I hope I never forget to be thankful. There have been several times where I've needed the rend money and the next day Rosario would call to ask me to work for a long weekend. Last year at a time when I really wanted/needed to go to Birmingham, I found the $25 gas coupon my parents had given me for Christmas that had been unseen for months; it was under a couch I moved looking for a dime I had dropped. As early as a couple weeks ago, Aunt Alice came to visit and offered a boost that allowed me to fill our fridge and pantry for the first time in months! (Not that I had been starving... I notice that sounds a wee bit pathetic. However, I had eating off dollar menus and Mexican carry-out and dine-in meals taken home in two doggy bags to last for 3 meals more.)

It's not always money, of course... I promise that your calls, texts, and emails are always timed perfectly. YOU are timed perfectly.

I caught a trucker out of Philly, and he told a good joke.

2007-11-03T22:47:00.000-06:00

Oh Dr. Mario, why did I just waste three hours playing you online?

And Rob says you love, love, love, then you die...

2007-11-01T23:02:00.000-06:00

It's been to long since I posted, yet again. One day I will look at October 2007 entries and be sad that I didn't post more. Or maybe I'll laugh at how sentimental I was at 22. We'll see.

I'm at the Tomlinson's, waking up early to take the boys to school. I had to come tonight so I could have the car; Stephen and Rosario are going out of town tomorrow morning and I have William and Harris until Sunday afternoon. Yay! I'm excited about this.

I've been at Bookland for over a week now; things are okay. I love being around the books, and I wants to read everything, jeez. It's pretty boring, though. I'd rather do almost any menial task that just stand in one place for hours. We aren't supposed to do anything but straighten where we're standing. No food, drink, gum. No music. No reading. No reading at a bookstore? Yes, folks. No reading. Which would be understandable at, say, Books-a-Million. We have next to nobody in our store, though... oh, well.

Saturday after work I partied it up at J-Rob's, wOOt! I went as a country gal and Jeff went as Euro-trash. Meaghan was a gypsy and T.J. was a knight. We caravaned from the house in Sheffield, and on the way I blew out my tire, so Teej and Jeff changed it in the parking lot of Florence High School. It set a rather poor tone for the night, as I am below broke. I'm in debted to Jeff up to my ears with all these apartment bills. Man. Anyway, we finally made it (after splitting up and just looking for the place), where we were greeted by Mario (Thomas) and the sexy vixen cop Jennifer and the lovely queen Jennifer, as well as roommate Mandy and lamo Lance and Tyler, who weren't dressed up. ;)

We had a jolly good time, drinking and playing beer pong and flip cups and whatnot, then off to bed and wake up late and then to work! I don't remember what I did Sunday night... Monday I had a test in Women's Studies which I did not do well on. I knew the stuff, but I spent way too much time on the second essay question and nowhere near enough on the third, which was worth more points. Drat.

Oh, also Monday Jeff and I were approved for a townhouse in Florence! We've been moving stuff in since then, and we're almost completely there now. I'm really excited about our new home; come visit!!!

Umm.... backtracking... Tuesday was my momma's birthday! I didn't get to see her, but we talked on the phone a couple times. Wednesday was Halloween, and work was great because we had hundreds of children come to the store because the mall does store-to-store trick-or-treating. There were so many beautiful children; it made me miss day cares a lot. I also saw Jordan, who's applying at Gamestop. That'd be funtastic. Anyway, Jeff picked me up and we went to Christian's for just a little bit; it was late and we're kinda lame so we didn't stay, but it looked like a really fun party; we also got to see Louise, which was a super-pleasant suprise!

Alrighty... I'm gonna head to bed... I have too much to say right now to continue this post. So, to go over the highlights: my friends are amazing, I have a new apartment, I love you very very very much.

We could be daytime drunks if we wanted. We'd never get anything done that way, baby. And we'd still be ruled by our dueling perspectives... and I'm not my perpective... or the lies I'll tell you... everytime...

One must have chaos within oneself if one is to be a dancing star...

2007-10-11T13:03:00.000-06:00

I got glasses again (finally).

I just got a job at Bookland (I start on the 22nd).

I'm going to Birmingham this afternoon (with Jeff).

I may be working Saturday (but I may be working Sunday instead).

I'm broke, but I'm happy.

I'm poor, but I'm kind.